Hockey's journal - 21 year old's road to recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Hockey711, Oct 13, 2012.

  1. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 3
    Yesterday went pretty well and I got a lot of stuff done. Currently working on an English paper. I have to admit I feel terrible. Quitting chew 6 days ago and my last relapse being 3 days ago really has built up some stress. I also feel like I'm getting sick. Went to the gym today and had a good workout and socialized but I still feel shitty. Not the relapse weak feeling shitty but like an intense stress, aggressive wont be able to sleep type of shitty. But hey I guess I'm just on here bitching but you know what? I think its good for us to bitch on here, because I'm not the type to complain in real life. So if this website lets me get it all out that's what I'm going to do. I know those who are successful in no pmo would understand because well, they've been here.
     
  2. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 6

    Almost completed day 6 feeling pretty good. Girlfriend came and spent the weekend I probably O'd around 7 times. Erection quality wasn't bad but at times I just felt like it wasn't strong and I was trying hard to maintain it instead of it just happening. Ill have to deal with the chaser effect the next few days I'm sure but I wont allow myself to relapse. I'm still chew free I made it to 8 days now. I may start chewing again too get through this week as I have 3 papers and a presentation to do and without P I know myself and I will need stress release. However only temporary!
     
  3. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 7

    Today was okay. A lot of class but I have friends in class so it's okay. This is my first year living without a roommate and in a building which I don't have many friends. So I do miss my previous years and even though I would never have time alone I enjoyed the company. Now that I only have time alone it actually kind of sucks. I think this is causing social anxiety more than anything. I'm glad I'm on day 7 but it doesn't feel like day 7 since I O'd on the weekend so many times with my GF. I know I won't see her until December 10th now so this is my chance to get my shit together and have a full fledged reboot. Since I O'd yesterday morning this is pretty much what day 1 feels like. Real reboot starts now.
     
  4. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 8

    Day is going pretty good getting some urges though which is why I decided to check up on this website now. I realized two things today. Quitting PMO is not a cure. A monk who spends his whole life with no PMO can still be socially awkward. However what they do have is an inner confidence that I think a lot of us have had stolen from us. I'm in my third year of neuroscience and we are currently studying attachment and what goes on with it in the brain. "Love" is just a product of chemicals being released from different structures of your brain. This makes you feel good and makes you feel shitty when you lose the attachment. It is believed this attachment is biologically relevant to make sure mating occurs and stays that way. In other words it keeps you around females your attracted too because it feels awesome to do so. If were PMO'ing or "self mating" attachment really would no longer seem necessary. The result: you won't feel motivated to seek "love" and the great feelings that come with it because there is no need. Ditch PMO and eventually those emotional love songs you always hear on the radio might actually make sense to you again.
     
  5. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Fighting urges again tonight......... chaser effect boys wait at least 2 weeks into the reboot before sex or you will constantly be dealing with urges like me :)
     
  6. Chicago

    Chicago New Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    You've done well since your last relapse!

    You just gotta find ways to fight off the urges. I believe that you have what it takes. A lot of guys on here struggle getting past a week. But you've done it a few times. You just have to get over a few weeks and the urges should get easier to deal with.

    Keep your head in it. You'll be fine.

    Also, interesting post on day 8. Something to think about.
     
  7. Chicago

    Chicago New Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Hey man, how've you been? I see you still haven't reset your counter which is a great thing. Hope everything is going well.
     
  8. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Chicago,

    Hey man, I've finished my last exam tonight so right now I'm crossing over to day 2 no pmo. The stress got to me, brokeup with my girl, a friend passed away, had the flu and three weeks of continuous schoolwork and finals. Xmas break has started and I'm finally moving on with my life and getting back into no pmo again. One thing I've realized is certain. We are all addicted at least at this stage. I've been using PMO as a crutch to get through hard times that have happened and problems in my life. Relying on something like internet porn to get though things is the wrong way to go about it. It's a certain downhill spiral which makes everything worse even if temporarily it makes it better. Thanks for checking up gotta be strong from here on in.

    -Hockey
     
  9. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Update:

    I'm on day 7. Have been having constant sex with my ex since day 4 but no pmo or mo. Obviously erection is still good even after relapsing countless times during exams. One thing is i know I'm not 100% because after i started ejaculating with my ex the "weak" feeling came back and is still here. I want to get to the point were I'm having constant sex but still feel confident and dominant like i do when I avoid O for a period of at least a week.

    Cheers
     
  10. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    day 11

    Having constant sex with my ex and getting hard just from being in the same bed with her. erections could be better, and I miss the feeling I get when i abstain from O but for now not looking at porn or masturbating seems to be really benefiting me.
     
  11. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    18 DAYS NO PMO

    Things are okay. I've got a cold and am working constantly this week so I'm pretty busy. Still having sex almost everyday multiple times and it is good but i still dont feel as sensitive as I would like. It's not the sex no I am searching for its the libido. I feel like when i have sex its to prove a point not because i really want it. When i see a hot girl at work I'm like wow I wonder what she looks like naked but in my pants everything is completely dead. I want to feel like i want to have sex with her not want to watch her have sex with someone else.
     
  12. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 1:

    Fucking relapsed. Shit was going so well and I just got stupid. I was so used to having sex with my gf over the break that when I came back to school I was craving PMO as I'm not a cheater so another girl wasn't an option. Restarting this thing again, I know I've fucked it up a lot probably more than most people but when I start something I finish it I don't care if it takes me until next year.
     
  13. NoFapFeniX

    NoFapFeniX New Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Hey man, another 20 year old right here. Sorry to hear about your relapse and the tough times your going through, keep your head up and keep your hand off your dick. :p best of luck!!
     
  14. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    just another day, more in the week of my progress
     
  15. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    first day 100% free 24 hour period is down. I have done this before in m recent past no problem but sinking back to porn lately has made this day very hard. Day 2 tomorrow I gotta be strong. If anyone is just starting within the past two days let me know I find it easier knowing that I am not alone on this restart. Chicago successfully beat this and me and him started around the same time. He may not know it but he motivated me because if I hadn't relapsed I think I would be successful too right now. Congrats Chicago
     
  16. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 2.

    Currently experiencing some intense cravings. Just want to look at porn so bad and it scares me honestly. Going to resist and hope they get better tomorrow.
     
  17. King

    King Never give up.

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    First 3 weeks (21 days) is the hardest. I think it's a habit breaking point. Do whatever it takes to get there i.e. writing in your journal everyday, or not using the computer for that time period, cause once you get to 21 days the rest of the way to 90 days will be almost a blur, and much easier to keep up with the cravings.

    Also remember that the addiction pushes with everything its got right before you are about to win the battle against it (I relapsed on day 18 too), because it doesn't want you to win. So that's when you gotta rise up and push back even harder and bash its ugly head in to get through it.
     
  18. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    I'm Back. I had some success with my last reboot but soon relapsed and binged again. I've now been using pmo for the past 3 weeks. Gonna restart this thing an update tmrw.
     
  19. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Relapsed again. Although I have been a month free of chewing tobacco and have been seeing some positive effects (whiter teeth) I know that if i were to give one up id rather it be porn. I know what your thinking tobacco kills, porn doesn't. But as a man who just turned 21 who had withdrawn from porn for 2 months not a short time ago, I can tell you that when your as deep into this addiction as I am your not really alive. Life seems meaningless, and as far as benefits from quitting I honestly feel their is more from quitting porn than tobacco.

    Now that I have no tobacco withdrawals and I feel good about quitting im going to attempt to quit porn. I tried to quit both at the same time before and failed. This time I'm hoping it will be different. Wish me luck.

    -Hockey
     
  20. Hockey711

    Hockey711 Member

    Re: Hockey's journal - 20 year old's road to recovery

    Day 3 motha licka's

    I'm still chewing tobacco free and starting to feel good! I don't know if its because its spring or what but my motivation is through the roof right meow, ill update this weekend.
     

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