H2O - journey continued into my 30's.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by hope2overcome, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 1/1/22 8:30 pm saturday night

    Deleted due to triggering content.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2022
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    I disagree, and so much I had to break my promise and post again, even to cherry picking. If this ain't feminist propaganda, "female empowerment" ("I can do whatever I want with my body with no consequences"), I don't know what it is, man. It stares you right in your face. Last time I checked the infamous "slut walk" was as feminist as can be.

    Feminism (at least what it is today...) and Christianity are incompatible, even if you or someone else comes up with their own definitions. This is what denying that truth exists, and that we can't go around claiming "my own truth" leads to (postmodernism, in a word). It is as Christian as Joe Osteen is.

    I come from a place where Communism dictatorship, persecution and bullets taught me what Christianity is. The West hasn't seen what I've lived through.

    As I was saying, man...all the best to you. Let's rehash this a few decades later, in another "interview" with that "empowered" woman; where her life lead and how she feels about her choices.
     
  3. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    cool. I edited that post. Please delete the quoting of it as I believe, now, it is triggering.
     
  4. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 1/2/22. sunday. 8:55pm

    Sundays have ALWAYS been the worst day of the week for me. I usually almost always relapse on a sunday. Tonight was no different.

    Last night I was on VR porn and holy shit maybe I was wrong about it not being so addictive. The content I watched was amazing!!! Way better than anything I seen 2D. And over time the porn is just gonna get more and more enticing. Now these fantasies is what men want and we can almost never get that from regular dating. But I want it. So, 2 avenues. 1.) porn company. Im reaching out to a current male pornstar who offers consultations on starting a company. 2.) Find a girl who is open minded. I kinda found someone but she isn't attractive at all. So, 1.) seems to be the best bet.

    On another different note.
    My new year plans are to be productive, get a better job and get a girlfriend. I am working on a project now, outside my primary work, for a rly high end restaurant. Then, i have work for a startup, then my own school, then for a dance style that is going viral everywhere. I am going to teach some tricks and techniques for the godfather of that dance style. And, lastly, a friend is making his own crypto coin, so i might help there.

    Im excited for all this. I also want to read more books.

    My fitness is incredible. I have real muscle everywhere now. But, I want the 6 pack abs which I kinda got. But, I want it more cut up.
    I want to eat super healthy, cook my own meals and save a lot of money.

    I think i'm kinda off to a really good start. I want to post more on social media and put my face out there more. A few months ago I talked to a reality tv star and I asked him how he got the part, he told me he was regularly putting himself out there more and more everyday with his face and stuff. So, I wanna follow suit.

    Im super excited for this year!!! Im hoping its going to be the best year of my life! WOOO!!!
     
  5. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Streak : 2 days
    Reset : 1/7/22 friday 10pm

    Day 1:
    Life will just go right by me if I dont work on my goals. For the past few yrs I know exactly what I need to do but I have not done it. I am just SO FKING COMFORTABLE in my life, SOOOO COMFORTABLE!!! It's why I dont take the initiative to do what I need to do.

    I will start now and I will do a lot of work tomorrow as well.

    Reset : 1/8/22 friday 9pm
    Ughh!! Disgusting. I did it again out of boredom!! I did not even enjoy it. I think its time I just go cold turkey. Choose not to do it. And persevere.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2022
  6. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 2 - I had some serious cravings and I did watch some porn but then I realized, meh not for me and I left. The same happened yesterday except i went longer yesterday.

    My brain is still tender and open to the idea of watching porn. I need to realize that its only going to lead to disappointment and not do it. Instead do something else like go to the gym, then cafe, to study.

    Relapse: As soon as I wrote the above I noticed I had a window open and the rest was history.
    1/10/22 6:17pm monday night

    Just want to point out I was Viral!!! before I pmo'd. The energy just went away and my lack of sleep last night overtook me. I just wanted to be lazy and lie down on my bed. Thus, the PMO took away my energy to go to the gym and do stuff, the energy to socialize, the energy to take risks etc, made me want to not do anything and lie down in bed,
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2022
  7. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 2:30pm 1/14/22 friday

    It's back to being an issue. Ofc I want to think im in a higher position than I normally am battling this for 15 yrs now but, its habit, its an addiction. Its become really difficult to wean out of my system. So, I have to go back to the cautious rebooter. But I also have to meet women. Thats the major key.
     
  8. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 1:54pm 1/17/22 Monday afternoon

    Pheww!! It was doing really good flipping off all the cravings but one got to me and the girl was like my type. The rest was the usual pmo. I think the porn was enhanced to feel really good because I abstained a lot.

    A HUGE realization is when I am productive studying up material for my next job and side projects, I gain immense confidence, I feel super confident, happy, at ease and I don't really feel like pmo. Its like this force inside me that makes me feel impervious. I think i just need to keep doing this.....forever!

    And, I am super fine with it. Woo!!! On to better days.
     
  9. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Relapse: 1/19/22 11pm wednesday night

    Yesterday was a marathon of relapsing. I stumbled upon a new genre and the novelty from the escalation has proven to be dangerous to my time. I was supposed to go to the gym and then study. But because of the pmo'ing, I was stuck...and lifeless in a way. no energy, no desire to do anything And I spent the entire day and night that way. Went to sleep at 3am woke up at 9am. Got good sleep tho.

    Today i plan on avoiding all that. truth be told I don't need to watch porn at all. I will abstain with the belief abstaining will help my confidence and cognitive abilities as well as my energy levels. I want to use all of that to ask out a girl in particular from work. I know she is interested in me, like a lot. But, I just have not built up the courage to ask her out. i come from a shame based culture where my sexual identity is seen as predatory and in order to not be seen as a predator and/or not give the hint that I like her to her I abstain from making a move despite me wanting to and her wanting me to. So, I am fighting this cultural schema I have become accustomed to.

    What I fear more than rejection is being seen as a predator, as a harasser, as a sexual creep. And, thats got to change. So let me speak on that for myself.

    1.). rejection. --> It's perfectly normal to be rejected, even the best guys do. It sucks to be the gender who has to make the first move but i would rather be male than female because then I wouldn't have to deal with monthly cycles, mood changes, birth control side effects, etc etc. its horrendous. So, i would very much rather be a man with the burden of approaching first then be a woman. An amazing video segment I saw of jordan peterson explaining to get over the fear of approaching then talk to 50 women, politely not as a game but not stupid either. I always wondered how some men, nerdy looking creepy men who are used to getting rejected, dont stop approaching. It's because he is used to rejection, he doesn't have a fear of it anymore thus this allows him to approach her. And, as a result, despite him looking creepy he still does really well in the dating scene.

    2.). Sexual predator/harasser. -->. I actually have made bold approaching moves on a girl albeit contrived because my friend pushed me to and as a part of a pickup artist mindset and no one saw me as a predator. I think this is an irrational and unreal problem I cause on myself. In fact there is nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to a woman and wanting to meet her. What other ppl think has no value and lets be honest most guys either admire the courage or are jealous. But, in both instances, the bravery is awe inspiring. So by making a bold move I dont really get seen as a predator but the contrary, a brave soul. It is perfectly natural to approach women, talk to them and meet up with them and women also want to be approached, meet a guy and go steady with him or go casual. Women have a sexual identities too. And, with that knowledge approaching a girl isn't "bothering" her. And, she isn't prey. We have to undo the predator/prey model society built up. She's an autonomous being who is responsible for her actions but she's also a woman who is typically shy, guarded and that can seem to many as being standoffish. But, its not.

    3.). sexual creep -->. What someone else thinks of me, or what one woman might think of me cannot be attributed to everyone. Thats just them thats not everyone. While one woman might think of me as a creep, many others might think of me as a prince and scorn the aforementioned women. It could be mood swings and what not. Still happy to be a man. I can't let the opinions of some affect me.

    Being brave, bold is my identity I need to exercise that part of me more.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2022
  10. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 3 -
    I feel horny I feel a presence of a libido inside me and it feels incredible!!! Last night I slept with a hardon and my fantasies felt better and I felt more active sexually.

    The biggest blip I've since done was lookup escort ads. I touched myself a little bit and it sucks. I should be directing my attention to real life women instead of escorts or porn. So, I will try do just that. I just have to remind myself nothing good comes from peeking and I have to be more confident and bold in real life.
     
  11. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 4 -

    Just went on an escort review reading binge. Then I researched the escort. Eventually I watched some porn and rubbed myself. I stopped and now watching ufc 270. I am ashamed I did this. My libido feels lost. I woke up feeling so horny and I was loving it. The ability to fuck a girl with a full erection and libido. but now that I gave in to escort ads and a little but of porn my libido went into hiding. I have a feeling it will come back. I will not waste it by watching escort ads/porn.

    I love feeling horny. It's so viral high testosterone. I feel great.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2022
  12. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 4 - still update

    I peeked at escort ads again but for a little bit. Im still very much in this. Yesterday's peeking has made me less horny. What does that mean? The horniness I felt yesterday was either mental addiction based horniness or the imagery I saw is too connected to biological horniness and my brain felt like I relapsed. I need to end this peeking. It takes away at me. I don't just want to reach day 5, I want to reach at least day 500. I want the confidence and courage to ask out girl irl. Gonna go for a drive now. Phew!!!
     
  13. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 5-
    I made it but I poked the bear. I called an escort with massive juggs. $500. Crazy how that price is nothing to me so I am so willing to go. I got verified screened and set everything up. Then I got cold feet. I saw more pics of her and got disgusted. Also, Idc about her breast size anymore. Its not all that. I can do better. I felt undignified to be going to see her. So, I canceled. But...they lashed out on me. And, that lashing out made me want to see her even more. Thank god...all of a sudden my work called me. I am still doing work stuff. It made me forget all about FOMO with her. The only time I'll ever see an escort anymore is if its a pornstar. otherwise nah...meh. Saved $500 and Im happy. But..I did peek as more escort ads, the chaser effect is still kind of present. I awakened the beast. But im also conscious and sopping myself from more peeking on my own freewill. It feels great.

    What causes me to peek is a desire in me to feel horny when I dont feel that way. its my addiction tapping into my internal horniness genes to activate it because it feels good. but, if I dont feel horny thats not a bad thing. I dont always have to feel horny. I think my brain is relaxing and recovering. The horniness will be sporadic. The most important thing is not to peek to porn, escort ads and jerk off.

    I just need to take a break from forcing myself to be horny. Let it come out naturally. And, when it does enjoy the feeling but don't go have sex. Use that natural sexual energy to talk with girls and improve my life. Thats the secret and key.
     
  14. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 1 -10:23 am 1/24/22 monday morning
    2nd: 6pm 1/24/22 monday morning

    At least I made it to day 5. Yesterday I was firing from all cylinders at this girl. Today I dont even find her attractive. Day 5 mirage, where the girl looks way better now that im more sexual now. Something to watch out for. Im certain Ill go another few days. So, ill be on the lookout for this now. Also, after the first pmo, i felt great. This is my second session and I feel wiped out. However, I made tremendous progress last streak as I greatly minimized peeking. This streak I have to do more of it.

    2nd: I was bogged down by the chaser effect. It was in the back of my mind, sex, orgasm and playing in the background no matter what I did. Eventually I felt the only way to satisfy that ith was to pmo to some porn video. i did. And, now im energyless, and back to square 1. My brain still feels the chaser effect. I guess the remedy here is completely abstain and let those feelings disappear on their own.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2022
  15. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - almost day 2.

    Goddamn it!! The urge to peek at escort ads sites is growing. Im at work now but there is a pull in this direction. It's been a usual habit for so long and Im just breaking out of that habit. Wont be easy.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2022
  16. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 2 - yesterday night I peeked at escort ads.
    Right now I am getting a serious flood of cravings evoking in my brain. Its like at any second I can/might pull the trigger.

    My remediation plan?
    Go out to a cafe and work from home there.

    Update: i peeked and stroked. Thats basically the addiction taking hold. Thankfully I lost interest.

    Update: Because I peeked earlier, the cravings got intense. The video surfing began and I lost interest as I have real world experience and I can just tell how fake some of these videos are and I wont enjoy that in real life. But, the addicted reptilian brain kicked in and I started to fantasize scenarios where I would enjoy the video. I started to fantasize hypotheticals where I am having sex with a girl I met previously. That did it for me, the jerking started to feel better due to the fantasies and eventually I went to the point of no return. I relapsed.

    relapse: 2:54pm 1/26/22 wednesday afternoon.
    relapse number 2: 6:14pm 1/26/22 wednesday afternoon

    So, I pmo'd to some femdom stuff, thats been my backup for when regular porn dont do it for me. After abstaining for a bit, i usually dont find fetish sexy. I find it a waste of time and useless. But, after I pmo'd the first time my brain grasped onto that fantasy as a cope. And it seemed to rewire to that fetish fantasy because I craved it. And I peeked and watched videos and I did not find it useless anymore. I found it pleasurable until I pmo'd. Then reality set in.
    I know that when I go back on a streak I will no longer find that pleasurable. So note to self, lesson learned, when I am on a streak and I get cravings, fetish stuff will be on the backburner fighting to make front page to my addiction. If I give in, then my brain will wire to it. So, PLZ DONT GIVE IN, Dont peek, dont fantasize and dont stroke it instead get outside and do something else.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2022
  17. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Day 1 continued-
    I feel so fking bad, im so far behind now. My confidence went from 40-60% down to 10-20%. Just from 2 pmo sessions. This stuff is crazy.

    Likewise, the silver lining is that my confidence increases many times when I go cold turkey. And the cravings/feelings i have now which feel like a mental prison will be abated/gone. I really look forward to that!!!

    update: 3rd relapse. 8:19pm the best solution is to confront the "fears" and cravings that come to surface and simply just leave the area with the laptop turned off, no other way.

    last relapse: 1/27/22 4pm thursday
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2022
  18. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 10pm 1/28/22 friday
    why the hell did i just relapse. cause: laptop on stomach idle pleasure seeking.
     
  19. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 1/30/22 4pm sunday
    after a marathon I am wiped. Whenever im at my parents home, I get bored and I peek. Horrible. Today was a marathon. The only positive? In my warped mindset I emailed a porn agent and they are willing to help me get the new pornstars for "private shoots". Wow, I cant wait if it all goes well.

    Also, Sundays are my worst day.
    Game plan? Start taking more dance classes and get super busy. Start approaching girls as well. Also sign up for classpass and take fun classes and meet more ppl.

    relapsed: all I did was relapse 1/31/22. 8pm prob would be the latest
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2022
  20. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    I am fucking dying right now. I am not necessarily horny. My brain's conditioning is simply pulling me to watch erotic material and jerk off. It feels like my brain is fighting a civil war. Not giving in hurts.

    update: I gave in but got bored. I watched some porn and escort ads but I got bored when it came time to actually fking a girl from an escort site. She's super hot but my brain is not used to real girls. Its used to jerking it.....only. so, I really need to fking stop this. I need to abstain and focus on real life women.

    So yeah, im scared and uncomfortable fucking real women. Yup!
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2022

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