Hi everyone, new here. Starting my journey to recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Finally getting help, Oct 9, 2023.

  1. I’ve only recently accepted that my relationship with porn qualifies as an addiction. I’d been struggling with feelings of guilt from overuse and noticing how much time I was wasting watching/obsessing over porn. It was in my face for a long time. I’d look forward to time alone in the house, edge for hours at a time and not want to stop, lie about my usage (I would say I couldn’t sleep and then go into the guest room to look at porn on my phone), break social appointments in favor of porn etc.

    So, I started reading Reddit and took a couple of online quizzes and really accepted that my usage was problematic. I made a few attempts to stop but failed multiple times after only making it a few days each time. My self-esteem went in the shitter.

    Now, I’m taking this seriously. I’ve deleted my collection, downloaded a journal app to track my progress, set a goal (14 days to start), found this forum for support which I plan to actively participate in at least once a day, and identified some of my triggers and enacted plans to avoid them.

    honestly, I’m anxious. But I really want to succeed. Thanks for reading
  2. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums!

    Thats not too unusual, brain kinda protects you from seeing shit thats out of sync with your self image.

    Good luck!
  3. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Good luck for your recovery, it is very common to relapse in the beginning.
    However upon analysing why and how it came to the relapse you get better with time at eliminating the root causes or notice the patterns/rituals in advance.
    e.g. looking up ex partners on social media or coming home drunk from a party and everyone is already asleep
    Those 2 would often times made me watch porn.
  4. One of the reasons I deleted TikTok. Too many girls in bikinis!

    Drinking alcohol does it for me too. I always wake up wanting P the next day. Not sure why that is.
  5. Man, it’s so damn hard to stay clean. Sometimes my brain is asking me “do I even want to?”

    I know the answer is yes, I do but when the opportunity and easy access is there….its tough.
  6. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Basically anything that impairs your judgement will do that. Annoying but completely normal.

    Good rubric is HALT.
    If you wanna use, check if you are


    If yes, address that need.

    Your brain (as in "you") is gonna tell you a lot of colorful, creative things trying to get back to porn. Again, is to be expected and normal. All smoke and mirrors, all bullshit. But appreciate: you know yourself quite well, so you gonna be hitting a lot of critical points when trying to argue yourself back in.

    Also, many people benefit from not having easy access. Maybe make it less easy.
  7. Toby

    Toby Member

    It's very difficult in the beginning as has already been said, but it'll get easier. I fell recently after an almost 100 day long streak, I'm no anxious at all because I know I can do this and so can you!
    I'll be honest with you, sometimes I don't want to stay clean, I wan't P, but then I remind myself of the benefits I get from not watching, and I want those benefits more! That what keeps me motivated!! And the more I keep away from it the less I think about it, and eventually it's not even tempting (but I've also learned that you will still need to keep your guard up)

    Keep it up man!! Good that you keep track of days, I know it motivates me at least, but also find other motivations such as quality of life, because you will notice a significant difference when you start to get bigger number of days!! Usually the 14 first days of keeping away from an addiction is the hardest, and after 30 days you can feel a difference
  8. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Absolutely being horny while having a hang over is common, major relapse altert.
    There's even the word 'horny hangover' for it.
  9. Thanks for the replies everyone. I’m still clean today, I made it but it wasn’t easy.

    Glad to hear I’m not alone in terms of the horny hangover. I always thought that was just me!

    any tips on making it harder to access? I work from home and I have a habit of mindlessly using my phone or personal computer during work hours….
  10. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Some tips:
    - turn off all unnecessary notifications on your phone, I only have whatsapp messages on, and it's always in 'vibration' mode.
    - put your phone in "do not disturb" mode during sleep and when you want to concentrate on something.
    - even better to put your phone out of reach when you need to work
    - porn blockers
    - delete unnecessary time consuming apps like social media. If you want to stay on the platform perhaps you can only enter it via you desktop PC that limits the amount.
  11. I caved late last night. Felt all the shame and guilt to go along with it. Hadn’t even made it few days.

    But, I know that failure is a part of this journey and I will not be giving up. A new streak starts today. I hope to make it to 3 days no PMO. I know that isn’t a lot for some people but I have to start somewhere.

    and thanks for the tips above. I’m going to try some of them like the do not disturb thing.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  12. Day 2 complete. I feel in control today.
  13. At the end of day 3 and isn’t it crazy how much easier it is to avoid PMO when you’re busy? It’s almost like we do it out of habit or convenience. Maybe some combo of both.
  14. Toby

    Toby Member

    Yes this was very much the case for me! Habit played a huge part for me, my fingers would automatically open incognito mode while working from home and open a P site, I wasn't necessarily horny or anything. Today the challenge is more when I'm alone and I'm actually aroused, but occasional MO works well for me (but I know that for some this means danger since it pushes them to PMO), it doesn't set me back in a flatline or give me issues with sex or anything, PMO however, just once, will set me back and give me unstable erections.

    If willpower isn't enough for you, find new habits/hobbies that helps you keep away from P, maybe remove social media apps for a month? Read books or paint or whatever during the evening instead of browsing the web and things like that.
  15. I was just thinking about this after reading through another thread and I think the endless scrolling really does have an impact. Like you suggested, I’ve stopped using instagram and TikTok as I’ve identified them as triggers.

    I am going to try to use news sites more often. Maybe get an Apple News subscription.
    Toby likes this.
  16. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    For me it is sufficient to read the free articles from my preferred news sites.
    The important news is free, the opinions and interviews of experts usually require to have a subscription but they're not that relevant.
  17. I actually like reading Apple News anyway. But it had previously been kept to a morning only thing. News+ may be worth it for me.
  18. Day 5 is on its way to being complete. Currently watching Monday Night Football and holding myself accountable for my check-in here.

    It’s counter-intuitive but it feels like the longer the streak, the easier abstaining from P gets. I feel more in control today then I have in a long time and I struggled to make it to 3 days before. Hoping this continues.
    BackOnTrack likes this.
  19. balance3

    balance3 New Member

    Some momentum is always nice. Stay on the path. You are making progress. The more we do it differently than before, the better we get at it.
  20. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    Absolutely, the longer you stay away the easier it gets.
    However I noticed when I had a day where I would think "this is under controle" it would often follow by a day where I have strong urges because I let my guards down.
    Addiction can't be cured unfortunately, however in the end people end up with a healthier happy life once the manage the urges etc.

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