Age 29 - Virgin In good shape (no reason for ED, checking with doctor soon) To be honest, not 100% sure what my issue is but after reading stories on here and yourbrainonporn.com, lightbulbs started going off. Cutting out P will be no issue for me, cutting out M remains to be seen but I'll give it every effort, cutting out O...... well for my relationship's sake I hope I can have sex as soon as possible (don't care if I O, just that she does and can put some of her issues behind her) This won't be as much of a symptoms journal as it will be a "let it all out" journal. All I'm hoping for is that others might find some comfort in my writing just as I had comfort after reading others stories when I first started. For this reason I may type in things that are what I'm feeling even though I know I shouldn't be feeling them. Day -1 (Feb 20/2012) I started dating the most amazing woman in mid-january and every time we meet I feel closer and closer to her. I have always been extremely picky when it comes to the women I date, but she has everything, wit, intelligence, a huge heart, beautiful, sex appeal... everything. In all honest, we were half way through our second date when I realized she could very likely be "the one". She has been hurt before. She was divorced from a man who treated her horribly, and I can tell that she is reluctant to move fast so I never push her. But tonight she was finally ready and we moved to the bedroom. She put on the most amazing matching outfit with a silk robe before we start... I had managed to get a couple 50% erections in the time I spent with her, but this night..... nothing...... What's one night... right? Day 0 Yeah, I'm embarrassed. Who wouldn't be. So I take a tanning drug who's side effect is random wood and it works. It gives me several spontaneous erections and I head back to her place a few hours after they stop to fix what happened the night before. We get together again and she asks if I want to stay over. We're kissing, similar story, a little reaction downstairs but not much. Guess the drug only causes spontaneous boners and not when you really need them. What killed me was she put in a ton of effort without any response and I could tell that it was upsetting her. Not much was said afterwards, we slept in the same bed and she made a comment like "don't worry about it" but it was clear she had lots on her mind. Day 1 The next morning I head home and googled for hours!!! NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!! I was searching for answers as to what this could be. Sure it could be anxiety twice, but when I got home and tried masturbating, even that was hard to do. I had been noticing that I was having a harder and harder time (no pun intended) getting up and off in the previous months. In the previous year I took on two extreme work engagements that left no time for a social life and in my head that meant I was free to jerk it as much as I wanted. So I'd work 16 hour days every day, and could justify porn use to save time when I had a free moment as I woke up or was going to bed. As you would expect, this led to harder and harder masturbating, with more tabs open, and more hardcore porn. When I think about it now, it couldn't even be the same thing. It had to be new or something I hadn't seen in a few weeks. Then I found yourbrainonporn.com. Everything made sense. Including what I would have to do to fix this problem....... if only it was as simple as a pill!!!! Told my girlfriend that I wanted to get together and talk tonight knowing that it would not be fun at all. It was killing her all day but I told her it was nothing to worry about. Given the things she had been through, I knew her imagination would run wild so I had to be open and honest if I had any chance of keeping this together. I laid it all on her that night. Looking back I should have taken an extra day to do so because when I explained everything I probably exaggerated how big my problem had been and it was already a LOT to lay on a new girlfriend. Was telling her everything the right thing to do? or should I have tried to fix it myself first? I don't know. But I do know, given that I did tell her, I did it the right way. I was completely honest, and I took some tips from others like making sure she knew it was 100% me and not her, that it was fixable, and that I was fixing it. She took it hard as she was sensitive to this subject. I'm still not 100% sure why, but I have a feeling that this may have been a small piece of what went wrong in her previous divorce and this brought all that back. She didn't kick me to the curb on the spot and I just kept on answering questions as they came up for the rest of the night. Day 2 0% libido and feel like shit (see previous day) Slowly made my way out the door together the next day.... it was of course awkward. I text'd a couple times simple messages to see how she was doing. In all honesty, the texts were a way to have some conversation so she could have an excuse to write back what was really on her mind. It worked and we kept on talking. Day 3 & 4 0% Libido but feeling a little better There were a couple times when I felt like someone kicked me in the gut as we talked through everything and I could tell my situation hit some pretty raw nerves of hers. On day 4, I swear my junk was looking a little bigger?!?! Not bigger than it used to be, but bigger than it had been in the previous month or two. There's been no PMO, and after a day 2 I even started cutting out fantasies (not that there were many). Day 6 EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!! I HAVE MORNING WOOD!!! Not gonna lie.... that felt good ;-) Doesn't mean I'm changing anything about what I'm doing but it put a smile on my face. Kind of led to a problem though...... She came over tonight and we watched a movie, we were getting back on track and she was being a trooper about the whole thing despite being sensitive about it. She asks if we're allowed to kiss, touch, etc and I say "Yes, it's the PMO i'm avoiding". Bad idea!!! The couch is an awkward spot to make out on so I suggest my bed (still planning on clothes on). Only problem is I got her riled up and she tried to get me going too only to experience more disappointment. That I can deal with, the fact that she starts doubting her attractiveness (a feeling her ex brought out all the time) is what kills her and thus me. At that moment we both started to realize this was a bigger issue than we realized. We get together, we feel attracted and kiss/makeout. If we say that we're not going to and keep seeing each other then it turns into an asexual relationship which might kill what we have going anyway. As we're both bordering on tears/mental exhaustion I suggest that we spend more time apart but still talk on the phone for the next month or so with only a few get togethers. I drive her home and both of us are shaken, but we care about each other too much to let this go easily. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ADVICE ON THIS OR HAVE GONE THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR. Day 7 WTF, sure I was hard a couple times while we were making out and there was a little pre-cum but why no morning wood!?!? Yes, I know it won't happen every day but this is what went through my head when I woke up. Whatever, life goes on.... starting to think about exercising again to get the testosterone up. Made an appointment with my doc for a physical just to make sure there's nothing medically wrong with me too. Was watching TV in my robe, which is rather soft and tickly (if that is a word). Felt so horny that I had shivers up my spine. Think the guy doing stiffler's mom from the american pie series after he starts the whole no PMO thing and almost gets off touching random objects around the house. Day 8 And the lord said..... LET THERE BE MORNING WOOD AGAIN!!!! Good times ;-) But I find that I don't know if I should be happy or sad about this. Does this mean that I may not have as severe a problem as I thought (no flaccid withdrawal symptoms), or does this mean that some of what I'm reading isn't always true (may not be a surefire fix like I thought)..... deep breath..... keep going. Day 9 Morning wood, but an hour later I try to fantasize about my GF and no response down below. I know I shouldn't test, but the hardest part about this is doing nothing. If I had to climb a mountain, run a marathon, etc. to fix this I would do it all no problem.... but doing nothing is hard. Signing off for now, Hopethisworks P.S. for others who haven't tried this, if feels damn good to get it all out!!!