Horton's Journal: 43 and long, slow recovery - PIED and PE

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Horton, Apr 25, 2015.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I guess you're off the hook then.
  2. Hey Horton, just wanted to chime in and let you know you have been an inspiration for me as well. When I was in a pretty hopeless state I would often look to your journal for inspiration because although your recovery hasnt been easy by any stretch it seems like you never give up. If you go to the start of your journal it looks as though you have made a ton of progress. I too have made progress and I hope the worst is behind me. Good luck going forward.
  3. Horton

    Horton Member

    Hey guys, it's been a while since I've written because, basically I have nothing new to report.

    I continue to largely use ED meds to keep my sex life going. Even though the meds work pretty much all the time (can't easily remember a time recently they haven't worked), I still feel nervous and not confident when using them. But I usually get erections, and am generally able to please my gf which is really all that's important to me.

    It's not often that we start fooling around when I haven't taken medicine, especially when I'll note that for whatever reason the meds seem to work much longer for me than they are supposed to. For example, I last took some Cialis on Sunday morning, but last night (Thursday) was able to have really good sex - got it up no problem, and had no issues with PE at all. It felt like I was using ED meds, even though I wasn't.

    Yet, this morning I still took some Cialis because I'm not confident that last night was not a fluke.

    And I still feel like I have some ED issues occasionally though I can't think of a recent example.

    Anyway, still just trying my best. My gf is at least able to have a fun sex life, even if it's fueled by ED meds. But I'm getting up on 2 years now, and still have ED issues, and a definite lack of confidence.
  4. ResetMe

    ResetMe Member

    Hi Horton, Still following your journal. It's rough, but keep on course. It's hard to build that confidence back, just keep at it. Looking forward to hearing about more success from you.
  5. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Hey Horton,

    been reading through some of you journal. Very helpfull for me being just a the start of my journey. I have been relying on ED drugs for some 8 years now. Stopped PMO about 55 days ago and struggling with the dead cock feeling. Thanks for sharing.
  6. Horton

    Horton Member

    I'm glad to hear you guys are still listening. It was so hard for me when I started and that's why I committed to keep writing this journal, so while I'm not recounting every single attempt at sex like I used to, I still do want to keep it updated.

    And, that said, this morning had partial ED. Got it up and we had sex, but before she was able to finish I lost it. Had taken Cialis about 24 hours before.

    So yeah, even though I had that great night 2 nights ago, there are still problems for sure.
  7. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Hey Horton,

    My feeling is that I might have to use medicine as well to have a happy sex life in the future, and if that is how it is, then that is how it is. My Dad used to have ED as well. For now at least, after 56 days of no "touching" life is coming back down there. I am happy to do at least the 90 days of hard mode. Possibly longer, maybe even a lot longer if I keep on feeling improvement... Time will tell (-:
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Thank God for the pharmaceutical industry. Who knows if your issue is truly PIED? Glad to hear you're having a good sex life even though you have to rely on pills, and if it is PIED then you should come out the other side eventually.
  9. Horton

    Horton Member

    Just want to note that I have tried to have sex twice in the last three days without medication. Both instances followed a similar path - at first I had ED - either I got a very small chubby or nothing going on. This was despite my gf really being horny and focused on pleasing me.

    In both cases, I was eventually able to get a somewhat hard erection, like 70%. Once I did it myself and the other time she was able to do it manually. So in both cases we wound up having a very sad, pathetic type of intercourse with a semi-hard dick.

    So, now 22 months in, still having ED issues. But you could put a positive spin and say at least I eventually got *something* going. But it was not enough to please a woman, so that's not good enough in my opinion.

    And 40, you know we've gone over this many times. I really have no doubt my issues are PIED. There's no science or true diagnosis behind PIED, but I have all the reasons to have it, and all the symptoms. And while ED drugs help, sometimes they don't work - another sign it's PIED.
  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    If it is PIED then it will sort itself out in time, if not, I suppose you need to find other answers. Count your blessings, many of the younger guys can't even have sex with the help of ED drugs.
  11. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Hey Horton,

    Like Devnul, I have PIED and some psychological barriers when I am with a woman.
    I went to the Doctor and got myself checked and 'the mechanics" are working.
    After rebooting and when I feel it is time to start rewiring I will go and work with a sex therapist to address this.
    I believe that rewiring is as important as rebooting. In other words, once the computer has been emptied of its dysfunctional programs (rebooting) new functional programs must be loaded (rewiring) for it to work.
  12. Horton

    Horton Member

    Today marks 2 years since the last time I PMO'd. It's been a while since I've posted, but figured I'd at least give a quick update.

    Honestly, nothing has changed much for me recently. When I use ED meds, things work fine. When I don't use them, things are so-so. It seems like there is a window of time, maybe 4-5 days, after I last take an ED drug when I can still get an erection, even though I'm outside the "window" of time when the drug should work. Longer than that, there seem to be problems. For example, this week I experimented. The last ED drug I took was Saturday night, and it was of the 6-12 hour variety. I had sex the next night (24 hrs), the following morning (36 hrs) and then the next night (72 hrs). But then last night and this morning, I tried to have sex both times and got a mild start to an erection, which then faded. So, on this two year anniversary of my last PMO (making tomorrow 2 years since I found out I couldn't get it up), I still have PIED.

    There's not a ton else to say. There is a psychological impact and I wonder every time I am not on meds if things will work (and they often do even though I doubt it). I wonder if that will ever stop, but of course for now, two years in with ZERO slips, I still have PIED.

    Oh well. My relationship is good. My gf and I moved in a few months ago and that's been going OK, and I'm just as happy with her now as I was when we met. I do really wonder if I'm really a satisfying sex partner for her, but she seems to stick around, so...

    Hope all you guys are still doing well and staying the course. I don't know if my PIED will ever be cured, but maybe yours will be.
  13. ResetMe

    ResetMe Member

    Hi Horton. I'm glad your relationship with your GF is good. I hope you can solve the issue once and for all. You've been working hard at it. Any day now.....
    Saville likes this.
  14. Nomadic

    Nomadic Member

    Great job on staying clean, Horton. Hell the frequency you're having sex......I doubt I'd be hard either for the 4th time in 72hrs necessarily. Just don't worry too much about it. I was planning on being on ED drugs for the rest of my life and my only issue was the side effects that made that idea very unappetizing. If I didn't have the bad side effects, I had little problem with it. Luckily in my case I don't need them anymore. But just keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure your sexual performance is 10x +
    bigger issue for you than it is your g/f. She's been with you 2 years now. That should be all you need to know. Good job again, bro!
  15. xburnerphonex

    xburnerphonex Member

  16. RebornAgain

    RebornAgain Beating my addiction one day at a time.. Staff Member

    Horton do you still have PE trouble?
    I used desensitizing spray for awhile and it greatly helped me.
  17. keepitup

    keepitup New Member

    Hi Horton. At this point I don't think you have anything to lose by seeing what happens if you don't use meds at all. Off the top of my head I would say your body has formed a dependency on them, and that's why you're having erection issues when you don't use them for a long time.
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You took an ED drug that lasts 6 - 12 hours and you had sex 72 hours later and you were fine. And you worry that things won't work when you take the meds...and then you fail when you don't, sounds like a mental block. The mind is very powerful, I suggest some self hypnosis and meditation.
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    ED drugs cannot cause dependency physically. Mentally is another story.
  20. Horton

    Horton Member

    Hey everyone....I have stopped reading the forum entirely so it's rare that I check in, but felt like adding a post because I still have this hope that my messages and journey will help someone someday.

    The basic version of my update is that it's really unchanged lately. I use ED drugs effectively and am able to have sex with them, pretty much always get an erection (occasionally I have issues but really that's not often) and generally provide enjoyment for my gf. I had PE problems early on, but those are under some level of control. I still need to pace and control myself, but I am able to do so and not blow off early. She can generally get hers before I lose control.

    Without drugs, if anything things seem mildly worse now than in the past. Certainly not better. This morning for example, with no drugs for a few days, my gf started to make a move and after some initial excitement and a slight erection, I lost it. She really wanted to get me off, so through oral got me somewhat hard, enough for penetration, and I came then, probably not very hard. It was the first time in a while I've had an O with a semi-erect dick. It was still a pretty serious case of ED. And not the only one recently without drugs.

    My ED issues still affect our sex life. She doesn't say much about it often, though did recently, but feels frustrated that after 2+ years together she doesn't really know how to please me, because my performance is so erratic. Sometimes I can't get it up, sometimes I can. Sometimes I come fast, sometimes I don't come at all and that frustrates her. Obviously, she is doing her best to make peace with the situation, but it's still an issue.

    I post this largely to repeat my recent message. I'm now 27 months or so since my last PMO. I have not slipped nor do I have any real desire / interest to PMO at this point. Yet, I still have ED issues, and without ED drugs I would certainly have lost my gf long ago, and be pretty much totally impotent.

    So I know that all the success stories are nice, but sometimes that fantasy doesn't match up with reality.

    Best of luck to all of you. I hope that you all have success and cure your issues and have great sex lives. I still hope I can too, but when it's been this long, you pretty much come to accept that things are probably going to be just the way they are now. I mean, I still try from time to time without drugs in the hopes things will be improved, but...they are not.
    Billy B. likes this.

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