Here we go again

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by machok, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. machok

    machok New Member

    I started masturbating when i was about 11. I remember i used to do it prone, but changed it a year after to "normal style" if you will. When i was young i used to masturbate to comics with half nude drawn actiongirls, but it escalated to some porn magazines I got from a friend when i was about 13. When i got 15/16 i started watching porn video clips and I remember I got horny like a mad man. I was always a popular guy and girls often told me that I was good looking. Since I was a kid I have always been shy amongst girls, but when i started drinking about 16 years old I made out with a lot of girls but no sex.I When I was 18, I hooked up with a girl from class I was in love with, but it ended badly. We tried to have sex but to my amazement i couldn't get it up and i freaked out. she told everyone of her friends and of course almost the whole school knew the story by the end of the weekend. It was the most embarrassing episode in my life and i honestly believe i became a different person after that day.

    Anyway when i was in the military i met a girl a bit younger than me and we ended up being a couple for almost 4 years. The first time we tried to have sex, I had ED even though i had taken a viagra pill. I hit rock bottom but she was really kind and said it didn't matter, and she had of course herd the story about me and the other girl :( But i finally managed to have sex after a while, but finally i admitted that i had used pills. She was shocked and told me that i didn't need to use them. And right she was because i quit, got an erection and have never used them again. We lived together for 2 years and where we lived we didn't have internet so i didn't masturbate while i was there, but we often went home in the weekends and there i would binge into hours of porn, feeling numb and low libido for several days. My libido was low and i could often only orgasm once (like an old rifle) and then had to wait 24hours before i could go again.

    After almost 4 years we broke up last summer(nothing to do with my situation) and since then my porn use have really accelerated. I found the Yourbrainonporn site 8th January and i was so happy, it all made sense. I quit cold turkey and haven't looked at porn since. I have MO two times because i was only going to massage my self, but I couldn't help it, I had to O. It's been over 3 weeks since i last had an orgasm, and i want to wait as long as possible before I do it again.

    IMPROVEMENTS: Less social anxiety, more confidence (I totally rocked at a job interview two days ago :) ), can easier get an erection by only touching my penis. I also got an erection in the morning only by thinking about a girl, no touching.

    BUT: I haven't got ANY spontaneous erections and it's really frustrating, and my morning erections are really variable. I also suspect that i recently got into flatline nr. 2. Feeling absolutely no libido trough all these weeks unless i touch myself. I'm also 99 % shure I have prostatitis. Several times i have got blood in my semen, although it's usually when i have been without masturbation for a while. The last time I had an O, it was completely RED and a week ago had to poop and it came blood out of my penis :(

    GOALS: I want to have normal sex again. And it's really frustrating to only have had sex with one person when you're 24 years old. I want to have one night stands, but i think my performance anxiety is putting a stop for this :(

    Well this is my story and i wish all of you guys the best. Would love some feedback :) sorry my English is quite bad
     
  2. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Hey man, you seem to be in the same boat as a lot of us. It sounds like your reboot is off to a good start,though. I wouldn't worry too much about the MO session, since the gains you've accumulated before then should still count for something.

    As regards the spontaneous erections, I believe everyone is different in this regard. But if you're getting morning wood, and erections only by touching (you sure there's no fantasy? no porn flashbacks going on?), then those are probably good signs.

    The blood coming out of your dick needs to get checked out though, as you know. I don't know anythign about that.

    I'll look forward to reading your updates.
     
  3. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Hey ! yeah I'm quite satisfied with the reboots effect on my social and mental health, but i would love to just get some sensation of life down there. I wake up with morning wood sometimes, but they variate from 30 - 70 %. But the one time i fantasized about a girl i acctually had an erection for 15 minutes almost without touching it while i was showering, that most count for something :) I have masturbated nearly once a day since I was 11, just interrupted by some weeks of absence in the military and in exam periods, so i have been a heavy masturbater almost my whole life. My flatline period came after only 3 days and i can remember if there where times i didn't masturbate for some days before my reboot i would go flatline too, and I was sure I had to masturbate regulary to keep my libido up. The blood out of my dick i need to check out, but i'm afraid they need a semen sample and then my reboot goes down the drain again :-\
     
  4. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Went to the gym and did some cardio today. I try to exercise 3 times a week and feels it help to mellow my mood. Usually i get a dopamine high right afterwards and feel great about my self. Saw a girl that was in my class to when I was younger. We chatted a bit and I also helped out a female employe at the gym with carrying some boxes, which she was really grateful for. Without looking a bit cocky I know females are attracted to me, but my confidence is so low when it comes to escalating. I can feel that I'm starting to get more and more confident around girls again, but the one thing that holds me back are my fears for ending up going limp in the bed. Another big problem for me is that my dick shrinks when I drink alcohol. On the plus side I made out with a girl 3 weeks ago and I got a 20 % erection only by kissing :)
     
  5. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Porn free 56 days today !

    - My mood is generally good, i would put it on a 7 out 10 scale. Eating healthy, take vitamin supplements and exercise regular helps to keep my mood stable.

    - Haven't had an orgasm in 3 weeks, but i had some stroking/massage of the penis a week ago until i got an erection and it felt good, but I'm not if this count as masturbation ??

    - Have not woken up with morning wood for almost a week, but sometimes i just touch my penis (not stroking or anything) and i get a 30 - 60 % erection that fades away rather quickly, maybe i should stop that and leave my dick and brain alone. Libido very low

    - Sometimes i get flashes of my ex-girlfriend or girls i hooked up with before and a few times a bit of porn flashes that i shake away in a few seconds.

    - Had a little bit of porn cravings when i was hung over last weekend, but that's the only time for several weeks I have felt the urge.
     
  6. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Great progress!

    Wondering about this as well, I have these brief moments of stroking as well but I never get close to O. I realize it would be better to just not stroke at all, but I think here we know how difficult that can be.
     
  7. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Thanks ! Well i did it a for several days last week and i did it only with the feeling of sensation and a mild stroke, but i mabye took it a little far. To be honest i feel my libido went even further down after last weeks sessions. It's hard to to change my habits when i have always been a masturbator and commander.
     
  8. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    lol!

    Don't get too bogged down in "did I relapse, or did I not" type of stuff (there's a page in YBOP dealing with this, I forget where exactly). Just keep goign forward. Maybe try putting some cold water on your dick when you feel like you're about to start touchign it. Great progress!
     
  9. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Yes I get really frustrated with the feeling that I maybe i relapsed, but at least I stay away from having an Orgasm. Hehe yes I have used the cold water technique several times. I also use it to heal my other great problem....blue balls from hell. It's always in my right nut and streams upwards on the right side of my groin. Luckily it goes away after a while if I take a cold shower.

    Looking forward to next week and hope I make some progress with more persistent morning and spontaneous erections.
     
  10. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Not so much to tell really, everything is status quo. I called a specialist for a consultation because I want to know what i should do with the most likely prostatitis problem. Yesterday and today I had blood in my urine, really disgusting. The sad thing is that I most likely have to take a sperm sample and then my healing process will go down the drain. The consultation will be in a couple of weeks, but i guess the most important thing is to figure out what the problem with my penis is.
     
  11. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    I wish vampires were real, then I would have had chicks fighting over my bloody d**k. Maybe i should start looking for goth chicks ?
     
  12. bigproblem

    bigproblem New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    After reading your story the good part is that you were at least able to have sex with a girl. This means that physically there is most likely nothing wrong with you and that your problem is mental. This is where no PMO comes in. Go long enough and you will be alright.
     
  13. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Thanks Bigproblem, you're right and I do appreciate that I have had plenty of sex in my life, but my biggest urge at the moment is to experience my sexuality more and have sex with different women. Hopefully my reboot will go alright. I wish you all of the best with your struggles
     
  14. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Very close to relapse. Took a shower after a nice workout, when i felt the urge to have a self massage. Have had very low libido recently and wanted to check out junior's response. Some touches and suddenly I felt the urge really hard, and my minds said "well it's been so long, and it will be good for you". Well I snapped out of it, turned on the cold water and cooled the little fu***r down. Close call.....soon a month MO free and 66 days porn free tomorrow.
     
  15. geordie

    geordie New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    well done that man. 66 days without porn is sensational. really well done. i have been a member of a couple of porn quitting forums in the last 8 months and have found that they either have very very little updates or a huge failure rate. this forum so far im loving. lots of discussion, lots of journals and so far dare i say lots of success. i think that is due to the level of education we all have on the brain.

    can i ask machok out of curiosity when you came close to a relapse what did you nearly relapse with? i ask this becasue you are now 66 days in. was it just masturbation to the feeling, masturbation to somone real life you seen, masturbation to porn fantasy, or going the whole hog and wanting to watch porn?

    any porn cravings?
     
  16. ssk08

    ssk08 Pointman

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    You remind me of someone, you're not from Sweden are you?
     
  17. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Thanks Geordie, I really like this forum to ! I wasn't sure whether I should join or not, but by update my own progress, discussions and reading other users experiences I find this site very motivating for me. It was by mild stroking and i wasn't getting so much response, but then I thought about a big ass I saw at the gym for about 3 seconds and then my blood vessels started up their engines, no porn pictures or cravings for it in my brain. I want to beat my old MO record that was a month, so i snapped out of it. The reason why my brain wanted to MO was because I most likely have prostatitis and regular masturbation prevents inflammation of the prostate. But my goal is to cure my self and I'm going to beat this ridicules habit
     
  18. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    4 weeks since last MO and I have beaten my last record by one day(Porn free almost 9 weeks). Not so much to report, except that my prostate is starting to feel really numb :( I can feel it when I sit down and it's killing me. My body is aching for a release, need to keep strong.
     
  19. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    9 weeks without watching porn today, 4 weeks no MO. Have been sick for a couple of days, stomach bug or something and my mood is really low. Have read a couple of journals at the reuniting site and I saw several guys struggling even though they where over 140 days without PMO, and it made me anxious about my own progress. I want to O even though I don't have an erection at all....frustrating times
     
  20. machok

    machok New Member

    Re: Reboot: 8 week no P, 3 weeks no MO

    Tomorrow is 5 weeks without MO and soon 10 weeks no porn. Have had a couple of morning erections this week, but very week though. But today I woke up with a firm 80 % erection and it felt really good. It seems that if a lay on my back it stays erected for a long time, but if I stand up it goes away rather quickly (3 min after i got out of bed today). This week I have a meeting with a specialist, kind of a male gynecologist. He is gonna look at my prostatitis problem, and I'm also going to ask him about my erection problems as well. They might need a sperm sample and that will interfere with my PMO schedule, so I'm gonna explain about the Yourbrainonporn site and hear what he thinks about it.

    Peace out from machok who wants to fix his cock
     

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