hope& recovery of a lost man

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by alisdaily, Jan 29, 2018.

  1. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Hello it is ali. I have the femdom addiction. I tried many things including 12 steps for sex addicts and 2times a days prayers and meditation even though I m agnostic. nothing is working . It is my priority to clean my self from femdom and porn. Addicted to femdom for 5 years and porn for 14. I m 35 now. many things in my life are behind because of porn especially in the relationship department. I did however, manage to finish 3 colleges while severely being addicted to porn.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2018
  2. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 1:
    I had little urges and ideas of going out after work. I have a big interview that could change my toxic environment, wait ? I contributed to the environment as I was absnet minded. Im just so grateful of deciding once and for all giving up porn and masturbation on any images.
     
  3. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day2:

    Im still learning about the stuff. I did just a few minutes ago checked if my favorite site had any updates. I felt particularly low because of co workers and so went to look for another job. Fortunately the site has issues and my phone starting telling me to update my software cleaner loudly in the library. I have not masturbated or fantasized and only checked the site for update for 1 minute. but I have violated the clean day. So Im resetting my no fap day to today.In return I will not access internet at home at all once I get back from the library.
     
  4. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 3:

    I feel ashamed.I did check femdom videos while in bed last night although stealishly and fall a sleep on time. resetting and deciding to look for people who recovered on this site.
     
  5. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 1: resetting my day again there are struggles all I need to remember I do not need to use porn or masturbation for next 1 hours thats all.
     
  6. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 2: I guess I finished a day. If I leave work on time and have no resentments at all, meditate and be very diligent about not to get P peaks . I.m fine for today.
     
  7. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day1: As I promised myself I will log in everyday honestly. Im tired of resetting my counter. I have peaked to see what updates the websites I check has. Im never going to stop trying to stop.
     
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    It's a pity you've relapsed, man! As we all know this is a tough ride. I was wondering: what are you doing besides giving up porn at the moment?
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  9. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Yes a pity. I pray, meditate, volunteer and attend services. I have self esteem issues about my capabilities in work. My job environment is toxic even though it s an easy job and i have resentments which means that I need to accept life on life's terms. I do try to change job , and go to dance classes a few times a week and planning start swimming again. My thyroid glances are slow not working well which causes extreme laziness on weekends and after work.
     
  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    A toxic work environment can be hard indeed and far from motivating when you have to deal with a struggle like this. Especially when you look at the time you spend at your work. I think it's defenitly worthwhile to see if you can find something that works better for you. As for your answer to my question: you do seem to do a lot of things that are considered ways of enrichen your life. That's really impressive! I would love to do volunteer work too, but I let my social anxiety stand in the way of that. So what are the things that make you keep coming back to porn?
     
  11. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

  12. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 1 : I m feeling ok now. however, I was feeling very low as I went to a dance class after the simple work I do and I could not arrange for a date even after talking and dancing with 20+ people. today Im praying that I follow the no arousal method and sleep before 11.
     
  13. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 1 : Im have installed "ever accountable ", made an apootment with a therapist , and been sending reports to my mother and will find a sponsor in a 12 step program. Also I will see to it I do my prayer and meditation us no arousal method, and make this again a priority that I have a few bigger projects to focus on instead than PMO.
     
  14. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 1 : Today I have installed covenant eyes , put blocked internet time and filter and an accountability partner, and vowed to use No arrousal method at least for this week until next Monday.
     
  15. alisdaily

    alisdaily Member

    Day 1 :I had coenvantn eyes on cellphone but could still access an old computer to use porn. It is because I have arroused myself I went to a double dance class where I met women and one of which rejected me. what can I do next time? go to one class only and dont go more than 2 times a week. Friday was fine then followed by Sunday.
     

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