H2O - journey continued into my 30's.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by hope2overcome, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Ive been an active member in this forums a while back. Things did not get better since then but it got worse. And, the reason is simple. I am extremely shy, I think low of myself, ive been conditioned by culture and religion to abstain from women.

    A while back I was spending money on seeing women, 1 or 2 women a week and it helped me not even think of porn. I learned that the whole reason I have this addiction is because I don't do anything to get women.
    Dating apps are a dumpster fire especially in NYC where I live. Its a gigantic sausage party full of guys who use photoshop and other tools, and girls who are as vapid as they come.

    My silver linings are at:
    1.). work

    2.). Bars

    3.) Clubs

    This girl thing is driving me nuts. More specifically my lack of confidence. I know that once I get that stroke of confidence I will end this addiction and be successful and happy in life. I just dont know what im doing.

    Im gonna continue here. This forum has been the most consistent.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2021
  2. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 2 - The last time I PMO'd was 5pm 9/27/21. So thankful I got to day 2. Today was a battle and I watched some porn vids and some escort ads. The root cause is my fear of women and talking to women irl. This is why I default to porn and escort ads. I need to start talking to girls everywhere.

    Did not last long.

    Relapse: 9/29. 2:59 am wednesday
    Wow, the power of the cravings are crazy strong.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2021
  3. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    You still coming here, buddy? Don't give up. You started well.
     
    hope2overcome likes this.
  4. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    thanks man.

    Last restart: 10/8/21 10pm friday night

    Day 1 -
    I am starting to wake up early now that I am going back into work. I am waking up early even on weekends which is a huge plus and it gives me time and focus.

    I am still failing over and over again and thats because I am not taking any action with regards to women. And, why am I not? So many things, low self-esteem, public social taboo to approach a woman in the public, shyness, family/cultural upbringing, etc.

    But, the ONLY thing I have going for me is I get a lot of female attention. Heck even when im sitting down in the starbucks now as i'm typing this I notice some reactions. Strong ones. One girl in particular is literally sitting 10 ft away from me fixing her hair and walks up right in front of telegraphing interest. What did I do? I looked away and focused on my laptop.

    What I need to do is be more bold. I have been working on maintaining eye contact. I just feel like If I walked over to her and asked for her number, I will probably be seen as wierd and be rejected. So, not only am I not holding eye contact, I also have this crazy immense fear of rejection and being seen as a wierdo as if if I approached her I would be cancelled by the whole neighborhood.
    How the hell do I get over such a dumb mental stagnation? Well I am going to seek out some therapy. Im gonna apply today.

    I also had a really cool dream which is so worth talking about. For some reason logan paul and I started to vlog together some youtube videos and we were doing some crazy wild and fearless shit. I never even think of logan paul so this dream was completely out of the blue. I woke up with the determination to cleanse my mind of the shackles of social judgement. I am free, I was born free and I will remain free despite what feminists say or what religion says.

    However, when I am in a regular schedule of pmo'ing I put my shackles back on and the anchor of social stigma weighs me down again and I feel like there is a mental shroud around my head inhibiting me from being free.

    Perhaps, learning to unshackle myself is a skill I desperately need to learn.
     
  5. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    getting the girl is to have fun with another human being and that means talking to her and vibing, I sometimes skip that part because i put my sexual desires first and not the actually talking part with another human being. I wanna go out and start talking to girls. I think it will give me the confidence to approach girls at work also.
     
  6. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Once you sort your life in regards to PMO they will show more attraction towards you. And all that "beta vibes" thing will vanish.

    You will enter into a new dimension. Ask me how I know the difference...
     
  7. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    i already get a lot of attention even when im pmo'ing. I just never make a move on a girl.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  8. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Oh, you will eventually. Look, when your only outlet for sex is the real thing...you WILL pursue it, and then BAM! Good-looking guys live in another reality (had my good days :D), your experience will be good to great, and then you'll wonder what the big thing was, after all.
     
    hope2overcome likes this.
  9. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    thanks bro. You give me hope.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  10. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Real talk! That's what makes us pursue the opposite sex: the need for...sex. People have fought wars over this; I guarantee you when there's no other way out (that is, porn), you'll go out there guns blazing :D.

    When you're outta something, you gotta do something:
     
  11. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    day 1 - 1:25 am tuesday 10/12/21

    ughhh, i pmod to the most boring porn. it was a mental pull and nothing else.
     
  12. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Worst sensation, when you can't even say why you did it, right?
     
    hope2overcome likes this.
  13. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    yes and no. The no part is the O aka the fix felt great.

    day 1 - 12am 10/14
    I made it to day 3. Yay. But all fking day I thought of aex, porn, escorts, dommes. I failed to schedule a few sessions. Glad I did. But came home and pmo'd.
    Atleast, I made it to day 3. I need to let go.
     

Share This Page