Hard Mode 90-day clean-up Journal

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Clarkmr, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Difficult one today. Had a very long dream about my ex (who cheated) and woke up physically aching for him. So that’s fun.

    Also had a bunch of kinky sex dreams peppered in for good measure.

    Needless to say I’m feeling it this morning.

    Oh well. Get another cup of coffee. Pray. One foot in front of the other.
     
  2. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    @Clarkmr

    Just checking in. Yet, one day at a time.
     
  3. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    I’m doing alright! I’ve lost track of the day count at this point but I know I’m close. Thank heaven haha.
     
  4. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    I guess I should count the days. I'm in the 70s somewhere. Triggered by a hot fashion dude on my facebook wall today. Some slight anxiety and brain fog as a result, but otherwise doing just fine. Also , a weird rash on my entire back and vague semi-sickness. Could it be related? maybe? probably not though. It is November, and I do wok with kids..
     
  5. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    you guys. I cannot even believe the number of underwear ads I get on my facebook. I feel like my computer hears me talk about nofap and systematically tries to derail me.
     
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  6. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Looks like another 18 days, give or take, you will be at 90. I think you already have achieved your goal. You own yourself. Nothing else owns you.
     
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  7. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Yep, but because I'm annoying, I'm gonna make it all the way to 90. And then I may do another 90. Because I love competing with myself. but damn I've hit a rough patch. I keep getting triggered by. this that and everything under the sun.
     
  8. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    During my reboot my dopamine addicted brain tried to talk me into fucking a blender, while it was running. It was a very close call. Yep, but seriously, for anyone reading this, during the reboot, which for most of us here is recovery from porn addiction, your brain will miss that dopamine hit so much it will start to trigger on stuff we have not triggered on for years, sometimes things that society does not even deem pornographic. We have to avoid that as much as possible because the cure for dopamine addiction is not giving ourselves a dopamine high. Once we get back to balanced, then figure it out, but during the reboot, avoid triggering visuals and audios as much as possible.

    Another 90...OK.
     
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  9. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    true I think it’s important to remember your quote of the rebooter owns the reboot not the other way around
     
  10. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Man! In a rough patch right now. I think God is testing me. Like, h0ly smokes. Triggerable doesn't even begin to describe it. I got triggered by a picture of Spiderman. LOL. I have a deep sense that I need to move through this patch and then Ill be fine. For life.
     
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  11. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    You got it bro! Keep going!
     
  12. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    oh no I'm good. There isn't a force on Earth that could drag me back into the porn-addict-hell-hole that I crawled out of. I'll be just fine.


    Never, ever, ever, give up. It's Cliche, but it's the one truth that got me out of that place.
     
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  13. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Lord help me cause I need a blessing haha. In Boston for the week. Italians everywhere
     
  14. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    :eek:o_O

    It is so hard to look away! Just weeks ago I was a master at respecting others’ bodies and being a good normal gentleman. And damn it’s hard now , it’s like my eyes have their own brains. And those damn sweat pants and there’s like 5,000,0000 colleges around here. I’m dying right now.
     
  15. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    I try not to TMI y’all but my desires aren’t likely to trigger you, so, haha
     
  16. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Can’t believe your in Boston that’s where I work lol
     
  17. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Ya? Yep I’m staying down off Davis square at the end of the red line.
     
  18. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    Nice I work downtown on tremont street. Just visiting friends or family?
     
  19. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Nah my buddy has a conference out here and asked if I would tag along.
    Love the city so far. Doing the freedom walk tomorrow. It’s cold af though.
     
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  20. CJJackson

    CJJackson Member

    True it’s getting to be that time of year haha enjoy the city
     
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