Hey guys, I have been trying to beat PMO for a while now. Once I start noticing the positive effects (for me around 1-2 weeks) I tend to feel strong urges to relapse, immediately regretting it every time. I'm starting this journal mostly as a constant daily reminder so that I don't forget what I'm working so hard for. History Saw porn at an early age. Around 11 I saw my first playboy mag. Than with a constant access to internet,around age 12 starting gaining interest in it quickly for obvious reasons. However from this point until grade 8 most of it was just your typical normal teenage stuff. Playboy, sleepovers with friends always seemed that we would switch to a porn channel late at night but mostly only for laughs. Everything was fine and normal, always had girlfriends even though obviously no sex just kissing and other things. Around grade 9 I started actually viewing porn via tube sites. PMO became pretty common but never did I feel it wasn't normal or that is was having any harmful effect. I still went out with friends, dances, played hockey and hung out with girls. This continued throughout highschool. I always had constant girlfriends and a strong libido and at this point I thought ED was something old men could only have. Lost my virginity shortly after I turned 16 and had constant sex with my then gf and I couldn't get enough. I remember using PMO before going to her house just so I could "last longer" later that night. In grade 11 I had similar experiences just with a lot of different girls since I was single. Once grade 12 hit something happened. I became depressed. Besides going to parties every weekend I just never felt happy but faked it to maintain social image let alone for my family. Girls kept coming naturally but the fall of my senior year one night I couldn't get it up with a girl. A few weeks later a different girl but same outcome. I was confused and thought it was from depression and told my doctor everything. Except, my addiction to porn and escalating tastes. I seen a urologist and he said I seemed fine just maybe a loss of confidence. He recommended tests to make sure my member was working properly but i never went as I was to embarrassed to tell my parents. I met a sweet girl and we would hangout all the time but I still couldn't get it up for her. Finally after months of hanging out I did and we had sex but I was never horny I was just worried whether I would keep an erection or not the whole time. I experienced HOCD for a couple months which was the worst hell I've ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. This carried on to university for a year, still had sex with girls but never felt the erections nor libido I remembered from my past. That summer after google searching and soul searching I came across YBOP. At this point my depression and HOCD was gone. Starting no PMO and began to see results but still had relapses. Current situation 21 years old fourth year university. I have a girlfriend I've been dating for a two years now and the sex is great. However PMO trials have been happening also for a year and always end in relapse. Still have occasional ED, which is funny because this only happens when I go back to porn. I also get extreme social anxiety and mild depression comes back EVERY TIME I RELAPSE. The more I PMO the worse it gets. The longer I abstain usually around 2 week mark the better it gets. My Goal I want to first make it to the 30 day mark no PMO, this way it doesn't seem so far out of reach. This journal I'm hoping will help on this journy. I will update daily and I don't expect anyone to read it but support is welcomed with open arms. This is my story, and this curse is going to be beaten.