Here we go again

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by machok, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    22 days no porn, 19 days no MO. Don't feel any benefits except general good mood. Had a pretty bad hangover yesterday and I felt some urges to MO, but i fought it away. Except for my two porn slip ups 22 days ago I haven't looked at porn since january 8th, and that is pretty good actually. Don't feel any cravings to look at porn at all at the moment. Now I need to control my MO cravings and reebot myself to become the person I have always wanted to be. Got a new job last week too, the transformation has begun :)
     
  2. machok

    machok New Member

    Masturbator & commander - 3 weeks no PMO

    3 weeks no PMO and I feel pretty good. A new girl started at my job today and she had huge tits and was pretty cute as well. I just played it cool and was nice to her without putting to much effort into it. In my side view I could she that she looked at me several times and she also came to me for advice a couple of times, when she could easily have talked to anyone else that actually had responsibility for her. Don't know if it was only a coincidence, but I can feel the female attraction that other guys has talked about. Similar attraction episodes with girls have happened several times recently and I see this as a good sign, and I want to keep on going until i reach at least for 10 more weeks.

    Haven't felt any aching in my prostate since I started some supplements:

    - Cranberry tablets
    - Vitamin-C
    - Vitamin-B
    - Zink (with pumpkin seeds)

    I have also come to the conclusion that edging without ejaculation is really bad while you are reeboting. My prostate got really swollen last time because of this and it irritated and swollen the whole area. Just keep your hands away !

    Peace out
     
  3. ssk08

    ssk08 Pointman

    Re: Masturbator & commander - 3 weeks no PMO

    Good to hear that your progress with women is linear.

    Majority of women have no other way to "approach" a guy without feeling cheap. Catch them when they enter your proximity or when they give extensive eye-contact.
     
  4. machok

    machok New Member

    Masturbator & commander - 3 weeks no PMO

    Thanks ssk08 ! That's a good tip actually, when I was younger I picked up those signals more often. But after PMO for several years and being in a relationship I don't have that in me anymore. Hopefully this is about to change now. I'm so bad at making the move after I see signs of attractions, but I have to look at my self and start doing something about it. I will end up alone for a long time if i don't take the hints girls are giving me and make something out of it.
     
  5. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Still PMO free for over 3 weeks, but need help :(


    I got a new problem, and it's really frustrating. My anxiety has got a lot worse the last couple of days. I had lunch with my future co-workers, and suddenly out of nowhere I felt like I got a sort of anxiety attack. I manage to burst out of it rather quickly, and nobody noticed but it was a really unpleasant experience. I didn't think so much about it that day, but for the last couple of days I started to search up on the internet about what I felt and many of the symptoms I have felt through life matches up with an anxiety disorder called depersonalization. Not always but sometimes I just go threw the motions in life and feel like I'm not really "there in the moment". I'm almost like a robot, and suddenly like the experience with the co-workers I sort of see my self like it's a movie and listen to my self talking without really thinking about it. Kind of looking at my self on a movie screen in a 3-person view. I can only explain it like a "dolly zoom" that is usually used as a camera effect in various movies.

    I have noticed having these episodes before, but this time it really freaked me out, and the last couple of days I have been really depressed and even thought I'm becoming insane. One time when I was younger I fainted during class, and I took a test for epilepsy, but I came out clear. The feeling I get when i get the "dolly-zoom vision" is really similar and I'm afraid that I'm close to fainting. I have always been an anxious person, but over the last years I have become even more anxious. I'm suddenly afraid of flying and sometimes I even get "claustrophobic attacks" on trains if it's warm, crowded and "thick air" in the cabin.

    I have always seen myself as a cautious person and it hasn't effected me so much, but now I think it's a much bigger problem and maybe I need to see someone before it escalates too far :(
     
  6. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    PMO free for 3 and 1/2 week.

    Anxiety still present but a little bit better. Strange how I suddenly feel like I do know, maybe the reboot just fucks with my dopamine levels for some reason. Feel like crap but have to keep going no matter what.

    Had a rush of libido a couple of days ago and felt an urge to MO, but i didn't cave into it thankfully. Took a cold shower and chilled the little soldier down. Fantasized a little bit before I felt asleep but not much and no touching. No morning wood and haven't been out in the clubs this week so I have no idea how I respond around girls. I'm also finally getting my own place to live again, hopefully this will make it easier to pick up chicks or have girls over.

    Peace out
     
  7. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Hi machok,

    I'll be honest - I've only read the last 2 posts of your journal.

    Are you afraid of something? In my opinion, being cautious and afraid are too different things.

    Have you ever thought where could have these problems be coming from?
     
  8. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Hi ! No prob , it takes too much time to read everybody's journals :)

    Well I have always been a bit nervous of various things (jumping from high altitudes into water, public speaking etc.) and over the years people have mentioned it and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm really bad coping with stress and it makes me mumble words and act strange. But I can also be quite dominant and have trained martial arts, football and many other competitive sports, so I'm no pussy. I'm also very social and have many friends, but deep down I know I'm really insecure. Over the years I feel like my nervousness has become worse and developed into anxiety. I have a chronic stomach disease that made my life hell for years, it's better now but it made me develop social anxiety because I was terrified to crap my pants or taking a smelly dump at a party. After I got this disease some years ago I have suddenly become afraid of flying and have had several near "claustrophobic attacks" etc. The last week I have felt MUCH worse than I have ever felt before, and for a moment I felt like I was about to loose my mind. I don't know the reason, but I suspect it's because I read about an anxiety disorder that looked a lot like some of the symptoms I have felt over the years. And it really freaked me out. It can also be because of my PMO abstinence fucks up my dopamine levels.

    My biggest fear is to make a fool of my self in front of others. That's the reason I ended up here, because I have ED problems related to porn and performance anxiety. I couldn't get it up while I was supposed to have sex with a girl I was crazy in love with, and she basically told everyone at school. It pretty much scarred me for life, I was so ashamed and humiliated. I've had a girlfriend since this (not anymore), but I'm nowhere near enough ready to have a one night stand with a girl before I'm done with my reebot.

    So to sum it up, I'm a neurotic mess :)
     
  9. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    So your biggest fear is to make a fool out of yourself in front of others.

    What's the worst that can happen if you make a fool out of yourself in front of others? What do you think?
     
  10. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    I know it sounds strange or ridicules when you put it out like that, but it's hard to understand how other people react. In Japan for instance many men commit suicide if they feel they have dishonored themselves or their family (I'm not Japanese). I have no problem laughing at my self, but some issues are worse than others. For me the feeling of shame is huge, I know many on this forum have experienced ED problems with girls for instance but this one incident made me feel so little and worthless, and the feeling that no girls would have anything to do with me because they all knew about the incident. The thought of my friends talking to each other and laughing about it makes me depressed. It's a long time ago now, but the scars are still there. I guess I'm too afraid of what other people think about me and I have to stop caring so much, but it's hard to change your personality :(
     
  11. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Machok,

    but the best part is - it's hard, but not impossible. ;)

    People are "free" but what stops them from being really free and doing what they want - thinking what others will think about you.

    Okay, so let's say the news spread. Do you think others, who are not interested and do not know about YBOP or this forum will know about ED and that it's caused by porn? (I'm guessing that the answer is no). So what's left to say that you could've have been nervous or so. And if your friends try to tease you that you were nervous? What happens? Nothing much really.. You can ask them if they ever been nervous as well during "play time". They might say no (if they as afraid as you of what other people will think about them) but in their minds they will even remember that episode. I'm pretty sure every guy and girl was nervous the 1st time and later on times, 1st time with a new girl and every other new girl and so on..

    So what do you think now?
     
  12. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Thanks mate, it makes sense and made me feel better about it :) I know it's pretty common and it's just one friend that has teased me because of it, but he is not a ladies man at all himself so I shouldn't be offended by it. I actually dated a girl six months ago, we didn't have sex but I got hard every time we kissed and it was actually me that broke it off because it didn't work out between us. This was even before my rebooting and. Maybe I just over analyze things and must stop judging my self so much.
     
  13. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Analyzing is a good thing to get to know what you did wrong and what can you change in the future acts.

    So your worst fear ended up in an attempt to get teased by a guy that's not a ladies man himself? So much for the biggest fear's consequences? ;)
     
  14. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Well it's more the thought of what everybody else talked about when I wasn't around. I know for a fact several girls in my class said pretty mean things (friend told me). A funny thing though, is that the girl that told everyone has become really fat now ;D I know I have charm and girls are attracted to me, it's only my own fear and of course PMO habits that holds me back from being successful with the ladies again.
     
  15. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    So they said mean things what about it? For me, mean things, insults (if they have a good reason) even motivate me just to do it and so I could say "You said I couldn't do it, now I did it". Just to prove they were wrong.

    If they said mean things about your ED you can think of "I'll fix my problem and show that there's no ED by proving it with you". ;)
    And anyway there is another quite popular thing - rumors/gossip but most of the time they aren't even true. So were they there to be sure that you had problems or so? ;)
     
  16. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    I actually proved they were wrong, because I had a girlfriend for 4 years. They even said I must be gay because there is no other reason why I wasn't turned on. I guess she become very insecure about herself because i didn't get it up. Rumors is a nasty things, and she and her friends is the worst gossipers I have ever met.
     
  17. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    They just have their own problems and they just try to hide and try to forget them by teasing others. No big deal. ;)
     
  18. Overload

    Overload New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Thanks for posting on my journal, im enjoying your journal too, i could really relate to your story. How is your anxiety today?
     
  19. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    I had severe anxiety feeling today as well. Took the train and I felt really uncomfortable when I was in a tunnel for some reason. I also met a friend for lunch, and was also anxious when we ate, really strange feeling like my mind wasn't present at all. But when I was on my way home I felt much better. Feels like I'm going crazy :)
     
  20. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Out of nowhere my Libido is suddenly rushing through my body. I have not had any spontaneous erections yet, but me dick is definitely bigger flaccid and something is building up. I know if I started touching my dick it will become big rather quick, but I don't want to test my self. No anxiety today at all :) Awesome no PMO is awesome !
     

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