Here we go again

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by machok, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. machok

    machok New Member

    4 weeks no PMO

    PMO free 4 weeks

    Had a little anxiety feeling today, but it wasn't so bad and faded away rather quickly. Libido is still very much present even though I don't have any spontaneous erections. I'm starting to crave sex really bad now and suddenly I started to search on the internet for strip clubs. Didn't look at any nude pictures, only looked up where they were located, but I have to watch out because my scumbag brain is starting to get really horny. I'm also starting to fantasize about visiting a Thai massage place when I'm finished reeboting, even though it most likely isn't going to be a rub & tug my brain hopes that one of the ladies is going to ask. Think I have to be careful now....cravings is starting to get though !
     
  2. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    Re: 4 weeks no PMO

    Congrats on 4 weeks!

    Yep, watch out for that scumbag brain. He's not on your side.

    I wonder if a legit massage with no chance of happy ending would actually be a good thing to do. PMO is not about the touch of another person at all. I'm thinking it could be good to remind your brain about human touch being associated with pleasure and get it thinking more in that direction.
     
  3. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: 4 weeks no PMO

    Thanks man :) Yeah maybe you're right, haven't been touched by a woman gently in a long time, so i think i should do that and enjoy it !
     
  4. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    Re: 4 weeks no PMO

    And maybe talk to her throughout, so your brain doesn't go into fantasy mode. I think you want to associate being fully present with a woman and feeling pleasure at the same time.

    I think presence is a major factor that makes real-world sex alien to the PMO brain. PMO requires no presence at all. Good sex with a person requires a lot of it.
     
  5. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: 4 weeks no PMO

    The last days have been amazing. When I look in the mirror I no longer have a penis, but a cock. It's much fuller and definitely longer when flaccid. Since I can remember it has always been cold and small, and I would be a little embarrassed if I took a shower with other guys in the gym. But now I am proud walking a round with this meat dangling between my legs :) This happened last time too, but only when I started masturbate again after around 35 days no PMO.
     
  6. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: 5 weeks no PMO

    5 weeks no PMO today !

    Anxiety has thankfully been a lot better and I feel more or less like my self again. Seems like the no PMO fucked up my brain chemistry a bit. Morning wood is a regular thing now, and that's great. Not so much else to report, haven't been out drinking in a couple of weeks so I don't know how I will react around women. I definitely need to keep going for several more weeks before I'm done rebooting. I'm starting to live by myself again this week, hope I still manage to keep away from porn even when I'm alone.
     
  7. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: 5 weeks no PMO

    Congratulations, you've come a far way. I doubt you'll want to ruin all that effort now? :)

    When you pack up your bags and start living by yourself - you should totally write some thing why you don't wanna ruin everything, the reasons you want to quit it and etc and hang it on your wall or put in somewhere where you can get a peak at few times a day. Installing a bump on the road to relapse - K9 should so some good. Although it even keeps me from entering sites such as imageshack and others - I don't even mind that, the only things I unblocked were torrents and youtube. K9 helps keep my mind off not even P but other worthless trash from my head as well. :)

    Keep it up.
     
  8. machok

    machok New Member

    Back to scratch :(

    I caved in last week and masturbated to porn again. It all started when i watched the new nicky minaj music video on my smartphone, and i masturbated to that two days in a row. Then it was straight back to porn again and now I'm back just where I started. Fucking shit !!! I got so hard the first times I watched the music video and it almost felt like an explotion in my head, just an extreme fealing. The first times I also could ejaculte in 15-20 seconds, it was so ridicules sensitive.

    The reason I started to masturbate again was because my anxiety started to control my life completely. My new job was just stress and I almost fainted during a business meeting. I was seconds away from just storming out of the room. I got panic feeling from everything. Now I feel much better in my head, but my dick is flat and joyless again. I don't know what to do anymore....I also wonder what you other guys think about your dick getting so sensitive, if I had sex two weeks ago I would have ejaculated in 5 seconds easily. If you conquer porn ED it's great, but what about PE ??
     
  9. pjokay

    pjokay New Member

    Re: Back to scratch :(

    Maybe it settles after ahile, too horny at first and then controllable? But one thing at a time. Once you figure you about back can always work on techniques for that. But blowing your load too ealry is nowhere near as embarassing as nothing happening to begin with!
     
  10. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Re: Back to scratch :(

    As said above, sex where you ejaculate too quickly is better than no sex at all because of ED. I remember that I went through pretty much the same thing - about 4 week PMO abstinence, then 5 days or bad binging with no apparent end in sight. I couldn't even make it 24 hours at that point, no matter how hard I tried. I am now almost at that 28 day point again, with no filters or anything on the computer that I am using the majority of the time. Remember that you did it once, you can do it again, and you can do it better.
     
  11. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Re: Back to scratch :(

    You are good man. Don't you dare give in to despair and refuse to try again. This addiction is just porn and you can knock it flat on its ass. Just remember lesser man than you have tried and succeeded and you can do the same. We are all pulling for you because we share what you are going through. Take care buddy!
     
  12. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again !

    It's been a long time since I posted something here. Got severe anxiety problems last time, but I don't think it was the abstinence alone that made me feel that way. Anyway I feel better now and have been PMO free 2 weeks now. I have struggled with different health issues for a while now, but want to fix this problem once and for all. Lasted almost 5 weeks last time and I saw major differences with my libido and penis size, only problem was that I was so sensitive that I would come after half a minute of stroking. I went back on the porn binging train because I thought it would help my anxiety problems. It did not help at all..... Now i really want to fix myself, because my confidence with women is so so low now. And I even don't try to hook up with girls in clubs anymore, because I'm so afraid that my penis doesn't get up. Alcohol is also the opposite of aphrodisiac to me, my dick gets cold and smallet, and i also found out that my brother also have problems with getting it up when he drinks alcohol. My performance anxiety is a really big problem, and i think i need to know a girl before I dare make a move to the bedroom.

    Anyway I will try to update my journal fairly regularly, because without it, I tend to relapse far too easy.
     
  13. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again !

    Not much to report today. No morning wood, but my penis feels bigger and more firm in the morning while I'm laying in bed. Often i don't wake up to morning wood, but it gets erected just while i lay there and try to wake up. These erections are often very strong and can last really long if I just stay in my bed. One of my problems is that I feel really horny when I wake up in the moring, but almost never get this feeling through out the day. If I just had a minimum of this "rush" when I went clubbing it would be a lot easier for me to hook up with women, but my dick just feels dead. Hope this is just over stimulation of my brain / dick and this reboot will fix it.
     
  14. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Re: Here we go again !

    Welcome back!

    Good work so far...keep it up!
     
  15. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again !

    Thanks Spinergy :) how are you doing with your reboot ? 3 weeks no PMO today and I can feel something is going on in my brain. This would be my 3'rd serious try at a reboot, and i want to succeed this time. The two last times I can remember that my dick started to respond really well between week 3 and 4, and I could get a boner only by thinking about something sexy. But this time I will try not to fantasy and testing my self is strictly forbidden. My problem is that i get serious anxiety problems when I try to reboot. It's killing me and cost me my last job that I had to quit :( Now I have no new job and I have a bit of a financial problem because of my apartment rent. I try to exercise regularly to boost my dopamine levels and I feel it helps a bit. Haven't had morning wood in 5 days, but I had a very vivid dream tonight were I had an opportunity to have sex with a girl, but I felt so horny that I almost came only by flirting with her, so I backed out ::) It felt so real and I was at the brink of coming, I don't know if i almost had a wet dream, but I can only remember having one wet dream in my whole life when i was 14 years old. Hope i can make it this time and stop my performance anxiety too, even in my dreams i back out from sex because of performance anxiety :-\
     
  16. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again !

    Tonight I had a very sexual dream again. I also had a dream within a dream (inception?) that i woke up and had a wet dream but it wasn't the case when I woke up later only with a boner and nothing else . Later that morning I woke up again with a raging morning wood and jumped out of bed to take a piss. When I got back into bed it suddenly got rock hard again. Something is definitely starting to happen in my brain and dick :) It was a major boost for my confidence and I felt like the king of the world. Best morning in a looong time. I ate a lot of watermelon before I went to bed and it contains high levels of the amino acid l-citrulline, which is very good for producing nitric oxide and erections. It maybe just a coincidence, but I consider trying out some citrulline supplements.
     
  17. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 3 weeks PMO FREE !

    Porn free 5 weeks, MO free 1 week. Masturbated one time only to sensation when I got home last Saturday. I was drunk and horney and needed a release after dancing dirty with a chick that I can't believe I didn't make out with. The orgasm was so shitty, maybe one of my least pleasurable orgasms ever. Think it was because I was drunk, but anyway I hope it hasn't put me too far back. Haven't had any morning wood in many days, only half big flaccid penis that sometimes come a bit erected after I wake up. Mentally vice I have felt much better for the last couple of days, even when I have been in a few stressful situations (job interviews etc.) I try to exercise 3 times a week lifting weights and some running. I feel great afterwards for an hour or two, but the effect fades out after that. I can feel that I'm much more motivated to meet real women, and the desire too hook up with someone is starting to improve greatly.

    Yesterday my ex called me. We actually managed to stay friends after the break up and talk once in a while, usually she calls me. Anyway she started to dig really hard and ask me if I was dating anyone and wouldn't let it go before she got an answer (very curious girl). I didn't want to talk about it with her and after a while she accepted that, but it made me feel really angry about my self. I have wasted over a year since we broke up and have only made out with a few chicks and no sex. God I felt sick for hours afterwards and planned going to a local strip joint, but at the end i didn't. She found someone rather quickly after we broke up and I am wasting my best years.


    Since January I have tried to fix this problem, but the sudden anxiety from staying PMO free is holding me back every time.

    I'm so fed up and my motivation is even higher to fix my self now! It's now or never !!!!!
     
  18. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 3 weeks PMO FREE !

    Think I have been in flatline mode for a while now. I can jazz up my dick only by barely touching it in the morning while i lay in bed ( I know it's not good, but i need to see if it's working), but throughout the day it's totally dead. Had a very good day yesterday and felt like my old self again. I made my friends laugh several times and my mood was pretty good all day. But today I'm more down and had a tiny anxiety feeling but it faded away fast thankfully. I think the reason why I'm down is because it's Saturday and I have not done anything today and I'm not going to do anything tonight either. All my friends are busy and I don't feel like going out alone. I'll just keep on going and stay away from PMO, but I can feel when I'm bored the urge to masturbate haunts me. Porn urges is very low, but sometimes I feel the urge to stroke myself sneaks upon me, thankfully I'm flatlining right now. I have also managed to stay away from the urge to test myself, in my previous efforts this has always been an issue. Sometimes I relapsed or if I didn't I would get blue balls from hell and sore scrotum for many days.

    I have started doing some reverse kegels, because I think my PC muscle is to tight. It often takes a long time before my pee stream starts and I have also noticed when I get tense, I tend to clinch my pc muscle. Also during sex and masturbation I automatically clinch it, and then come very fast afterwards. Before I hit flatline, I actually noticed my flaccid size become bigger for a long period of time after doing reverse kegels.
     
  19. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 5 weeks no P, 2 weeks no MO

    Still going strong. Recently I bought citrulline malate because I have heard so much positive things about it. It tastes really sour and is a little bit hard on the stomach, but since I started it I have had morning wood every day. And I have been in flatline for a while now. I can only imagine how strong my erections will be when the flatline period is over. I know many of you are against supplements and the fact that porn addiction part is in our brain, but i don't think it's a negative thing to boost your libido even further by adding more of the really important nitric oxide. I read somewhere I don't remember now that if you wank a lot and orgasm many times over a long period of time, you will hurt the penis tissue because of inflammation and the loss of several important minerals & stuff. I have several times MO'd when my penis is not hard at all and that may be the most damaging thing you can do to your penis. Adding the very important nitric oxide will help to heal and soften the arteries in your body and penis tissue. This may be placebo, but it gives me more confidence that my dick will work next time and I'm going to try it for at least a month.


    Cheers !
     
  20. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Re: Here we go again: 5 weeks no P, 2 weeks no MO

    Hang in there! It's worth it. Better to go through reboot/recovery at 24, like you, than at 48, like me!
     

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