Hard Mode 90-day clean-up Journal

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Clarkmr, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    14 days. Before I began my reboot I thought that would have been impossible. Remember to minimize sexual thoughts as much as possible during the reboot. It's not forever, just in this temporary time. To totally oversimplify why...this exercise is about resetting your dopamine receptors to more or less "normal", whatever that is for you. Everyone's normal is different. You are inspiring a lot of people who are following this thread. Two weeks. Impressive.
     
  2. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Day 15

    Doing alright, but I’m horny as hell. Would probably fuck a houseplant at this point. Had some pretty graphic porn dreams last night that felt so vivid, I woke up in a panic thinking I had relapsed after 15 months of no porn. Damn that was scary.

    Also dreamt about my ex all night.

    I wonder if my brain is stressed out... haha
     
  3. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    This is the part of the path you are walking where your dopamine deprived brain begins to seriously punish you for not feeding the habit. I am sorry to say there is no easy way out. The good news is that if you are feeling this you really are avoiding artificial sexual stimulation,which translates to you are avoiding giving yourself a dopamine high. You can expect this to last for at least a few weeks. After a while it gets better. You are 25% to 90. 90 is not a magic number, but if you get to 90 you will know you can do it for as long as you want. Don't beat yourself up on the dreams, they just happen, but, remember, avoid the fantasies when you are awake, that is just a dopamine rush, and that is to be avoided.
     
  4. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Day 16

    Great day. Triggered by a shirtless jogger. Otherwise fine. Praying for peaceful dreams tonight.
     
  5. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Day 17. No peaceful dreams for Clark. Dreaming about ex, this other guy I'm seeing, and of course, porn. but I'm in good spirits, and woke up early to teach piano with this international student of mine --- from China --- who is HILARIOUS and adorable. So that put me in a good mood. My eye hurts and my stomach is a mess. I find that I'm extremely reliant on caffiene these days. Gotta nip that.
     
  6. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    When we reboot, it's not like we wake up in the morning, say "not today", and move on. We have to say "not today" about 500 times a day, in the beginning. You can cut out the coffee, if you wish, but my advice is fix one thing at a time, meaning get through the reboot first. You are inspiring everyone here. Keep going to 90. Easier is out there ahead of you, and just a bit beyond that, easy.
     
  7. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Haha funny reboot story. So I was playing Morrowind --- AKA the greatest game ever made --- and I had to quest to this spot that shares a name with one of the old porn stars I used to "like".

    So, massively triggered from Morrowind. But now I'm fine, I just took a breath and prayed for a second, and I feel better!

    re: the coffee.... yeah, maybe I'll wait to give that up. Who knows. I'm drinking way too much, haha.
     
  8. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    I think today is your 19th. Taking a breath and praying is a distraction technique. Most successful rebooters develop a distraction technique, even if they do not call it that. It is helpful to plan on something now to disrupt the sexual thoughts that we all inevitably have during the reboot, to keep a two second sexual thought from becoming a twenty minute dopamine soaked sex opera in our heads. Keep going. You are doing this.
     
  9. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    day 19

    SUPER duper stressed, and therefore, a lusty little monkey. Sex would be AWESOME right about now, to bring some of this stress down --- sex always has a relaxing effect on me. But Instead I'm just gonna pray and do a bunch of breathing and have an ice cream cone lol.


    Started with a new personal trainer this morning, so that was fun and a good outlet for stress. I'm at that point where I can just like FEEL the tension in my body needing to be released, and I'm 100% committed to this and have no plans to quit, but I'm hoping I can find a diferent way to release some stress.
     
  10. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Day 20

    I slept for 10 hours, and now I feel really good. Still extremely lusty. The gym is a scary place right now for me, haha. But I'm getting good at just looking the other way. It's a challenge every time, but then I remember why I'm doing it, and it's not so difficult.

    Also, today is Day 1 of a new dietary experiment I'm starting. Carnivorism, is supposed to help with depression, anxiety, and increasing Testosterone. I'm going to try it for 30 days to see if I notice any changes. Also, I'm tapering down my caffiene consumption, and I started with a personal trainer yesterday morning. Ouch.

    overall feeling good and optimistic! :)
     
  11. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Excellent. Day 20, for me, I wanted to kill myself then others, in more or less that order. I did find exercise helped me. I am a runner, somewhat serious, meaning we are talking races, 5K-mini marathons. Amateur of course, but still I push it. I remember more than once thinking the tank was empty and I had to slow down or walk, when I convinced myself that since I had quit porn, I could force myself to do anything. Not for sure that is true by the way, but that thought helped me. I told myself that as a guy who quit porn, they could not break me under torture, because compared to quitting porn, torture was a walk in Central Park. In the day time. Summer. In the better parts of the park. Sober. Not as in drunk at night in the dangerous parts...
     
  12. Johhny Bravo

    Johhny Bravo Every temptation is another chance of life revival

    Try the 6th Tibetan Rite every time you feel out of control like a lusty monkey.
     
  13. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Interesting. You really felt this helped?
     
  14. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Day 21

    Writing this after a 5:30 AM workout. I feel great today. Very self assured and masculine.

    I prayed with total confidence that I wouldn’t have any porn dreams , and bam... no porn dreams. Same thing from the night before. This whole psycho-cybernetics thing is the real deal (also, the Bible said the same thing forever ago — “ask in faith as if you have already received it”

    Feeling great and positive!
     
  15. Johhny Bravo

    Johhny Bravo Every temptation is another chance of life revival

    Yes it helped!

    But here is the secret. Your INTENT to make something work is far stronger than any physical technique. Intent is everything.
     
  16. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    @Johhny Bravo

    Good point, good advice. Of course the 6th Tibetan Rite was not created for dealing with a reboot, but, many rebooters have reported the importance of having distraction techniques in place, now, so that later, when whatever it is we need to be distracted from starts tapping us on the shoulder we have something already thought of to distract ourselves with. Sounds like the 6th Tibetan Rite would work for that.
     
  17. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Day 22

    Feeling wonderful this morning! Last night and the night before, my choice to give up coffee for the short term and my carnivory experiment really caught up with me. Horrible headache, very little energy, and an extremely sore body from lifting. But now I feel super! I had some stress dreams , but no porn dreams. Very happy with my progress so far :)
     

Share This Page