H2O - journey continued into my 30's.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by hope2overcome, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - wednesday night 11pm 5/24/23
    speaking of the devil. I pmo'd. Cause: I brought my laptop to my bed before sleep and naturally watched porn.

    My confidence Is gone!

    I am never bringing my laptop up to my bed anymore ever no matter how horny I am.
     
  2. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - thusday night 7:26pm 5/25/23
     
  3. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 6 -
    Im happy. I went out last night and talked to 4 girls and only been rejected once. Yay!! Progress!!
     
  4. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 11:51pm 5/29/23 monday

    And just like that I get caught. Just Damn!!
     
  5. tig

    tig Active Member

    Well done on 6 days no P and M.
    Well done on talking to 4 girls.
    Keep it up bro. You can do it.
    Get another streak of 6 or more days.
    Go out again and talk to more girls.
    Progress comes from consistency.
     
    hope2overcome likes this.
  6. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 9pm tuesday 5/30
    back to back relapse. Fuck!! This is not good. When I was younger when I went 5 days cold turkey I would have power of the gods. But, now even in day 5/6 I feel sluggish. Damn this thing!!!
     
  7. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 11:30pm thursday 6/1
    relapse. I saw an escort today. I came home and jerked off to porn.
     
  8. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 6/7/23 8pm

    its absurd how much porn i watch. i actually think i have an active sex live because i pmo a lot to girls. And, I frequent escorts. Also, legacy feminism wherein women hate men and dont have any sexual desire for men seems to be how i think. I have to redirect that kind of thinking into what it really is. Women are sexual and love sexual energy and want sex and want attention, flirting, approaching and fun sex.
     
  9. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 1am saturday 6/10
    I really got to stop this now.
     
  10. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    last night i pmo'd. I showed no discipline.
    day 1 6/11. Basically the same time as the night before.
     
  11. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 6/12/23 8:46pm monday
    Ok i need to get serious.
     
  12. tig

    tig Active Member

    H2O, it's good that you keep coming back to this forum, but I think you need to break your pattern and try something different.

    Sometimes when I invest money into something (eg. seeing a psychologist) then I'm more likely to take it seriously.

    This could also be a good circuit-breaker https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/6n87q9/10_day_retreat_to_help_with_porn_addiction/

    Keep fighting bro!
     
    hope2overcome likes this.
  13. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 6:30pm friday 6/16/23
    OMG. I have an issue with relapse. I need help. last night i went into a bar/club alone and faced all the people inside. It was so brave it was freeing for me. I loved it. I felt extremely powerful.
    But, I jacked off and my confidence was gone. I did it again today. Now I feel depressed.
    Also, a girl i was considering approaching at work who was extremely bold with me left the company. She was extremely bold with me for that reason its becasue she was leaving. She was the 2 one to do that in like 3 months. Damn I fucked up so badly there. I feel like shit and it impacts me deeply. Deep down. Something is just not hitting with me. Its just not making sense. IDK what it is but i need to change my mindset and mentality.
     
  14. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 6/17/23 saturday 2:21pm
    I did so well at stopping myself. but then i thought of this other girl at work who likes me whose also a secret ig model and it pmo'd. So, why havent i spoken to her? I am insanely insecure. her life is prob amazing while mine is alright. My lack of relationship experience and success is not due to opportunity but due to my self limiting mindset. god fuck! Help me god!. I need to seriously work on my limiting myself. Im sure this is my root cause. I need to put myself out there more.
     
  15. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 6/23/23 12:29pm friday
    Fuck I shouldn't have done it but I felt like i was trapped. Being unproductive and letting my mind wander, I saw an interview with a pstar then i googled her an i kept googling and going from one video to the next then i started fantasizing about a girl from work and i pmo'd. Im 33. I need to fucking change up my life. All I am missing is a gf/wife. Thats it. Then a house etc. But I gotta get there by being productive with my time and abstaining from porn.
     
  16. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    when i think of hot chicks from a specific region like for example how hot are the chicks in yemen and I think of porn then ofc im going to develop a rejection mind set. Its because pornstars only show whats on tv and i cant ever have that. They associate with likely a white male costar and thus im gonna think unless im white i cant get with her. And most importantly, my sexual stimulation goes up when i think of porn a substance i cant ever have because its screenplay. As a result i will develop a rejection mindset. If I were to direct that sexual pent up emotion towards real life women then i will develop a more acceptance mindset and i will be more comfortable in my own skin.
     
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  17. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 5 - wow, okay! it feels ages ago i pmo'd so much has happened in between.
     
    tig likes this.
  18. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 6 or 7-
    i did watch porn for a little bit but im focused on real life. Abstaining from porn makes me think about a wife and marriage. When i watch porn my mind gets so overwelmed with sexual thoughts prob from the dopamine flooding that I dont even think of a girlfriend or sex with women.
     
    tig likes this.
  19. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 7 -

    I am hORNY!!! As a former religious person and most religious/conservative people will think this is a bad thing. And, Because I thought this I relapsed like crazy. Why? its because I thought horniness was unnatural and being horny meant i was prone to do bad things to god forbid women because we all know women hate sex. This is the predator/prey, caveman/victim mindset that traps me into this cycle of staying lonely then pmoing. Instead the best way is to embrace the horniness and the energy to talk to/meet women in real life because women love flirting, women love when men speak to them and woo them. They even make the coy first move. But, If I were to pmo i would lose on all this energy and motivation. I can feel the love and desire in my heart, it isn't all licentious horny sex craved caveman reptilian appetite when i get horny, its also a loving dreamy feeling. It feels soft and i can feel the nerves in my heart. Its like a pull of my love/heart strings. I like this a lot. if I were to PMO i would lose all this and go from having reptilian motives to being an actual reptile. And, have my heart go fully stone cold and hard.

    Anyways, I am considering an escort. idk if this is a good idea but i am horny as fuck! My mind is always steering me into sex. Its like kinding a flame into a roaring blaze. Maybe, I just need to learn to control it instead of splurging on it which usually means porn.
     
  20. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 9 -

    I had almost no sexual experience, no horniness no nothing. I spent all day doing things. Just got home relaxing, will go out to exercise then to a club with friends. Im staying busy and trying to improve my confidence esp with approaching.

    I did touch myself a little bit to fantasy from looking at escort ads. That dopamine activity was not healthy for my brain.

    2 intresting mentions.
    1.) saw this girl at the train sitting opposite of me with hr friends. She was really attractive. but she was like 17-19 yrs old. we locked eyes for a little bit and then i looked away. She looked down. But something triggered inside her. She wanted me so bad. She told her friend sitting next to her and her friend was like you should go for it. It was my stop next stop so i got up to leave and she was just eye fucking me.
    2.) The usual walking around the streets i get a lot of female attention but today there were some smokeshows i got serious attention from. Im talking licking lips, fixing clothes, smiling, etc.
    3.) get into my apt building and wait on elevator and 2 girls come out of their apt and wait on elevator with me and they see me and sing at the same time, "buns out wiener". its. nicki minaj song. Get in hot french girl in the elevator. we both are neighbors. She thought i was gong to roof so on her way out she checks me out. And on the way out the same girls sing "buns out wiener" at the same time. I guess this is their coping mechanism for when they see an attractive guy they get no attention from. They prob thought i didnt know the lyrics but i listen to that song like everyday. strange but cool.

    Im just happy i can attract alot of women at 33. But, I need to work on my confidence. I need to stop thinking theres somebody watching my every move and will judge me. I need to stop thinking women hate men. I need to stop thinking women don't like flirting and have no sexual identity. I need to stop thinking I can't do anything. I can do anything I want. Im 1000% free. I need to explore this more and often.
     

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