Here we go again

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by MrDalloway, Mar 17, 2022.

  1. MrDalloway

    MrDalloway New Member

    I've recently turned 40 and would like my life to be finally changed. Porn is still a huge problem for me to the point that I am not always able to have sex with my partner and I know that it is very hurtful for him. Last year I managed to stay clean for about 80 days and saw a huge improvement in my sexual life, mood and social interractions. One of the things that helped me was this forum. I am going to try to write here every day a couple of sentences.
    Let's start once again...
    Wish me luck.
    Day: 0
  2. MrDalloway

    MrDalloway New Member

    I've had a pretty good day. Solved some problems at work. After work, I took a nap, learnt some German and then went to the gym, where I stayed for two hours. Let's hope that good vibes with stay with me for the weekend and no relapse is on the horizon.
    Saville likes this.
  3. MrDalloway

    MrDalloway New Member

    Unfortunately, I relapsed after and lost my 10 days streak. The relapse was really bad and happened as usual. First I looked at some soft pictures, then watched soft videos on youtube, then escalated to porn but managed to stop. And then I was triggered and felt horny and couldn't think about anything else but releasing the tension.
    The second reason - I am in a long-distance relationship. My partner came to me on the weekend, we didn't have sex. He left and I said to myself - hey anyway you will see him next time in three weeks, so there is no point in no pmo. This scenario happens almost every time he leaves.
    This time I hit the bottom. I was masturbating for hours to the point that didn't want to go to sleep - last Friday I masturbated from 5pm to 4 am. Yesterday it wasn't better either. I feel really bad, don't have any strength to do the slightest thing. Everything seems to be so challenging. Everything seems to be hopeless...
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You'd be surprised how much even a teaspoon worth of strength can do. Sometimes we just can't find any more in the tank and it feels like we can't move forward...but we can. We are never left completely without something, some smidgen of personal power. Today is a new day!
    MrDalloway likes this.
  5. MrDalloway

    MrDalloway New Member

    I've managed to stay away from porn for a week. The fact that I've been very busy helped me a lot. What I can observe for sure - I have to avoid the slightest trigger to stay clean. I can't allow myself to look even at one sexy online pic cause, as my previous experience showed, this unavoidably leads to a relapse. Hopefully, I will be able to beat this year's record which is 10 days...
    TheUnhappyFapper and Saville like this.
  6. TheUnhappyFapper

    TheUnhappyFapper Active Member

    good job man. One day at a time, and even some times, one hour at a time.
  7. MrDalloway

    MrDalloway New Member

    Day 0
    Unsurprisingly, my resolutions did not work once again. Actually, this year has been the worst in a long time and I haven't been able to reach even a 10 days streak. I've just relapsed even though I promised myself to be stronger this time.
    I know that this forum can help (it happened to me in the past), so I will try to write here every single day.
    My goal is to welcome the new year, 2023, as a new free-of-addiction person. Wish me luck!
    path-forward likes this.
  8. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Welcome back MD! You are off to a great start - looking to expand your mental and physical tool kit to fight off the urges.

    Take it a day at a time. Journaling def helps a lot!

    you got this!
    MrDalloway likes this.

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