Happiness is a choice.

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by deanone, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. deanone

    deanone Member

    Hell, I'm so incredibly proud of you!! That is an amazing feat my brother. I hope to aspire to that record. I am on restart and I feel stronger than ever. I've lost interest in competing for days of withholding. I just want to attain and ride the happiness train. Nevertheless, quitting for good. I felt great today! I want to feel like this everyday. I know that there will be good days and bad days. But I am sure we can become better and better as time goes on. I have certainly gained A LOT of wisdom with my last successful run at no PMO. This wisdom will make it easier and better this time. I appreciate your comment and hope you are feeling better! How does it feel to be so far a long? I'm sure you noticed big differences, huh?
  2. deanone

    deanone Member

    Day 15 - FINAL REBOOT

    Hello Friends, Patrons, Warriors and Brothers,

    I have always struggled at the two week mark (which was yesterday). Last night was the hardest night of my life, I laid in my bed till 4:30am - I couldn't sleep, tossed and turned and felt a headache in the back of my head. Thoughts were streaming in my mind. I've been leaving my smartphone in the bathroom (10 feet away from me and my bed) which has surprisingly been so helpful. Cause I have to get up, walk over to my phone - that extra step of moving towards my phone has helped tremendously.

    I know once i push through this week, It will get easier. My mind needs to heal from this poison.

    The benefits are bountiful. Once this discipline is achieved I believe I can do anything i set my mind to.

    With discipline, strength and honor.
  3. deanone

    deanone Member

    FINAL REBOOT - Day 16 - Toughness makes men.

    Alas! The day started off great and progressively got more and more tough.. I will have to leave my phone away from me tonight when i try to sleep. I'm having withdrawals, mainly I am exhausted all the time. It will change into energy down the road - I feel I am at the precipice to the new horizon. This reboot will be easier once I make it to the 3-4 week mark. Which will also be the farthest I have ever gone without PMO or MO with the exception of one other time (5 months ago).

    I stumbled on something in the 20-25 year old forums and found it extremely intriguing and helpful - I even took notes and thought about it often today. Please read:

    Stay classy.
  4. deanone

    deanone Member


    Why is this so difficult? I find myself looking at other people's counter where they have gone farther than I have without PMO and I'm near intimidated - It's like they leveled up and they are on some whole new platitude. I'll read their comment and it's not till I see their counter that I'm thinking, "Oh wait, this guy knows whatsup."

    It is such a trivial trial! Why does it feel so good to ejaculate? The sensation - as I recall - is sensitive like the tingle you get when you urinate but the only real difference between the two is that your brain spasms from the dopamine. Then the after effect is, of course, "I feel like shit, why did I fail?"

    "But it's like as soon as I cum, I come to my senses." - Lil Wayne.

    How true is that!? I mean, Lil Wayne hit the head of the nail. I mean, I'm stuck in this sick vicious cycle of PMO or MO = Feel shit. YET, we do it over and over and over and over again...

    Can we just sit back - instead of thinking of the initial thought and think past that? Look over the act and not at the act. Sit back and look at it at a third person; not for either side of act or not to act. Just to think - without any reaction to anything - if we were to sit, think and ponder:

    Don't attack the thoughts and don't give into them; think beyond them. Don't be fearful, be understanding. Understand, the addiction; think about that. You are addicted, you have been addicted for years and years. You have given in so many times with a byproduct that you have found unacceptable over and over again; which has led you here to yourbrainrebalanced.com. You have been on various threads and journals and have finally come across this one; mine. Now, the path that led you here is all because of the act itself. You wouldn't be wasting your time on this journal without you actually having had faced this horrible failure known as 'attempts to quit.'

    If the brain was trained without discipline; how can you teach it discipline? This is the question that I roll over my head all the time. Discipline is a muscle - it has to be trained, built up and strengthened. Body builders wouldn't be who they are today without discipline. Majority of rich people wouldn't be where they are today without discipline. Successful marriages wouldn't be successful if there was no discipline. You cannot be a true man without discipline.

    If you really wanted to quit this, like life or death quitting; disconnect internet service, change your cell phone to a crappy flip phone, don't watch any movies or play any video games. I often think of world travelers and how they trek along far distances with nothing and hardly get any food and water to eat, like Brad Pitt in, "Seven years in Tibet"

    You cannot continue doing the same thing, every day with the same life style, the same diet, the same things that bring no excitement to your life and expect to not fall back into the rut of PMO. There has to be some serious changes made. Change to a completely new atmosphere and a completely new you. The real men who are able to conquer this will do whatever it takes to beat it. If you give up, give in and say things like, "Oh, It's to hard." "I'll just try again to reboot." I should fucking slap you in the face right now and yell, "BE A MAN, BE A MAN AND DO WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A MAN." I'd slap you again and with a lighter tone, "Now, go, mother fukin bitch ass girl."

    You have cause to be, not just disheartened from failure. But you have reason to get MAD. I mean, seriously pissed. Thinking, "What the HELL AM I WASTING ENERGY ON THIS SHIT."

    Don't talk about it, do it. Some of you, are trying to beat this, that are on days 1-10 typically and fail every single time. They come on here talking about how they are going to quit, they are going to try this time and so on. You are already setting yourself up for failure - It has been proven that people who say they are going to accomplish a goal tend to never go through with it and it becomes nothing more than just wasted breath, with the exception of a few.

    If we were drug addicts and the drug was constantly one click away at ALL TIMES, the death rate of overdoses would probably be astronomical. This is the addiction you are fighting; keep that in mind, separating yourself from the internet as much as possible should be your first priority.

    "Do or do not, there is no try." Yoda

    My attempts are plentiful, my successes in the past don't matter. This time matters. This time right now matters. Withdrawal symptoms will alter your thoughts, change your mood and fog your mind. Push through, my brothers.

    The prizes of life we fail to win cause we doubt the power within.

    Discipline, strength and honor.
  5. deanone

    deanone Member

    FINAL REBOOT - Day 17 - Update

    Today is the first day of flat line! I noticed that my buddy is looking a little sick (Blue and shriveled). I'm actually happy about this cause this means that I have overcome the big bump in the road!

    I feel that I have much better control over my urges and think more reasonably. The hardest urge was 3 days ago (two weeks in) where I couldn't sleep and I was up until 4:30am with unbelievably strong urges. Honestly, the worst I've ever felt in a long, long time.

    Looking forward, I'll definitely be much much wiser in the proceeding days than my first reboot which I started six months ago for 90 days. The difference is: No more alcohol, no more smoking MJ (which I did seldom anyways) and I will choose the girls I date wisely. My relapse occurred because I was dating a girl that lead me on an emotional roller coaster which broke me down into anything to get a stress relief - which lead me to my old ways of PMO.

    I'm actually going to go a step further and bypass any situations that will lead to sex. My goal is to become wealthy by succeeding valiantly on becoming rich. I want to either A. Start my own business. B. Write a novel (I've wanted to do this for years). C. Do real-estate with my brother. D. Travel the world. or E. Excel in a profitable sales job.

    Sex with a good girl will be a sign that I have succeeded in life. That's how insanely obsessed I am with success at this point. I'm sick of my consistent failure with life which is due to all my PMO use.

    I'm curious how long this flatline will take especially since I have been inconsistent with my PMO use (1-2 days typically every two weeks) and the fact that I went 90 days PMO free 3 months ago. Does anyone have any input on this? My last flatline lasted between 21-60 days without Oing; which is a long time I have discovered in comparison to some of you guys.
  6. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    It 's a pleasure reading your journal.

    There is no use in over-analyzing. Every day, every moment, you have a choice. Choose life, choose happiness.
    The flatline is in your head. It is because you are fighting against yourself. Why?
    When that urge comes, ride the wave of emotion and sexual energy calmly and with your hands in your pockets. And realize that this is not an erotic desire, it is a frustration that needs to be felt and not ignored or evaded. Feel your emotions, cuz they will set you free.
  7. deanone

    deanone Member


    Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you like my journal. Man, I am so envious of you right now - 180 days! that's great! I remember when I was a few days ahead of you. Six months! :) I will be you in approximately 163 days! lol

    You are right, I shouldn't be overthinking it. I was just curious really - but yah.
  8. deanone

    deanone Member

    I let my guard down and I am brought down to a bitter end.

    Stressful night ended with PMO.

    I have decided to detach from the internet and from this site.

    Like an ex-girlfriend you can't get off your mind, you may hate her, but you talk about her and she's on your mind all the time is basically saying, "I'm not over it." Talking about it and making it an enemy is keeping the subject in your mind.

    Act, think, talk, pretend to be over it; you will be.

    It's simple - stop thinking about it. I'm going to go MIA for a bit; at my first reboot - I joined this site 30 days done. I'll do so again. I have to separate myself from thinking of the enemy.

    Stay classy. I'll be back.
  9. hell

    hell Member

    Dear Deanone!!!

    Hope all is well... Looking forward to hear good news about your recovery!!!! Enjoy MIA.
  10. deanone

    deanone Member

    Thanks hell,

    I actually got back on today for some reason - I wasn't going to comment on my journal but felt like I wanted to read and comment on others.

    Day 15

    I got to Day 15 today. I feel good today. Yesterday I felt drained and I've had no energy. I moved to Utah as of a few days ago. I'm still getting situated with the living situation and work. But I feel really good about the move. I know with the huge change that I know I'll be able to have a fresh start with everything. I refuse to taint my new life with porn. It's full commitment. There is just too much at stake.

    Thanks hell, for checking up on me. The next week will be the hardest for me. I'll probably not come back to YBR for a week or two for mental strength and stability.
  11. hell

    hell Member


    I know is not the same for everybody. And I cant/wont dare to say how easy or hard it can be.

    However I can give you facts that my life is easier/fresh/full-of-light since I quit P.

    Right now I have my urges, I won't deny that, but P is no longer in the picture. Like an addict I avoid all kind of situations that can trigger the ideas...

    Anyways keep it up!!! I know for a fact that you can do it!!!
  12. deanone

    deanone Member


    you're the man! Glad to see your comments on my journal.

    Day 36

    I'm pushing along. I notice my clarity and focus returning.

    I have peeked twice a few weeks back. At this point I refuse to look at P anymore and have occasionally MO'd because the urges were too great if I tried to to do nofap. I think it is too difficult to go from porn fapomatic machines to nofap - it is simply too drastic and causes you to have insane urges.

    I have found it so much easier to battle the PMO urges by MOing. I read somewhere, on another site, that the best way to overcome porn addiction is to train your mind away from it by MOing for a few weeks. Then after your mind is trained away from that, the next step is to withhold from it all together if you want to do nofap.

    I would highly recommend people that have tried over and over again, only to fail, to try this method.

    Firstly, after MOing, I don't feel nearly as drained as I do when I PMO. I want to attempt nofap again, but it is my priority to stop PMO altogether first and foremost. PMO does something different to the mind, it destroys it with huge amounts of dopamine. I certainly feel much better altogether and even feel clarity and much of the recovering aspects. However, don't get me wrong, we shouldn't be MOing 3-5 times a day - I would recommend going less and less between MO sessions as time goes on and remember it is only a method to weed yourself off of the PMO urges that causes constant failure and all the negative effects associated with it. Also, beware of failing back into the PMO trap cause you want to heighten your sexual release during your MO sessions - try to think more clearly about what you are doing and your goals.

    To illustrate:
    1. Never look at porn ever again. Ever.
    2. MO in response to PMO urges.
    3. Push for longer and longer periods between MO sessions.
    4. Attempt nofap after 4-6 weeks.
    5. Feel clear & happy.

    I'm on phase 3 (Haven't MO'd for nearly a week).
    It is just so much easier doing it this way, for me. for now.

    Thanks for the support!
  13. Willpower89

    Willpower89 New Member

    Hey man thanks for posting in my journal. I appreciate it.

    I agree with your point about fapping without porn. Only if it's not 3-5 times a day like you mentioned. Personally I think 1 or 2 a week is a good mark for now. Eventually 1 or 2 times a month and so on. Basically the 5 steps you illustrated in your last post.

    I'm on day 11 of my reboot. If you remember reading on my journal, I lost it and PMO'd 2 days ago; HOWEVER, in these past 2 days no urges have occurred. I think this time around it won't be any easier but I have felt first hand what those urges feel like as opposed to just reading what others have wrote or expressed. I believe I'm more equipped to battle that feeling when it comes around, and Oh I know it will come.

    I will say after I PMO'd I was extremely angry at myself. The research i've done and everything I have learned over the past 2 weeks have made me undeniably aware of the the way your brain acts on porn, causing me to feel like I stole from an old lady. In other words, PMOing just felt plain wrong.

    Also Hell had mentioned cutting out anything that triggers the idea of porn. I stand by his statement. I was watching a TV show the other day and a sex scene had presented itself, I simply turned my head and focused on my phone for the next 30 seconds until it had ended. It most definitely helped and have been doing those little things here and there to focus my mind away.
  14. deanone

    deanone Member


    The beautiful thing about reading other people's journals is to look at what works, or what doesn't work, for others.

    Discover what works for you. I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to the frustration and anger. Cause you know that you're smarter than that. But honestly, when you get a bad urge, it's like you lose yourself and you don't want anything else in the world except for PMO. There is a large hump to get over, but once you pass it, it's so much easier. I've passed it... FINALLY.. after failure and failure. It's great once you pass it, but beware, like many of us here of falling back in. I peeked after 90 days out of curiousity - that one failure brought me all the way back to the restart line - and you know what! it was hard to get back, i kept falling over and over again. I can't let that happen ever again.

    I appreciate that comment Willpower89.

    Day 37

    MO'd today in the shower. I actually didn't even care to honestly, I did it cause I felt like I was dwelling too much on sexual thoughts eariler today - which really wasn't even that much at all. I don't think I'm going to do it again honestly, I don't see the point of it anymore and I'm not having ANY PMO urges; so I think I'm on the straight line to recovery. I knew once i broke through that hard first month it would be infinitely better just like the last two times I quit PMO.

    I feel great, even after the MO session; although it wasn't really even satisfying really. I feel good, I've been working hard, I don't think twice about anything and follow through with things. My thinking is clearer but I know I have a lot of room for improvement in that aspect - nofap is my next hurdle.
  15. hell

    hell Member

    Hi bro!!

    Hope all is well!!

    On my side this week I had 3 sessions of MO. Well after almost a month I really needed. Anyways your phrase...

    ....don't get me wrong, we shouldn't be MOing 3-5 times a day - I would recommend going less and less between MO sessions.....

    Those words are exactly like that!!!

    I honestly from time to time think about those scenes that you know they stick to you head. I just think about them for 2 sec and they immediately i try to think about something else.

    Good progress!!! I honestly can understand why giving those tips you went back!!!! NEVER NEVER watch P again!!
  16. deanone

    deanone Member

    Day 40

    Feeling great - been working hard and trying to accomplish stuff head on. I'm starting to notice a lot of the recovery aspects I remember when I went 90 days; including high confidence, no more anxiety when talking to people, I can easily hold conversations and people approach me. Also, I feel happier and I think more clearly.

    I know these benefits will magnify as I go further and further along. I don't have any strong urges anymore and negative thoughts are easily pushed out of my mind.


    You're right man. It is an easy solution to a complex problem - just no more porn.

    Strength and honor, brothers.
  17. deanone

    deanone Member

    Day 54

    Women come from all directions. I put forth no effort and they come. I cannot explain this. I can't understand it. They come and want to rearrange their lives to suit me and be able to be with me. 60 days ago I had no one interested in me and no one remotely cared about me. Even guys want to be my friend.

    The universe delivers to those who have discipline. Discipline allows you to master all other virtues. Therefore, discipline is the most powerful tool you can have in your arsenal.

    My perception of life has changed so much. How can you explain an emotion? The feeling is sharp, crisp, clear, careful, bright, careless, happy, enthusastic, constant, steadfast, unstoppable, goal-seeker, self-worth, fearless, confident, drive and willing to fail to succeed. Nofap will not solve your issues, you won't be any superman of any sort unless you use the gifts given to you to look within yourself and understand that you are in charge of your own destiny.

    Become an active force in your life and create a life of substance. Get on with your life. It's easy to give up, it's easy to fail. But it's so hard to push on, it's hard to attain greatness. If greatness was easy, everyone would do it. Push yourself everyday, start right now and grind until you succeed. ASK YOURSELF; ARE YOU DOING EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO SUCCEED?

    Discipline is everything.
  18. deanone

    deanone Member

    Day 61 No PMO

    Feel great, I've fapped a few times and am now on Day 6 of nofap. Regardless, I feel great. I'm ready to take on this nofap.

    I have a friend I met in real life that is doing the same. We are both on Day 6.

    This is an art of self control and mental strength.
  19. deanone

    deanone Member

    Day 74 PMO free

    Hell yah dawg. I'm doing it. I have no urges to look at porn. Although I have MOd all throughout this process it hasn't had a negative effect on me. I keep trying to do nofap because I'm aware of all the benefits but it's pretty hard.

    At least I cut out porn. I feel good about things and I have a clear mind. I just know that it could be better.

    Good day fellas and keep your eyes away from the poison!
  20. hell

    hell Member

    @deanone, Ohhhhh boy!!! Where do I start? (I'm still clean!!!)

    Lately I've been feeling kind of depress. Everything is fine but just feeling down in General (i know is your post not mine I will get to the point in just a sec :p). The thing is that I have been M every couple of days.

    And I was saying: If I don't control this I will escalate and we all know where that end, right?

    Anyways, I said I need to make it at least 15 days before M. If I was able to complete 100 days without PMO what the hell is 15 days....

    Anyways, I said let me see where my brothers in arms are right now! Found your post and read the GROW UP DOG. Men that was it!!! I have to thank you and the brother that wrote that sh**, was really moving!!! THANKS!!!!!

    Keep it up bro!! We are all the same, maybe few more days on the calendar but an addict just like you!!!

    I wanna say: I don't feel better having more days without PMO. If any I think I'm closer to fall again than when I was reaching my 90 days. You are in a good spot....

    Once again thanks!!!!!!!! GLuck and Gnight!!!

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