H2O - journey continued into my 30's.

day 3 -
I peeked and I touched. Its time to stop this.

 

day 1 - relapse. 7/25/22 6:24pm monday
I am a mess. I should not have done this. Fuck this!!

 

day 1 -7/28/22 12:30am thursday

AHHH!!!! I just wanted to feel the orgasm, the euphoria!!!

 

day 1 - 5:20pm 7/30/22.
OMG I just relapsed and I am feeling super tired.

 

day 6 -
Had a slip up but still at it. Lets go!!!

 

day 1 - 11pm 8/4/22.
Wow, I just kept at it. Dozing off to porn every 5-10 minutes. Wow this is powerful. I gotta do better at resisting. I was a little offput by escalation. Saw some bizarre shit but ultimately lesbian stuff got me way too excited. yeah im not a freak. Im a very straight guy.

 

day 1 - 8/7/22 6pm sunday
I dont even remember what i pmo'd to. I just loved the feeling. And I got bored and I turned on the porn to feel something. Translation: I got bored and my brain desired dopamine. And, it sought it where it knows best.

 

day 1 - 8/8/22 2pm monday
FElt the cravings, then the dopamine flooded my brain i had tunnel vision but i couldnt leave the dopamine to itself. I obliged and now I regret it.

 

day 1 - 8/9/22 1am tuesday

4 times today. The dopamine got to me once again. I felt it and i resisted succesfully but the second time around I got hit by it and complied. Damn I feel like i have no desire to pursue women. AHHHHH!!!GGG!!!! FK!!!

 

Are you using your laptop to look at porn/escorts, or just your phone?

 

both but mostly laptop.

 

day 1 - 7pm 8/10/22
AHHH!!! Now I feel like shit.
Today women were checking me out all day long. Accentuating their hips when they walk when I look at them back. Or getting scared I caught them looking. One girl saw me walking towards her she quickly looked at the glass facade of the building near her fixed her hair and dress and pointed her beautiful eyes on me and locked in. I couldnt hold eye contact for so long I broke. Yet I didnt talk to any of them and I went home and jacked off.

There is something fundamentally wrong there. I think it has to do with my religious upbringing and thinking women dont like men. No they DO!!!. Ive recently realized when I lok at a girl back and she looks away its not cause she thinks im a creep, its because she got caught and felt shy. Or, when I look at a girl and she notices she may get shy but she feels proud I checked her out. I have to get bolder and bolder enough to talk to them. I think a lot of these women want me to approach them and ask them out,

Today I was walking down the street and rows upon rows of girls checking me out, I put my head down as it gets too much sometimes. I lift my head up and catch this girl looking and I look away and she literally sighed loudly. Like, "gahhh!!!!". Wow, she felt frustration the same one I feel. Yet, we dont talk to each other. Nothing happens because of 1.) religious upbring and 2.) feminist attacks on men. Both created a culture where men have to be chaste and women have to be chaste and both sides have to pretend not to have a sex drive.

The best thing to happen today which gives me hope is a very pretty girl was walking opposite of me, she was on the phone and checked me out from afar. She held her eye contact with me and she was on the phone. There was a big titted girl inf ront of her and my eyes went to that chick. Then as that chick passed I made eye contact with the hot one. Turns out from afar she maintained her eye contact and she smiled at me hard and said "HI, how are you". And I smiled at her back and kept walking.
I think she did that either 1 of 2 reasons. 1.) She wants to meet attractive guys that get her attention. and/or 2.)she is making an attempt to be nicer to more ppl. I highly doubt she does that to most guys. I think she does only to guys she likes. I should do something similar. Smile, wave and say "Hi".

 

day 1 - 1am sunday 8/14/22

 

I think you need to put a blocker on your laptop that stops you being able to visit adult websites, or even just put your laptop away in a cupboard, etc, if you're not genuinely using it for work purposes so that it's "out of sight, out of mind." It's so easy for sexual material to be available with our internet connected devices.

Also, say "hello" to girls, please. There doesn't have to be a connection between saying hello and then building up in your head that it will inevitably lead to disappointing sex; that's all in your head. If you're gym-fit and girls are looking. Start off just returning a smile or a hello; it doesn't need to turn into an opportunity for flirting or picking her up.

 

Yes! I just need to do small things like smile and say hi.

 

day 1 - tuesday 8/16/22 11:45pm
i went on a streak i guess i forgot all about porn i was busy. Lately I just been super super tired.

 

day 1 - tuesday 8/17/22 2pm
one quick curiosity trip lead to a full blown pmo.

 

day 1 - tuesday 8/18/22 11am

 

Ah @hope2overcome sorry to hear it my man. Isn't this always the case. What's helping me at the moment is to try to remember 1) Peeking gives me NOTHING, it's just keeping me on that hook. I am not missing out on anything if I don't peek, but I am sacrificing so much if I do peek. 2) It's NEVER just one peek. Even if it doesn't go to a relapse, it's still keeping me stuck in this awful cycle for longer.

Anyways, all the best for your new streak.

 

day 1 - tuesday 8/25/22 9:30pm

day 1 - tuesday 8/27/22 6:30pm
- This is embarrassing.