Healing from toxic shame and asking for and receiving help

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by healingandprospering, Jul 19, 2020.

  1. I am in my mid-40s and have had a problem with porn for a long time. I have never enjoyed masturbation because of the shame that I have gotten into it. My life is another planet than when it was 2.5 years ago and have had a lot of addictions, but nothing has caused my more shame than this one. I don't know if it is that it reminds me of the lack of sex. I think a part of this is the vagueness over what I actually want. I do believe journaling about this will help. I typically relapse to a certain kind of porn. Anyhow, I had gone 4 days with trying to have a list of activities to go to sleep with. However today, after a good day, I went twice. I have noticed that sometimes if I have a craving, I feel like it is some kind of loyalty to the porn. The other thing is a simple trigger would be just being in my room and having not thing to do on a Saturday or after a good week. I am actually not as depressed about these incidents now as prior to recovery, but this is the only habit that has made me want to to do some very dark things to myself. My future posts will get more clear and best of luck to everyone.
     
    positivef, Boxer17 and Gil79 like this.
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

  3. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Yes. Welcome and all the best success
     
  4. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Good to read the start of your journalling. I've not heard of feeling loyalty to porn before, maybe because addicts don't see it as a friend. Do you feel shame over just porn use or masturbation in general? Looking forward to hearing about your future plans. Good luck!
     

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