Healing while having O's / Sex regularly (NO AROUSAL APPROACH, bigbook come in)

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Anewlife, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    After falling of the wagon a couple of times in the past year (after being almost 3 years P free) i have finally seen the light and quited for good.

    I have one final question for those who also follow the no Arousal approach or something similair;

    Is it possible to completlely heal, get your libido back etc while following the NO arousal approach and still have sex / O's regulairly or is it better to completely abstain for a while and have O's again when libido and morning wood completely return?

    I broke up with my girl a couple of months ago and tried to go 100% hard mode.

    Recently met this new girl and started to have Sex again / O's.

    Erections are pretty good, sometimes some performance anexiety but nothing too bad. couple of times when i didnt get it up but that was after 1 or 2 rounds with O as an ending. Could also have something to do with smoking (pack a day here) notice that when i dont smoke erections are much better.

    Like to hear some insights from you guys who also follow the no arousal approach (bigbook???)

    Thank you for the support and i hope you guys see the light one day too.

    Having a real girl is so much better than all the pixels in the world combined.

  2. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Sounds like you've got a good approach - I think sex is good for your reboot, because it takes your brain away from focusing on pixels/fantasy and back to touch/the present moment.

    Personally, I avoided sex in the early stages of rebooting, but that was due to porn induced ED. Round about at the same time I started to follow No Arousal, but that was because I noticed fantasising was causing me to relapse. I didn't consciously avoid sex as part of No Arousal, if you see what I mean. (I'm now having sex, but I'm also practising No Arousal as I go about my day-today life.)

    Personally, I regard No Arousal as No Mental Arousal. I think the end game for all of us here is a healthy sex life, without porn/fantasy/masturbation.

    Good luck. Enjoy your time with your real girl.
  3. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Thanks Wabisabi this was exactly the answer I was hoping to get.

    Good to hear you take the same approach as me, having sex, but practising No Arousal in you day-today life. This is what i do also.

    I would fully reccomend to anyone reading this topic to at least try the no Arousal method.

    It is in my opinion the best way to full recovery and to having a normal healthy sexual relationship.

    Stop wasting time wathing things that are not even close to the real thing

    Obsessing about women doesnt get you anywhere in life.

    Find a real girl and take care of her

    Thank you

  4. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Wabi do you have regular O's or do you abstain? Do you consider yourself healed?

    Yesterday with my girl again and libido was nowhere to be found, erections where sluggish and came within 3 strokes.

    Dont understand what i am doing wrong.

    Could it have something to do with the smoking/addiction to nicotine?

    Read somewhere that it takes 5x more time for a smoker to get aroused and nicotine hampers blood flow to the penis.

    Any imput = welcome.

  5. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    The regularity of my orgasms? Probably one every two weeks, to be completely honest.

    We are in this habit of sex on Saturday nights, but it doesn't work out every week due to all sorts of comic interruptions and distractions. I don't MO at other times.

    Thanks for asking, but I'm not healed, yet. I feel I'm on the right track. Over the past couple of years I've faced up to a lot of my deep seated internal issues - fear, self-esteem, anger, etc - but I stumbled twice this year over stress. I still fall apart when things get tough, and revert back to PMO. It's a hiding place, I guess. So I'm learning coping strategies.

    Your description of sex - slow start but a quick finish - is exactly what I experienced for my first months of rewiring. For years, you and I (and everyone else here) wired our brains to get fired up by extremes, and then, when we MO'd, we wanted to get it over as quickly as possible.

    Really, you have to relearn sex - not the physical part, but how your brain sees it. But above all, try not to worry about it. Personally, my erections are back to being as good as ever, but I sometimes hit the finish line quicker than I'd like. But then, my wife gets a happy ending, too, so it doesn't really matter. She prefers it quick, I guess! Funny thing is, of all the complaints from sexual partners, the worst was over delayed ejaculation (years ago). My girlfriend of the time felt that my inability to O at least half the time meant she was unattractive, so she focused that anger on me!
  6. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Thank you, i understand.

    But one orgasm every two weeks is far far far from what i am having right now.

    You should think 10+ O's in a weekend if not more..

    would this be bad for my healing progress?

    I can get erections just fine, sometimes a bit sluggish after several O's. could have to do with smoking cigarettes too i think.

    dont know when to say " i am healed"
  7. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Anewlife - if my partner finds out that yours is getting it 10 times in a weekend, I'm in big trouble!

    Good for you. It's a new relationship, so yeah, make the most of it.

    Only you can tell if it's dangerous. Either you think about porn or you don't. You either want to relapse to a computer screen, or you want to spend more time with your new girl. Ultimately, that's the only question that matters.
  8. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Nicely said wabi sabi.

    Think i am overthinking things again.

    illl just keep enjoying my time with her and see where it gets me.

    Stopped smoking recently so i hope my stamina and erections will get better...

    computer screen is not an option for me anymore, a real girl is not even close to that.

    never never again.
  9. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Does anybody have some tips / tricks for me to finally stop all addictions like smoking / caffeine and oogling?

    Still on the same wagon having regular O's with my new girlfriend.

    still smoking the cigarettes

    Stil using caffeine daily

    Want to quit this for good but the withdrawl is really holding me back, i cant quit during the week because i have a job i have to be foccused during the day and in the weekends i dont want to be lethargic/grumpy/depressed when im with my girl.

    any help is greatly appricieated from you all

    thank you

  10. kira

    kira Member

    Ask yourself why you smoke? there is a reason behind it. I too am struggling quitting caffeine, I realized that it is generally when I am feeling sad, depressed, angry, self hatred, guilt and other negative feelings. These are the same emotions I feel when I relapse. Next time when you smoke observe how you are feeling and what you were thinking, it can give you many answers you probably didn't even know exist.
  11. Borges08

    Borges08 Member

    If it's not damaging you or fucking up your head you should be fine. I can't even MO once every two weeks cause of recovery. If I orgasm right now my body literally enters withdrawal for weeks the 2nd or 3rd day after orgasm. It's like a never ending flu / paralyzed state it's fucking shit.
  12. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    I smoke mainly because i avoid the withdrawl phase. Deep inside i know that i dont want to do it.

    Its a trap i lured in once again.

    When i am out i will never light another cigarette again...

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