Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by hope2overcome, Sep 24, 2021.
day 1 - 1/1/22 8:30 pm saturday night
Deleted due to triggering content.
I disagree, and so much I had to break my promise and post again, even to cherry picking. If this ain't feminist propaganda, "female empowerment" ("I can do whatever I want with my body with no consequences"), I don't know what it is, man. It stares you right in your face. Last time I checked the infamous "slut walk" was as feminist as can be.
Feminism (at least what it is today...) and Christianity are incompatible, even if you or someone else comes up with their own definitions. This is what denying that truth exists, and that we can't go around claiming "my own truth" leads to (postmodernism, in a word). It is as Christian as Joe Osteen is.
I come from a place where Communism dictatorship, persecution and bullets taught me what Christianity is. The West hasn't seen what I've lived through.
As I was saying, man...all the best to you. Let's rehash this a few decades later, in another "interview" with that "empowered" woman; where her life lead and how she feels about her choices.
cool. I edited that post. Please delete the quoting of it as I believe, now, it is triggering.
day 1 - 1/2/22. sunday. 8:55pm
Sundays have ALWAYS been the worst day of the week for me. I usually almost always relapse on a sunday. Tonight was no different.
Last night I was on VR porn and holy shit maybe I was wrong about it not being so addictive. The content I watched was amazing!!! Way better than anything I seen 2D. And over time the porn is just gonna get more and more enticing. Now these fantasies is what men want and we can almost never get that from regular dating. But I want it. So, 2 avenues. 1.) porn company. Im reaching out to a current male pornstar who offers consultations on starting a company. 2.) Find a girl who is open minded. I kinda found someone but she isn't attractive at all. So, 1.) seems to be the best bet.
On another different note.
My new year plans are to be productive, get a better job and get a girlfriend. I am working on a project now, outside my primary work, for a rly high end restaurant. Then, i have work for a startup, then my own school, then for a dance style that is going viral everywhere. I am going to teach some tricks and techniques for the godfather of that dance style. And, lastly, a friend is making his own crypto coin, so i might help there.
Im excited for all this. I also want to read more books.
My fitness is incredible. I have real muscle everywhere now. But, I want the 6 pack abs which I kinda got. But, I want it more cut up.
I want to eat super healthy, cook my own meals and save a lot of money.
I think i'm kinda off to a really good start. I want to post more on social media and put my face out there more. A few months ago I talked to a reality tv star and I asked him how he got the part, he told me he was regularly putting himself out there more and more everyday with his face and stuff. So, I wanna follow suit.
Im super excited for this year!!! Im hoping its going to be the best year of my life! WOOO!!!
Streak : 2 days
Reset : 1/7/22 friday 10pm
Life will just go right by me if I dont work on my goals. For the past few yrs I know exactly what I need to do but I have not done it. I am just SO FKING COMFORTABLE in my life, SOOOO COMFORTABLE!!! It's why I dont take the initiative to do what I need to do.
I will start now and I will do a lot of work tomorrow as well.
Reset : 1/8/22 friday 9pm
Ughh!! Disgusting. I did it again out of boredom!! I did not even enjoy it. I think its time I just go cold turkey. Choose not to do it. And persevere.
Day 2 - I had some serious cravings and I did watch some porn but then I realized, meh not for me and I left. The same happened yesterday except i went longer yesterday.
My brain is still tender and open to the idea of watching porn. I need to realize that its only going to lead to disappointment and not do it. Instead do something else like go to the gym, then cafe, to study.
Relapse: As soon as I wrote the above I noticed I had a window open and the rest was history.
1/10/22 6:17pm monday night
Just want to point out I was Viral!!! before I pmo'd. The energy just went away and my lack of sleep last night overtook me. I just wanted to be lazy and lie down on my bed. Thus, the PMO took away my energy to go to the gym and do stuff, the energy to socialize, the energy to take risks etc, made me want to not do anything and lie down in bed,
day 1 - 2:30pm 1/14/22 friday
It's back to being an issue. Ofc I want to think im in a higher position than I normally am battling this for 15 yrs now but, its habit, its an addiction. Its become really difficult to wean out of my system. So, I have to go back to the cautious rebooter. But I also have to meet women. Thats the major key.
day 1 - 1:54pm 1/17/22 Monday afternoon
Pheww!! It was doing really good flipping off all the cravings but one got to me and the girl was like my type. The rest was the usual pmo. I think the porn was enhanced to feel really good because I abstained a lot.
A HUGE realization is when I am productive studying up material for my next job and side projects, I gain immense confidence, I feel super confident, happy, at ease and I don't really feel like pmo. Its like this force inside me that makes me feel impervious. I think i just need to keep doing this.....forever!
And, I am super fine with it. Woo!!! On to better days.
Relapse: 1/19/22 11pm wednesday night
Yesterday was a marathon of relapsing. I stumbled upon a new genre and the novelty from the escalation has proven to be dangerous to my time. I was supposed to go to the gym and then study. But because of the pmo'ing, I was stuck...and lifeless in a way. no energy, no desire to do anything And I spent the entire day and night that way. Went to sleep at 3am woke up at 9am. Got good sleep tho.
Today i plan on avoiding all that. truth be told I don't need to watch porn at all. I will abstain with the belief abstaining will help my confidence and cognitive abilities as well as my energy levels. I want to use all of that to ask out a girl in particular from work. I know she is interested in me, like a lot. But, I just have not built up the courage to ask her out. i come from a shame based culture where my sexual identity is seen as predatory and in order to not be seen as a predator and/or not give the hint that I like her to her I abstain from making a move despite me wanting to and her wanting me to. So, I am fighting this cultural schema I have become accustomed to.
What I fear more than rejection is being seen as a predator, as a harasser, as a sexual creep. And, thats got to change. So let me speak on that for myself.
1.). rejection. --> It's perfectly normal to be rejected, even the best guys do. It sucks to be the gender who has to make the first move but i would rather be male than female because then I wouldn't have to deal with monthly cycles, mood changes, birth control side effects, etc etc. its horrendous. So, i would very much rather be a man with the burden of approaching first then be a woman. An amazing video segment I saw of jordan peterson explaining to get over the fear of approaching then talk to 50 women, politely not as a game but not stupid either. I always wondered how some men, nerdy looking creepy men who are used to getting rejected, dont stop approaching. It's because he is used to rejection, he doesn't have a fear of it anymore thus this allows him to approach her. And, as a result, despite him looking creepy he still does really well in the dating scene.
2.). Sexual predator/harasser. -->. I actually have made bold approaching moves on a girl albeit contrived because my friend pushed me to and as a part of a pickup artist mindset and no one saw me as a predator. I think this is an irrational and unreal problem I cause on myself. In fact there is nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to a woman and wanting to meet her. What other ppl think has no value and lets be honest most guys either admire the courage or are jealous. But, in both instances, the bravery is awe inspiring. So by making a bold move I dont really get seen as a predator but the contrary, a brave soul. It is perfectly natural to approach women, talk to them and meet up with them and women also want to be approached, meet a guy and go steady with him or go casual. Women have a sexual identities too. And, with that knowledge approaching a girl isn't "bothering" her. And, she isn't prey. We have to undo the predator/prey model society built up. She's an autonomous being who is responsible for her actions but she's also a woman who is typically shy, guarded and that can seem to many as being standoffish. But, its not.
3.). sexual creep -->. What someone else thinks of me, or what one woman might think of me cannot be attributed to everyone. Thats just them thats not everyone. While one woman might think of me as a creep, many others might think of me as a prince and scorn the aforementioned women. It could be mood swings and what not. Still happy to be a man. I can't let the opinions of some affect me.
Being brave, bold is my identity I need to exercise that part of me more.
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