Hey guys, Im new to this forum. I have discovered it through the website "Your brain on Porn" (YBOP) and I wanted to see what other sufferers think about my situation. So I have always had OCD in my life (Im 19 yo btw) and just about 5 or 6 months ago I started having the random thought of being gay, which destroyed my mind completely. I also have a porn addiction (Im doing the relapse right now for about 2 weeks). It started off with the regular stuff when I was 11 or 12 and it got more extreme year by year, ending at gay porn when I was about 17 yo. About three months ago I even started to fantasise about gay thoughts, out of the compulsion, which I never did before, because it turned me off. Now i even find these fantasies arousing! Have I turned gay or bi or whats the matter with my mind? It is likely I have HOCD, because I have been living a life full of the fear of being gay for 6 months and its literally killing me. I would be glad if I would get a reply by someone. Thanks in advance.
You’re not gay, or BI (gay) Don’t worry man. It’s just HOCD. All this is, is not only intrusive thoughts, but simply porn fetishes that have perverted your brain. I know you’ve just started having the thought of “am I gay?” Even after having watched gay porn for all this time, being that your 19 now. I was addicted to trap porn. Out of nowhere, I had an anxiety attack. My brain was basically giving me the thought of “oh my god am I gay?” And I would get major anxiety attacks over it. It’s fucking terrible brother, I know. (By the way, I’m not aged 40 like my profile says. I’m actually 19 as well. I dealt with this when I was 17). Here what you need to do. It’s something called Mindfulness. Without it, my life would’ve been a living hell. When a thought pops up, you immediately get anxious. You may try and think your way out of it, by thinking “no, I’m not”. This isn’t good. All this does is feed you into a cycle, you start spinning in your head. All you have to do, is recognize the thought is there. BUT, do not respond to it. This will make your anxiety SHOOT UP, you might be INCREDIBLY stressed, but you do NOT respond to the thought. You don’t feed it. You simply recognize that you have that thought, but do not respond. Its like a student clowning around with a teacher in a classroom for the fun of it. The student will do dumb silly things to try and be funny. He’ll get the teacher to respond and he’ll try to irritate him to get a reaction. the teacher doesn’t respond, though clearly he recognizes the student is messing around. After some time, the student gives up, unable to get a reaction from the teacher. This is what you must do with your thoughts. And it’ll work 100%. I promise you. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.re...i_am_someone_who_cured_their_ocd_and_anxiety/ I found the Reddit thread that saved my life back when I dealt with this. This will explain it more in depth. Read all the comments and reply’s, it’ll save you, too. Good luck brother.
Thank you a lot man. Your comment on this post was really helpful and it gave me some relief. It is great to know that you are not alone with this problem.
Np bro. If you have any questions or anything don’t be afraid to shoot me a message, I’ve been through the ringer with this stuff. Always willing to help another dealing with such an unfortunate struggle.
