Hope This Works!!!

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Hopethisworks, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. Hopethisworks

    Hopethisworks New Member

    Age 29 - Virgin

    In good shape (no reason for ED, checking with doctor soon)

    To be honest, not 100% sure what my issue is but after reading stories on here and yourbrainonporn.com, lightbulbs started going off.

    Cutting out P will be no issue for me, cutting out M remains to be seen but I'll give it every effort, cutting out O...... well for my relationship's sake I hope I can have sex as soon as possible (don't care if I O, just that she does and can put some of her issues behind her)

    This won't be as much of a symptoms journal as it will be a "let it all out" journal. All I'm hoping for is that others might find some comfort in my writing just as I had comfort after reading others stories when I first started. For this reason I may type in things that are what I'm feeling even though I know I shouldn't be feeling them.

    Day -1 (Feb 20/2012)

    I started dating the most amazing woman in mid-january and every time we meet I feel closer and closer to her. I have always been extremely picky when it comes to the women I date, but she has everything, wit, intelligence, a huge heart, beautiful, sex appeal... everything. In all honest, we were half way through our second date when I realized she could very likely be "the one".

    She has been hurt before. She was divorced from a man who treated her horribly, and I can tell that she is reluctant to move fast so I never push her. But tonight she was finally ready and we moved to the bedroom. She put on the most amazing matching outfit with a silk robe before we start... I had managed to get a couple 50% erections in the time I spent with her, but this night..... nothing......

    What's one night... right?

    Day 0

    Yeah, I'm embarrassed. Who wouldn't be. So I take a tanning drug who's side effect is random wood and it works. It gives me several spontaneous erections and I head back to her place a few hours after they stop to fix what happened the night before. We get together again and she asks if I want to stay over. We're kissing, similar story, a little reaction downstairs but not much. Guess the drug only causes spontaneous boners and not when you really need them. What killed me was she put in a ton of effort without any response and I could tell that it was upsetting her.

    Not much was said afterwards, we slept in the same bed and she made a comment like "don't worry about it" but it was clear she had lots on her mind.

    Day 1

    The next morning I head home and googled for hours!!! NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!! I was searching for answers as to what this could be. Sure it could be anxiety twice, but when I got home and tried masturbating, even that was hard to do.

    I had been noticing that I was having a harder and harder time (no pun intended) getting up and off in the previous months. In the previous year I took on two extreme work engagements that left no time for a social life and in my head that meant I was free to jerk it as much as I wanted. So I'd work 16 hour days every day, and could justify porn use to save time when I had a free moment as I woke up or was going to bed.

    As you would expect, this led to harder and harder masturbating, with more tabs open, and more hardcore porn. When I think about it now, it couldn't even be the same thing. It had to be new or something I hadn't seen in a few weeks.

    Then I found yourbrainonporn.com. Everything made sense. Including what I would have to do to fix this problem....... if only it was as simple as a pill!!!!

    Told my girlfriend that I wanted to get together and talk tonight knowing that it would not be fun at all. It was killing her all day but I told her it was nothing to worry about. Given the things she had been through, I knew her imagination would run wild so I had to be open and honest if I had any chance of keeping this together.

    I laid it all on her that night. Looking back I should have taken an extra day to do so because when I explained everything I probably exaggerated how big my problem had been and it was already a LOT to lay on a new girlfriend.

    Was telling her everything the right thing to do? or should I have tried to fix it myself first? I don't know. But I do know, given that I did tell her, I did it the right way. I was completely honest, and I took some tips from others like making sure she knew it was 100% me and not her, that it was fixable, and that I was fixing it.

    She took it hard as she was sensitive to this subject. I'm still not 100% sure why, but I have a feeling that this may have been a small piece of what went wrong in her previous divorce and this brought all that back. She didn't kick me to the curb on the spot and I just kept on answering questions as they came up for the rest of the night.

    Day 2

    0% libido and feel like shit (see previous day)

    Slowly made my way out the door together the next day.... it was of course awkward. I text'd a couple times simple messages to see how she was doing. In all honesty, the texts were a way to have some conversation so she could have an excuse to write back what was really on her mind. It worked and we kept on talking.

    Day 3 & 4

    0% Libido but feeling a little better

    There were a couple times when I felt like someone kicked me in the gut as we talked through everything and I could tell my situation hit some pretty raw nerves of hers.

    On day 4, I swear my junk was looking a little bigger?!?! Not bigger than it used to be, but bigger than it had been in the previous month or two. There's been no PMO, and after a day 2 I even started cutting out fantasies (not that there were many).

    Day 6

    EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!! I HAVE MORNING WOOD!!!

    Not gonna lie.... that felt good ;-) Doesn't mean I'm changing anything about what I'm doing but it put a smile on my face. Kind of led to a problem though......

    She came over tonight and we watched a movie, we were getting back on track and she was being a trooper about the whole thing despite being sensitive about it. She asks if we're allowed to kiss, touch, etc and I say "Yes, it's the PMO i'm avoiding". Bad idea!!!

    The couch is an awkward spot to make out on so I suggest my bed (still planning on clothes on). Only problem is I got her riled up and she tried to get me going too only to experience more disappointment. That I can deal with, the fact that she starts doubting her attractiveness (a feeling her ex brought out all the time) is what kills her and thus me.

    At that moment we both started to realize this was a bigger issue than we realized. We get together, we feel attracted and kiss/makeout. If we say that we're not going to and keep seeing each other then it turns into an asexual relationship which might kill what we have going anyway. As we're both bordering on tears/mental exhaustion I suggest that we spend more time apart but still talk on the phone for the next month or so with only a few get togethers. I drive her home and both of us are shaken, but we care about each other too much to let this go easily. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ADVICE ON THIS OR HAVE GONE THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR.

    Day 7

    WTF, sure I was hard a couple times while we were making out and there was a little pre-cum but why no morning wood!?!? Yes, I know it won't happen every day but this is what went through my head when I woke up.

    Whatever, life goes on.... starting to think about exercising again to get the testosterone up. Made an appointment with my doc for a physical just to make sure there's nothing medically wrong with me too.

    Was watching TV in my robe, which is rather soft and tickly (if that is a word). Felt so horny that I had shivers up my spine. Think the guy doing stiffler's mom from the american pie series after he starts the whole no PMO thing and almost gets off touching random objects around the house.

    Day 8

    And the lord said..... LET THERE BE MORNING WOOD AGAIN!!!!

    Good times ;-) But I find that I don't know if I should be happy or sad about this. Does this mean that I may not have as severe a problem as I thought (no flaccid withdrawal symptoms), or does this mean that some of what I'm reading isn't always true (may not be a surefire fix like I thought)..... deep breath..... keep going.

    Day 9

    Morning wood, but an hour later I try to fantasize about my GF and no response down below. I know I shouldn't test, but the hardest part about this is doing nothing. If I had to climb a mountain, run a marathon, etc. to fix this I would do it all no problem.... but doing nothing is hard.


    Signing off for now,


    Hopethisworks

    P.S. for others who haven't tried this, if feels damn good to get it all out!!!
     
  2. Hopethisworks

    Hopethisworks New Member

    Day 10

    No morning wood today. Not bugging me as much though as things seem very erratic and I'm getting used to it. Blue balls are starting to get to me, but I guess I'm going to have to learn to deal with that.

    Went to my doctor and had my first physical ever since I'm turning 30 this year and it makes sense to have things checked out. Blood pressure was a little high but if you saw how hot the med student was that was checking me out you'd understand. Talked to the doc about ED but was too embarrassed to mention the fact that I think it is porn induced and he gave me some little blue pills. Might try them out with the girlfriend and determine once and for all how badly my brain is desensitized.

    Fairly low libido all day and decided to go out for drinks in the evening, had a couple before I called it a night. Then drove my friend home (wasn't drunk at all, was more than ok to drive) and while I was driving I started getting contractions like I was working out my PC muscles but I wasn't controlling them. Kept getting them all the way home and even after I went to bed. It was like my body was trying to make me cum without an erection and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to help finish it off. Felt like I was about to have an O for no reason like Finch when he was saving himself for Stiffler's mom in that american pie 2. Don't think I was ever that horny even when I was 15!!!

    I imagine some will find the story above very strange (as I do), but it seems like my libido is coming in bigger and bigger waves (peaks and valleys). Not sure what to make of that.
     
  3. tpc_uk

    tpc_uk New Member

    good luck on your journey. The second week is the most vulnerable period for me and most of my relapses happened on day 7-10. It gets much easier after 2 weeks.
     
  4. Hopethisworks

    Hopethisworks New Member

    Day 11

    So I decided to spend the day with the girlfriend and planned to test out the Viagra I was prescribed. Late in the day we went out for sushi and some wine. After a couple bottles went to her place to kill time before the late show started at the theater. Came out of the washroom to see her laying on her bed... oh shit, didn't take any Viagra yet..... but turned out fine as she just gave me a BJ. It was a little fast but she was happy that she could get me off this time. And I was pretty happy that my junk was working without drugs!

    So we left and went to the movie, then back to her place. As we left the theater I popped the little 100mg blue pill and then delayed a little bit by stopping for some junk food on the way back so it could take effect. She was happy to see me as hard as I was and despite the fact that I was again pretty quick, the drug kept me damn hard and I was able to keep going for a while. Not my finest hour, but she was starting to feel better now that my ED didn't seem to be as big of an issue.

    Day 12

    Woke up and was still getting massive wood. How strong was that prescription??? I thought it was only supposed to last 4 hours!

    Needless to say I put it to good use and we went at it again. This time, lasted much longer and she was quite satisfied by the time I finished. I think the back pressure that built up over 11 days may have hastened the first 2 encounters. Needless to say, those were the 3 biggest loads I've ever had and now the blue balls are gone!!

    When my doctor gave me the 4 little blue pills he said that if it was just stress/nerves then a lot of guys use the pill 3 or 4 times to get rid of nerves and then drop it. I'm hoping that's the case, but I can definitely tell that my junk is WAY more sensitive and my head is way more clear after only 11 days without PMO. There's no question that this site and others has already been of tremendous help to me.

    I think porn is permanently stricken from my life. Masturbation is stricken for at least another month or two and even then if I can go without it I think I always will (love the newly found sensitivity). But I'm not going to hold back on O's unless I wean myself off the blue pill and things stop working. If that happens then I'll go back to a full on PMO-free lifestyle.
     
  5. 00Schneider

    00Schneider New Member

    Nice to read that you can , think your sucess will give many here some encouragement, so please keep posting!
    I will see my gf on friday for the first time after then (hopefully) 10 days of no PMO and would be the happiest man in the world if I could make it as far as you in bed.
     
  6. Hopethisworks

    Hopethisworks New Member

    Day 13

    Another productive morning at the GF's house as I was able to function... although sadly, I'm not confident that I'd fare nearly as well without the little blue pill. Cut the dosage of the Viagra down to 50mg and it was more than enough... next time I'll try 25mg. I think I this approach will help me get over any anxiety that remains while still giving me the ability to recover.... here's hoping I'm not wrong.

    One item of note.... while she is my ideal girlfriend, she may not be ideal for my situation sexually. She's a small girl who is very tight and I'm "hung like a horse" according to her. It makes for one hell of a lot of sensation which is probably not the best thing for a guy who is trying to re-sensitize his junk!!!

    Staying at home tonight so I'll at least have some recovery time.
     
  7. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Hey, nice to read someone who is following a somewhat similar path to me. Where we differ is the viagra, which is why I will be very interested to see what happens when you wean yourself off of it. I am in a relationship right now and we had oral intercourse this morning, possibly going to have sex tonight and I am just worried that I was able to get a full erection earlier purely because of the 9 days PMO, not because of any rewiring.
     
  8. Hopethisworks

    Hopethisworks New Member

    Yeah, the Viagra is something that's a little unique to my story. The reason I'm doing it was because my GF was having a tough time with everything I dropped on her as it re-ignited a few of her past issues. If it wasn't for that I probably would be starting from scratch like you. It's the one thing I haven't been honest with her about (by that I mean I simply didn't tell her) so I'm hoping I'll be able to wean myself off fairly quickly.
     

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