Help me ask girl out

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by hope2overcome, Feb 19, 2017.

  1. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    There's a girl at my work place. She is HOT. And, she wears these tight clothing that really draws my attention. I really want her. She is SUPER attracted to me also. Never misses an opportunity to check me out. Gets super attentive when I am near her. Just stares point blank at me with these diluted pupils that stare me down. However, I am super nervous, super shy and I just ignore the shit out of her. I can make conversation but it's just that initial approach I have a hard time doing. Can you guys offer some advice?
     
  2. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    Are either you or her leaving the job any time soon? Might want to consider whether it's even a good idea to ask her out.
    In any case, it doesn't sound like you are in a state of mind right now to have too much riding on this, it could really set you back if it turns out that she has a boyfriend. Girls will flirt with other guys even if they have a boyfriend, subconsciously anyways.

    Perhaps it would be best to just invite her out for coffee, rather than forcing her to have to say yes or no to a direct romantic date. Then you will either have a new friend or a new romantic partner, either way you get practice talking to women right?

    I'm actually kind of surprised you are still nervous around women, by the time I got to know a couple of escorts the shyness just melted away, but I can understand that your experiences with escorts were quite different from my own. Good of you to admit it in any case, you've been a little too egocentric lately from my perspective, it's no good to hold too high an opinion of yourself. Self respect is different from self admiration.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2017
  3. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    This. You know it's a minefield, don't you?

    Either she's genuinely attracted to you, or at some level she gets a boost from the feeling of power she gets by watching you react to her sex appeal (which wouldn't make her a bad person, just damaged like us).

    But if you want to get closer to her, your mission (for now) is just to find information about her. Get talking to her. Ask her questions. Talk about the weather, find something in the news, talk about work, anything, just get her talking about herself. People love talking about themselves! Find out her opinions, her interests.

    Of course, you can always cheat by asking a mutual colleague about what she's into. . . and then subtly steer the talk that way.

    You don't need to go out of your way to impress her. Remember, this isn't a noisy club when you have to make an instant impression - you'll get another chance tomorrow. She will just like the fact that you care, and then you will see what she's like as a person before asking her for a coffee. (And she's more likely to say yes if you already talk about stuff.)

    But go in aware - your porn addict brain will just think about sex, sex, sex and it will be really easy to weird her out. Maybe she's not all that into you, she just reminds you of your favourite porn star. I'm being a buzz kill here, but you have to think about your long-term employment there.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  4. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    Ya and even if you just talk and learn more about her with no sex, it's a great practice.

    Think of it as lifting weights, you don't start with a 200kg deadlift, you work your way up.
    Every time you talk to a girl you "level up" a bit, become more confident and less nervous, there's no way around real life experience.
     

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