I am in my mid-40s and have had a problem with porn for a long time. I have never enjoyed masturbation because of the shame that I have gotten into it. My life is another planet than when it was 2.5 years ago and have had a lot of addictions, but nothing has caused my more shame than this one. I don't know if it is that it reminds me of the lack of sex. I think a part of this is the vagueness over what I actually want. I do believe journaling about this will help. I typically relapse to a certain kind of porn. Anyhow, I had gone 4 days with trying to have a list of activities to go to sleep with. However today, after a good day, I went twice. I have noticed that sometimes if I have a craving, I feel like it is some kind of loyalty to the porn. The other thing is a simple trigger would be just being in my room and having not thing to do on a Saturday or after a good week. I am actually not as depressed about these incidents now as prior to recovery, but this is the only habit that has made me want to to do some very dark things to myself. My future posts will get more clear and best of luck to everyone.