Here we go again

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by machok, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 6 weeks no P, 2 weeks no MO

    Thanks Unplug, always nice to get some encouragement :)

    Not especially horny today, but I have had the heaviest urge to look at porn so far during this reboot. The worst part is that I'm not horny, my scumbag brain is only screaming for the dopamine kick; "Just a little peek wouldn't hurt", "You know you like big asses, just search on Google pictures for some mild Brazilian g-string asses on the beach, that is not harmful". This is going to be a though night - Think I need to take a walk outside soon, too cool off my urges. Strange how these urges soon comes out of no where, because I have rarely felt any urges to peek at porn during this reboot.

    Porn free 6 weeks today wuhu :D
  2. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 6 weeks no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Please help :'(

    6 Weeks no P, 3 weeks no MO

    I'm totally in flatline even though I dreamed about relapsing to porn and another sexual dream about my ex and another girl later on. Both times I woke up with an erection. But later on I woke up and felt so shit because I feel my life is running away and everything is out of control. I actually sat down on my toilet to MO because I wanted to feel better, but after some mild strokes I didn't get any bloodflow and I gave up after 1 minute, thinking it was for the better that nothing happened. I don't have a job now and it's killing my confidence. I don't know if I could hold a job right now either, my mind is just so fucked up. I have brain fog all the time and my mind is so unfocused. I'm not seeing any of the benefits people are talking about with less procrastination, better concentration and less anxiety etc. Ever since I started going PMO free on and off since january 2012 I have never felt so miserable in my life. The last 8 months have been filled with anxiety and nervousness. I want to find a girl, but in this state of mind I'm not capable to hook up with anyone.

    I hope it's going to fix it self eventually, but my main worry is that all the PMO up through the years has only hidden my true psyche, and I'm actually an anxiety wreck :( I hope it's only withdrawal symptoms because it all started when I quit, but I'm starting to worry.

    Is it somebody hear on the board who struggled with sudden anxiety because of PMO abstinence and feel much better after going for the long run, please give me some feedback ??
  3. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 6 weeks no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Felt really crap today, but I went for a run and felt much better afterwards. Later this night while I was laying in bed just surfing on my Iphone, the urge to test my self and use porn hit me hard. I went to the bathroom and got some toiletpaper before i rushed back to bed. I then went straight to the big butt category on youporn and just looked at some of the thumbnail for the videos and slowly felt the bloodstream in my penis to flow. The dopamine in my brain started to pump and then it hit me. NO F****** WAY, I'M NOT GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING NOW ! So i threw the iPhone away and took a long cold shower. I don't count this as a relapse, because i didn't touch my self or look at any videos. Only 6-7 glances at some of the thumbnails for half a minute. I actually see this as a victory itself, because it shows my improved will power and I'm also glad that porn didn't excite me as much as i thought.

    This addiction is so real, I'm gonna make it this time !
  4. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 6 weeks no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Not so much to report. I have started to do some cardio everyday now and it has done wonders for my anxiety and depressive thoughts. I run 30 minutes everyday, it's not so long, but i can definitely feel the benefits. Usually i just do some weightlifting and it's a little effective to lessen my anxiety, but cardio is by far the greater to boost my dopamine levels. I can see this workout routine doing wonders for my reboot :)
  5. machok

    machok New Member

    100 Days porn Free today

    I have MO'ed 4 times, during this period. My dick size is a little bit bigger and libido is ok I guess, but I haven't had any spontanious erection, only a few occasions when I got a semi erection. Morning wood is pretty persistent, but not every night. I'm far from cured yet and haven't fooled around with girls in ages. Going out tomorrow and hope at least to make out with a girl, but I'm still very afraid of sexual encounters because of performance anxiety. Thankfully my general anxiety is so much better and I rarely get those feelings anymore. I thought this feeling came because of my former new job, but I'm now certain it was just withdrawal symptoms of one of my former abstinence periods. It's really sad that porn cost me my first real job, Oh my god it's really pathetic :(

    Anyways I will keep on going and be porn free and try to not masturbate. Think I will visit my doctor to get some viagra/cialis as well, because I haven't had sex in almost 1 1/2 year, so the performance anxiety will be hard to beat without some pills.

  6. machok

    machok New Member

    Awesome night out

    Went to a party with two of my friends yesterday, I was in a very good mood and psyched for a night out. I didn't know anybody except my friends there, and the rest of the people was a bit trashy. It was especially one burlesque like girl with big ass and tits i kept an eye on. She oooozed sex and I love big ass girls. So after a few beers I gave her a few slaps on her ass and she didn't mind at all. That's very untypical behavior from me, but I had a very confident mood that night. So I just kept on and placed myself behind her and grabbed her ass and tits, kissed her lightly on the lips and put my hand down her legs. It was a great feeling and I started to get really horny and soon after the blood flow started to my penis. My friends looked at me with the "what the hell are you doing man" look, but I just kept on going. I haven't been this forward with a girl since god knows when. I very rarely get erections when I'm drunk, but something has definitely happened now. I really feel like my old self ;D

    We had to leave the party and in one of the clubs I hooked up with one of the other girls I talked with earlier at the party. We danced and talked and really had a good time. We were really close to kissing but it didn't happen, but hey, I felt really good and confident. When I went home I was still horny and started looking for prostitutes, but I couldn't find anyone. Instead I met another girl I went to school with and sat down with her in the streets. She was pretty drunk and I didn't make a real move, but yet again I was in control of the situation and really outgoing. We sat there for a while, but I decided to go home after some time. But on my way home I met one of my friends ex'es and decided to go to an after party with her and some other people. It was nice, but after a while i finally decided it was time to hit the bed and went home.

    My libido is definitely much better and I'm more confident then I have been in a really long time. I was totally in control the whole night, I actually feel that performance anxiety wouldn't have been an issue that night. I can totally relate to what other rebooters have said, when they feel animal like.

    I'm hungover and really happy. Don't look at porn guys and life will smile back at you :D
  7. MikesB

    MikesB Member

    machok, I just read first and last post in your journal and I'm like wow! That's brutal improvement! It's really motivating to see that you get such a great confidence boost during your reboot. Good job! ;)

    Btw.. You just went to that big assed girl and grabbed her tits? No talks or anything? :D

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