Holding myself accountable

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Caz, Aug 9, 2023.

  1. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    I cant believe I relapsed. Don’t know what I was thinking or why I was so weak. It was almost like some other part of me took control and my other side was just watching it happen. Worse I don’t know if I even put up a fight - just caved.

    trying a new thing. I turned on grayscale color filters on my phone. Supposedly the colors are made to draw us in. It’s pretty easy to turn off but will try my best not to.
    Gil79 likes this.
  2. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    When we relapse - we need to learn from it and get back on the horse. Fight the chaser affects.

    keep fighting hard!
  3. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Greyscale sounds like a brilliant idea.

    You are on a good run again.
  4. Caz

    Caz Active Member


    For years my morning routine included PMO before shower. Today I finally had no urge. Maybe I’ve broken that bad habit.
    The night one is tough. I fought it last night. Found a good book and kept reading till I was drowsy then went to bed.

    will keep going.
    TrueSelf, Gil79, path-forward and 2 others like this.
  5. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Good for you @LonelyCaz! You are making great progress! Inspiring actually!
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Reading in the evenings is for me really the number 1 anti-fantasy and anti-masturbation activity. I have had my best streaks when I was reading a lot and especially literature on the porn-addiciton topic helps me to build good streaks. Right now I am reading 'Cupids poisoned arrow'. I can really recommend it to you. It is on how orgasm-sex affects couples in the long-term and how it can lead to sexless marriage. It also describes alternative ways for healthier sex that does not lead to hormonal disbalances and helps partners bond. It sounds a bit weird, but it is really worth to take notice off.

    Anyway, keep up your efforts. Porn and masturbation is really detrimental and quitting this behaviour will really improve your life and help you to (re)build a deep connection with your wife and children.
    mailboxsam and path-forward like this.
  7. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    so reading helped. I slept well. My morning routine exPMO is coming along. Barely noticing.
    Had errands to keep me busy during the day. Right now. Reading here and then continuing my book till I can nod off. chalk up another day to No PMO.

    thanks to all who keep commenting and journaling.

    @Gil79 I’m reading sci-fi now it keeps me engaged but not aroused. Nonfiction usually doesn’t hold my attention. I’ll look it up though when I hit the library.

    Oh and I have to say putting Greyscale on my phone has been quite affective. My screentime is down by half. I may look up to see if anyone has done research on this though I guess it’ll be on a site like this for phone addiction. The big companies want us glued 24x7.

    if any one has other tips on getting away from the phone LMK.

    on to chapter 5.
    mailboxsam likes this.
  8. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Just turned on grayscale on my phone woop. Gonna read tonight too.
    Caz likes this.
  9. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    More reading last night

    Continuing my progress. Am routine is beat, had a slight urge this am so jumped straight to a cold shower.
    mailboxsam and path-forward like this.
  10. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Finished the book last night. Fastest I’ve read a book in years. Will get another tonight. Cold shower this am was tough as it was a cool Morning. It’s going to be interesting when winter starts.

    I almost went down the website hole but diverted to here. Going to Keep going.
    mailboxsam and Gil79 like this.
  11. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    tough day. Mistake 1 took off my grayscale filter. Mistake 2 checked a website that I knew would lead down a hole. Mistake 3 - said 1 peek wouldn’t hurt. A little scrolling and my alarm bells rang. Logged off. Put grayscale back on. Dough rest of the day. Feeling frustrated but fighting. After this putting phone away and
    Starting a new book.
    Chalk up another day.

    btw- is there a setting or something so the latest posts come on top. I keep having to go to the last page and then scroll Down.
    Thanks all.
    mailboxsam, path-forward and Gil79 like this.
  12. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Haven’t checked in as I’ve been trying to be on the phone less. Spending time outside and leaving phone at home. It really feels weird. Worse than walking out naked. Phone addiction is something I’m going to have to tackle.

    havent PMOd so building the resistance!
    Gil79, mailboxsam and path-forward like this.
  13. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Another check in.
    My new book just isn’t keeping me interested I’ll need to switch to a different one.

    Big day tomorrow- will be 1 month with no watching porn videos - I have slipped on pics and erotic lit, but no IG OF Twitter, pornhub or x videos. Despite my MO fails getting away from videos is a Win I’ll take.

    Also working on not taking the phone with me into the bathroom. I’m 50-50 but more and more leaving it out. Am I the only one whose hand twitches sitting on the can if my phone is not there.
    How F’d have I/we the society become- is this ” progress?

    I made it a point and Spent a ton of time today outside enjoying the great weather- sorry for those in a hurricane path.

    Hope everyone has a good long weekend.
  14. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    1 month no porn videos!!!
    Gil79, path-forward and mailboxsam like this.
  15. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Great effort my friend! Keep fighting hard.
    mailboxsam likes this.
  16. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Thanks to all for support and the journal entries.

    Long weekend let me spend time with kids, friends and family. So was a lot easier to not PMO. Also been reading. Grayscale on phone has kept me off the net. I still get anxiety if I don’t have my phone on me but working on it.

    This am was in a real mood to MO but held off. I’ve realized one of my triggers is boredom/lack of activity. If I have nothing to do then I’ll start F and then websites etc. so gotta keep busy. Here’s to the fight!
    mailboxsam likes this.
  17. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    The am was normal but then around 11, Oh man was I horny . Not sure why just out of the blue. Almost. Almost went down the rabbit hole. I’m a little worried about tonight. I’m hoping to keep busy. Crossing my fingers.
    path-forward and mailboxsam like this.
  18. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Took a cold shower. Getting a book hopefully I’ll start nodding
  19. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Copied @path-forward s signature and updated my dates. I might have to make a few more dates/counters to track will see.
    path-forward likes this.
  20. Caz

    Caz Active Member

    Tough morning. Was very antsy. Started M in shower but no release, switched to cold water and got out. Going to be a tough day - will try to keep busy.
    Reset my peeking date to yesterday. will
    Make a M date for today as another item to track.

    changed my username to just Caz. Im making an effort to spend more time with real people in real life. Online via text messages will try to get back to calling and actually using the “phone”.
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2023

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