He has a porn addiction and I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Women' started by mysteryvan, Dec 20, 2015.

  1. mysteryvan

    mysteryvan New Member

    I'm a 20-something female and I've been living with my partner for the last 3 months. I dont mind if he views porn sometimes but I'm afraid that his porn use has escalated to an addiction and I don't know what to do. I feel very lost and alone and some advice would be appreciated. These are the signs that have led me to believe he has an addiction:

    -He looks at porn every night, without fail

    -He refuses to have sex at night because he is "too tired" but he always looks at porn

    -When we do have sex, he's often unable to maintain an erection

    -He jokingly compares me to other women and points out my physical flaws

    -He has no interest in being around family or friends anymore; he always prefers to stay in

    -He puts himself first during sex and, even after multiple conversations about it, he still makes little to no effort in bed and it's left me sexually frustrated

    I love him and I know he loves me but these behaviors are having a very negative effect on our relationship. He hates confrontation and I'm honestly afraid to approach the subject with him. I just don't know how to and I don't know if it's even worth trying. We want to be together long-term but I can't compete with a porn addiction. Any advice on how to approach the subject or whether its worth approaching?
     
  2. karyehs

    karyehs Member

    Hey,

    I am neither a female or an expert with long-term-relationships, so only take my statement as one opinion.

    Normally I am on the males side, but somehow he seems to be the cliche addict (based on your little informations). But porn addiction is something weird. The concept alone didn't exist in my mind for years. And even after it did exist, it took month to even become anything more than some weird conspiracy/religious stuff.

    So changing him from one moment to another is unlikely.

    And comfronting him will probably make him retreat and defend himself.

    But since you are not happy; your best bet is not to fall into the co-addiction (/supporter) "trap". Make clear that you chase your own happiness.

    It could be easier to get him to reduce/stop porn than to get him to admit an addiction; but with positive stuff...

    But if he is totally deaf for change/your sexual needs; I'd look for a way out before being "guilt tripped".
     
  3. ant1ninthysix

    ant1ninthysix No fate but what we make

    << I am neither a female or an expert with long-term-relationships, so only take my statement as one opinion. >>

    Same here, and I'm going to say almost the same thing.

    My solution is:

    just say to him << Hey I cant take any more the fact that you are so stupid to prefer FAKE sex videos/pictures
    than me, you are getting tricked by some industries; wake up or fck off, bye >>

    This may sound as a too extreme solution, but belive me, its the most working one,
    cuz you only realise the value of what you have got when you lose it, if you know what I mean...
     
  4. M.R.

    M.R. New Member

    I think it's simple: refer him to YBOP. He seems to satisfy the checklist of symptoms of porn addiction.

    Refusing to have sex, but opts for porn instead = he is sensitized to porn and desensitized to anything but porn. Porn has hijacked his sex drive.
    Unable to maintain an erection = Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction
    Comparing you to other women = not a symptom per se, but it highlights the fact that he's spending too much time watching porn.
    Loss of interest in being social = classical symptom that many guys on this forum experience.

    If that doesn't convince you that he's an addict, nothing will. But let's say we already knew this, and you want advice on confronting him.

    Lead him to YBOP and explain to him that his E.D. and (inevitable) loss of libido are directly caused by excessive porn use. If he does start reading and chooses not to go on with it, then he either doesn't believe it (because he is in denial), or because he doesn't care. If the latter, then you have bigger issues than him being a porn addict.
     
  5. RusselZausel

    RusselZausel New Member

    Talk to him, if he is willing to work relentlessly on it and see it to the end you can consider giving him a chance, support and encourage him when hes rebooting etc.
    Otherwise tell him whats up and leave imo.
     
  6. Evolution

    Evolution Member

    OP I think you should talk to him about it regardless of whether he likes confrontation or not. If you don't, resentment will build and will sour the relationship.

    Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that porn caused ED and refer him to YBOP.
     

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