Here we go... I need some accountability to keep going

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Lowdo, Jan 13, 2017.

  1. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    This is the right attitude, only one that matters. My thoughts are with you, brother. I can fully relate how you feel in my present condition.
     
    Lowdo likes this.
  2. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys - means a lot. I'm all good at the mo and will be heading off on a one week camping holiday with no web access tomorrow - it'll be good to be off the grid for a bit.

    There have been a few things coming up lately which have been causing me a lot of anxiety. I'm trying to learn how to cope better with anxiety - I think it's still a significant weak-spot for me.
     
  3. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Have a good trip. Anxiety is the addicts friend. Hopefully you can relax and chill.
     
    Lowdo likes this.
  4. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hi guys - I'm back from my camping trip and apart from one real anxiety/anger attack late one night (more on that in another post) I had a great time away with wife and daughter. Plenty of time to chill, unwind and think - away from temptation and work stress.

    Have had some quite strong urges this evening but decided to come here instead. The more I work on staying clean, the more I realise that there is so much more still to uncover...

    Still - onwards and upwards - I'll post more details hopefully tomorrow but I'm tired now and would be safer keeping away from the web for the rest of the night.
     
    Squire, 40New30 and dig deep like this.
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Camping is the bomb.
     
    Lowdo likes this.
  6. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys - just checking in to say all's good. Have made some really positive moves in a difficult week. Rather than feeling sorry for myself and giving into bouts of anxiety I've been chatting my my wife about things, taking on some challenges, and facing some stuff (mostly work-related) that has been lurking in the background for a while. Heading into the weekend now and the weather's lovely so I'm hoping for a chilled out time to do some more thinking.

    Have been really helped by some of the ideas in the 'No more Mr Nice Guy' book that Saville and Squire have been discussing. Need to do some more work on that tho...

    Take care all!
     
    Squire and 40New30 like this.
  7. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Just stopping by to say hello and ask how things are going?
     
  8. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Bugger...

    As you've probably figured out by now, all has not been OK. I'd go into a whole list of what's been going on but, to be honest, it would only be excuses... I might unpack it later but for now, here's all that matters: I relapsed (multiple) and have been too self-conscious to come here and sort it out.

    I'm here to stop now (no counter cos I want to stop for good) - I did over a year in the past so I know I can do this. I still have a wife and daughter who love me, a job, a house so there will be no self-pity.

    On the positive side, I have been getting really into running and am now fitter than I think I've ever been. I want to build on all this over the next few months and start being an active part of this community again. I'm sorry to have been absent, and to have dropped the ball - I hope you're all doing OK. I'm off now to catch up on all the threads.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  9. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys. Just checking in to say that all's well. Had a quiet weekend with plenty of excercise. Still struggling a bit with general anxiety & stress but hoping to be able to chat to someone soon...
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  10. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Hey there Lowdo.
    Great to hear you're doing ok.
    Exercising sounds great. I've been so busy I haven't been able to. Bike got a flat. Got it fixed..... ready to go again. Love bike riding.
    Is your stress and anxiety from work or personal or all of the above?
    Good to hear from you
     
  11. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    I've experienced similar, i.e. upon relapsing felt too hypocritical and self conscious to come here. But that's the wrong attitude. We should try to come here and post regardless. Sure, I'd rather read about people's successes than failures but at the same time remember that nobody here will judge you. We're all facing similar struggles. Onwards and upwards.

    Great work on the running and for getting into the best shape you've ever been. Keep it up. How we feel physically spills over into every other aspect of our lives.
     
  12. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey Rapha & Boxer - thanks for the encouragement. I'm still doing OK. The stress and anxiety have predominiantly been from work over the last few years. It's been made worse recently by the fact that my father-in-law has just passed away - he and I were always good friends so it'a a personal loss for me but obviously is hard on the whole family.

    I'm trying to keep work stress under control by setting limits and making sure I exercise and relax as much as possible.

    Thanks again - I'm keeping my posts brief at the moment as I still need a bit to time to unpack stuff. Your support & understanding means a lot!!
     
  13. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Just another quick check-in. Doing OK at present - got out for a good run last night and spent some time chilling out. Making sure that I give time to myself (I know it sounds a bit lame) is essential to keeping any kind of positive outlook at present - otherwise I very quickly spiral into a really negative mindset.

    Thanks again to all of you. Hope you're all doing OK.
     
    Boxer17 and Libertad like this.
  14. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey all - just another daily check-in. Actually feeling a bit better today. Still all good on the PMO front and feeling a bit lighter generally - altho that might have more to do with the fact that it's Friday!

    Keep going all of you - I hope you're doing OK!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  15. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys! Sorry I vanished for a week.

    Last week was my father-in-law's funeral and afterwards I just needed to go off the grid for a bit. For the first time ever I actually spoke to my boss and admitted I was finding things a bit rough and asked if I could take a few days off work. I basically spent time just pottering around the house and garden and starting to get my head straight... although that'll probably take a few more days!

    The time off did me good and I'm still PMO-free. I had a tough weekend though - ran in a 24 hour endurance race (as part of a team - not on my own!!) and have managed to damage my knee. I'm really hoping it heals up soon as running is my current number 1 stress reliever and at the moment all I can do is limp :-(

    Anyhoo... that's how I'm doing at the moment. I'm not at my best but I'm better than I was so that's the right direction! Hope you're all ok!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  16. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Hey Lowdo
    I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father in law and friend.

    Wow. To hurt your knee is really a bummer. I know. I am currently wearing a knee brace and it's a pain :eek::rolleyes: (literally and figuratively)

    Good to hear from you sir
     
    Lowdo likes this.
  17. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Just another quick pre-weekend update. Hope you're all trucking along OK. Things seem ok for me at the moment - although I'm definitely in the midst of a whole 'mid-life re-evaluation' thing - I think that's a better name than 'crisis'!

    Getting to a certain age, and starting to lose those you love I guess makes you start to think more clearly about what you're doing with your own life. Not sure what will come of all this thinking - probably nothing dramatic. My wife & I have been chatting things through together so whatever happens it'll be a team effort...

    Anyhoo - have a good weekend everyone. Thanks again for your support!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  18. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey guys. I'm here to say I screwed up last night - I was working late on a writing project (something I've always wanted to do and have recently been trying to get moving on - more on this another time) and a stray image search lead me onto a click-fest which ended up with P - the worst bit is that I made a concious decision to turn the filter off.

    I have now removed the netgear software which allowed me to switch the filter off so easily and and am determined that this will be a blip. I'm back in the saddle and maybe the only positive is that for once I have been 'brave' enough to come here straight away rather than ferreting around for days feeling like a failure.

    Heading into my favourite time of year I am determined to be clear-headed and achieve some of the goals I've set for myself. I'm planning start start some studying (purely for myself - not work related) and really want to do some writing. I will not let addiction wreck this. I know you guys will keep me accountable - it's ultimately up to me though.

    I hope you're all doing OK - sorry I've been so quiet on other threads lately - I haven't really felt like I've had much to offer. Take care everyone.
     
    A New Man and Boxer17 like this.
  19. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Right - sorry for a couple of days of silence - work has been manic and I've hardly had any spare time. Things are still good although I had a very near slip-up last night. I tend to be working late on my writing/studying recently which means I'm alone with a laptop - a stray image nearly led me off down the same path as last weekend but this time the filter stopped it - thank God!

    This does however highlight an issue I'll need to address - I want to carry on writing but writing is a solitary thing that tends to require a laptop late at night - which is dangerous for me. I know I could write on paper but I've tried that before and I just end up losing stuff. I guess I could set the internet connection to turn off at certain hours but my docs are all in the cloud so I might need to make sure I sync first...

    Something to think about - in the past I've found that simple lifestyle adjustments (like getting rid of my android tablet) made being PMO free a lot easier.

    I hope you guys are all OK. Keep trucking on!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  20. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Right - sorry for a couple of days of silence - work has been manic and I've hardly had any spare time. Things are still good although I had a very near slip-up last night. I tend to be working late on my writing/studying recently which means I'm alone with a laptop - a stray image nearly led me off down the same path as last weekend but this time the filter stopped it - thank God!

    This does however highlight an issue I'll need to address - I want to carry on writing but writing is a solitary thing that tends to require a laptop late at night - which is dangerous for me. I know I could write on paper but I've tried that before and I just end up losing stuff. I guess I could set the internet connection to turn off at certain hours but my docs are all in the cloud so I might need to make sure I sync first...

    Something to think about - in the past I've found that simple lifestyle adjustments (like getting rid of my android tablet) made being PMO free a lot easier.

    I hope you guys are all OK. Keep trucking on!
     

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