Hard flaccid, 2 year struggle with this and PMO addiction. Any advice from successful rebooters?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Making permanent changes, May 22, 2020.

  1. I’m 25 years old, I’ve watched porn since I was about 12/13. I had no idea the effect it would have on me. I remember one of the first times I forgot to delete my history on the family computer and my dad found it, all he said was ‘it’s normal to look at this stuff, just don’t tell your mother and remember to delete the history!’ so he obviously had no idea of the long term effects either.

    If I think about it I’ve been addicted since early on, in school I was never that interested in girls physically. I was quite happy going home and scrolling through porn, looking for the perfect clip. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19 and even that was when I was drunk and on cocaine. The more porn I watched the more sexual experiences in real life would make me anxious so I’d need to be hammered to pluck up the courage. Every sexual experience I’ve had I’ve been under the influence of something.

    My first experience of PIED was in May 2018, I’d gone out with a girl I was working with. She wasn’t drinking that night so she drove us, on the way home I suggested having sex in the back of her car. We went somewhere quiet and got in the back seat I did some stuff for her, then when she went to get on top I just shrank, then she tried to give me a bj and the same thing happened. I was absolutely gutted. But I knew it was down to too much porn and masturbation straight away.

    I’d been hammering the porn since the Christmas before where I got blown out by this girl I really liked. I knew I’d been watching too much and my erections were getting weaker, but I just thought when presented with a real woman who I cared about and was attracted to, I’d be fine.

    She was supportive when I explained and wanted to help but I pushed her away for fear of it happening again. We’re friends now but that’s all. Since then I’ve tried to reboot multiple times, most recently was my longest attempt, I relapsed at around 60 days. I’d been doing well but hadn’t noticed much improvement erection/libido wise. I got really ill at the beginning of March (pretty sure it was covid) and was in bed for a week straight, this is where I felt sorry for myself and relapsed.

    Now I’ve managed to get into a consistent reboot again, I’m trying not to count days this time but think I’m approaching around 3 weeks. My biggest concern is hard flaccid. I’ve definitely got it, penis feels firm/rubbery to touch my when flaccid, when I can get an erection or half a one, it feels hollow like there’s not much blood getting in.

    The problem is I worry about HF being permanent and if I worry enough I think there’s no point in continuing the reboot and then I relapse. I’ve struggled with this vicious cycle for a while. I almost relapsed today which is partly why I’m here, thankfully my porn blockers have saved me today. Thanks for reading, I have a couple questions below and would be really grateful if anyone can help me.

    What’s the best way to improve/get rid of HF? Have heard about stretching hip flexor/psoas and RK’s does this work?

    If there anyone out there who’s cured their HF, how long did it take you? Did it go away with abstaining from PMO or are other things required?

    Would be great to hear from other members of the community, thanks for hanging in!
  2. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    1. Go to a urologist to make sure, if you really suffer from a hard flaccid syndrome. It's not like I'm not believing you but your self diagnosis might be wrong. Rule out that the condition you are describing is caused by a venous leak or so.

    2. Reboot regardless, it's not like your erection will become worse by rebooting. Quite the contrary. Observe if your condition gets any better. Try not to self-sabotage yourself by talking yourself into believing you are permanently broken and hence justifying a relapse. Therefore going to a doc is really really important!

    All the best!
    DoneAtLast likes this.
  3. Thanks for the response Pete, I appreciate your advice. I’m determined to continue my reboot, I just watched Gary Wilson’s ted talk. Have seen it before but was refreshing my memory, totally forgot it could take 4-5months or longer for a younger guy to see improvement. Are you currently rebooting or would you consider yourself recovered?
  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    I recovered from having PIED after only 4-5 months of abstaining from Porn and masturbation. I'm 32 years old and I had been using Porn regularly since the age of 15. Furthermore, I'm refraining from masturbating indefinitely since I do not see any point in doing it at the moment and I don't want it to become habitual (again) because it is too closely connected to Porn. By the way, in the beginning of my reboot, I also consulted an urologist, to rule out any medical causes for my ED. I also talked to him about erectile dysfunctions caused by porn and he was well aware of the dangers of porn. Many professionals seem unaware of this but there are also quite a few medical professionals who are catching up. So don't be discouraged or ashamed.
  5. That’s great man, glad to hear you’re recovered. Yeah I intend on doing the same as you and stopping masturbation completely aswell, it’ll be difficult but I think if I was to masturbate it would just create stronger cravings to watch porn. I will go and see a uro when I can as you recommend, at the moment I can’t due to the covid situation it’s impossible to get an appointment with anyone. I appreciate your response and am glad I posted here. I nearly relapsed today I think I’m having one of the low mood days a lot of people have mentioned when rebooting. The last 2 weeks I’ve been motivated and working out etc, but today when I woke up I just didn’t want to do anything. But coming on here and seeing that it’s possible to recover has really helped! Thanks :)
    Pete McVries likes this.
  6. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    It took me a good five years to come to this point in recovery. No doubt, it's extremely difficult to get the addiction under control but it can be done. Most of all, it's a learning process, a game of identifying triggers and ruling them out, and a constant process of adjusting and putting habits into place that you benefit from and unlearn habits and behaviours that harm you.
    DoneAtLast and Doper like this.
  7. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    Unfortunately I have A LOT of experience here. Not a doctor, just had a decade and a half to ponder the problems.
    Try Piriformis and glute stretches, they have an IMMEDIATE effect on my "hard flaccid" symptoms. Try those stretches and watch to see your dick take on a different consistency (and stretchability) immediately after doing them. This should tell you everything you need to know about the cause of your symptoms. I was dealing with those symptoms before that term had been coined, and while I didn't coin that silly term, I'd been arguing that they are basically just more symptoms of Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome (CPPS) both on ChronicProstatitis.com (which you may want to join) and on another now defunct board where I argued that case with the guy that I later found out went on to start a paysite/ebook that deals with this issue, and ran with that. Thats many year ago. I wouldn't pay that guy any money, I personally think it can purely be dealt with in the same ways one deals with pelvic pain.
    That being said my symptoms (CPPS) are for the most part UNDER CONTROL, some I've never been able to totally get rid of, and I've been dealing with it for about 16 years. It used to be far, far worse. Though I'm sure I could get to 95% cured if I REALLY focused on it. It's a lot of work, and it never stops (for me anyhow). That said, I would say that the hard flaccid symptoms are 99% cured, and were MUCH easier to deal with than the overall condition. You can beat YOUR symptoms.

    I'd say join chronicprostatitis.com, buy headache in the pelvis book (but don't take it as gospel), start meditation, don't do anything that causes chronic low levels of anxiety or fight or flight activation, that includes weed, alcohol, caffeine (BIG NO-NO), stimulant drugs (you want to see hard flaccid do some stims!!!) try a diet devoid of gluten and dairy to see if that helps. Good sleep. stretches, reverse kegels and many other things I'm sure I'm forgetting, if that stuff doesn't work then internal trigger point massage is on the menu, which if done correctly will probably have a rapid positive effect on symptoms (after a time at the start when they are worse).Though with just HF you probably won't need or want to go that far, when you are in constant pain (CPPS) you'll do whatever it takes.

    A lot of us when watching porn sit on a chair in a weird position (bad) and chronically tense our pelvic muscles for multiple reasons, stop doing that. This right here is a big source of symptoms, as well as the chronic low level anxiety that watching porn causes as it messes with neurotransmitters (and who the hell knows what else). Ceasing porn and masturbation will help, both short term and long term. Get rid of anything in your life that causes high levels of stress or causes chronic negative feelings. When you have erections make sure you aren't chronically doing kegels, instead do reverse kegels, and do them throughout the day.
    Make sure you aren't chronically tensing and holding in your stomach, either because you are an anxious person or you are like Phil Collins from TPB's and you're wondering "what people are starin' at yer gut fer". Just let er hang free. haha......Learn to breathe deeply into your stomach, not your rib cage.
    Basically it's all just caused by a tight pelvic floor, caused by anxiety, chronic holding patterns, lifestyle whatever. Just be happy its just hard flaccid and not full blown CPPS, because that shit is a fucking nightmare. Truly. Good luck.
    Last edited: May 22, 2020
    Pete McVries likes this.
  8. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    All good advice.

    Could be lots of causes, but porn is by far the most likely cause. There are no downsides to rebooting except that it is a lot of work, blood sweat & tears. It is absolutely worth it, though. Even if you don't get a cure for your other problems. There is no situation for you where remaining hooked on porn will provide a better life, even if you're permanently damaged and can never have sexual contact ever again (though that is highly unlikely).

    I'd second the sentiment that you need to quit masturbation, too. That isn't my opinion so much as just an observation from several years lurking around these boards. There have been people here and there who say they've fully rebooted but still masturbate, but far more often I hear about people who quit porn and aren't recovering, even after a year or more, and after some talking it usually turns out they've still been masturbating, or cheating by looking at social media or reviewing things in their heads... the "spank bank" for lack of a better term, which is just the porn theater of your mind.
    Pete McVries likes this.
  9. It’s good you made it through and out the other side of it. I’ve been trying for a couple years and have learnt a lot and am learning a lot more now. I feel positive about this time, I’m meditating and exercising. I’m going to add in some stretching and hopefully in 4-5 months time I’ll have got to where I want
    Pete McVries likes this.
  10. Thanks a lot I’ll give those stretches a go! I did try some for a week or so not long ago and I think I noticed and improvement but I lost my way with them, I’m going to get them back into my routine. Sorry to hear of your troubles but at least your managing them well now. The other plus for me is that I don’t drink or take drugs anymore and haven’t for 6 months, I also don’t have caffeine so hopefully that’ll all stand me in good stead. Thank you for your advice

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