Grow some BALLS: The Rise of Man Manningston

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Apeman, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. breakingfree

    breakingfree Guest

    Hey Apeman, at least we are trying to go north now, not south. We're trying to change ourselves and fight back.

    30 days was a good run. Come back stronger.
  2. TheNewBorn

    TheNewBorn Guest

    Good to hear that :) You improved so much!

    I don't think relapsing to a picture is a real relapse.. Considering the quality of porn i'm sure you checked out before, images are much less harmful. Still, sometimes we need a fresh start, keeping in mind you already built a long streak, but you don't need me to tell you that :)
  3. FreezerBurn

    FreezerBurn New Member

    I see only improvement and learning on this journal--things in and of themselves to be proud of.

    Stay strong, Apeman!
  4. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    That's a keen and important observation you made. Relapses get much less severe over time. They have the tendency to go from full blown relapses to "flare-ups". It's like as we're burying the addiction, it tries to rise back up while it's sinking in the ground.
  5. jamescraig

    jamescraig Member

    Thanks for the support on my journal man, keep it up with each failure we get closer to success. I think you have the best mindset on here I no longer cling to putting myself down when i fall i re access where it went wrong and make sure not to be in that situation again. Let GO!!!
  6. IronGlider

    IronGlider New Member

    Hey Apeman, thanks for the info on my journal!

    I wanted to post one of my fav tracks on your journal, I think you will really appreciate the lyrics esp. in regards to rebooting!
  7. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Barring extreme cravings, I'll be updating this journal on a weekly basis.

    Week 1: Suddenly, Girls. Girls Everywhere.

    I've been experiencing a dramatic uptick in attention from girls. Examples:

    On day 3, I went to the bar. On entering, I noticed that the room was almost completely empty, but for a handful at the bar itself. At one end was a girl I'm acquainted with, whom I internally refer to as the Prettiest Girl of All Time, or PGOAT. In a moment of wimpiness, I grabbed a seat at the opposite end of the bar. I ordered a beer, and had just taken my first swig when someone slipped into the seat on my left. I turned and found myself looking into the green eyes of the PGOAT. She had moved over to me. She said she didn't want to drink alone, and we got to talking. We ordered more drinks and kept talking. Making that girl laugh was the best feeling in the world.
    Then another girl I know comes into the bar and grabs the seat on my right, and we all start talking and touching (I'm not saying they were giving me handies under the bar or anything, but they were definitely touching me. Kind of a lot.) and just letting the good times roll. One of them said something about me being surrounded by beautiful women. I admit it was nice.

    On day 5, a little girl (like, maybe 12 years old) came up to me and offered to massage my back for 50 cents. The massage ended up being on the house, and her parents complained that I'd gotten a way longer massage than they had. I laughed it off as spontaneous weirdness.

    On day 6, I let the girls from day 3 drag me to a different bar, where they massaged my ego. My nickname became "the Prince." It was almost embarrassing. This is far from the norm for me.

    All of this has served to run my social skills through their paces. Touch, in particular, has become a lot more natural. Until very recently, I could hardly touch a girl in a conversational setting. It just felt too weird for me, like I was a creep. I could never seem to do it naturally. But today I found myself holding a girl's hand as I talked to her. She actually growled- like, sexygrowled- when I took her hand. Again, not the norm for me.

    Socializing has kept me away from porn. But I've also noticed that I can be alone in my house without too much fuss, in part because...

    New Weapon Unlocked!: Slow Breathing

    I discovered this technique in The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D (so... from Professor McGonigal. Fitting, because this shit is magic).

    It's beautifully simple: when you notice that you're experiencing a craving or a tempting thought pattern, you slow your breathing down. Aim for 4-6 breaths per minute (one breath = inhalation + exhalation). If you've got a watch with a second hand, you can aim for ~15 seconds per breath. If you concentrate, you can slow down to under two breaths per minute, especially by slowing your exhalations.

    After a minute or two, you should feel back in control.

    I only started using this technique this week, but I have been blown away by how effective it is. It has quickly become the bayonet of my nofap arsenal, my close quarters combat weapon of choice. As soon as I notice I'm thinking about porn or cybersexy activities, I engage the slow breathing and then I'm good to go.

    I encourage my fellow fapstronauts to give this technique a try. Part of its power is that it is always available. No matter where you are or what you're doing, you always have the ability to control your breath.

    Thank you to everyone reading and commenting. The camaraderie and support here is awesome.

    @IronGlider: That's a soundtrack to a reboot! This time, I'm gonna rise into the light!

    @jamescraig: Agreed! A slip need not be compounded with guilt and self-flagellation. There are only two things to do: learn, and carry on.

    @tsmith1302: It was a very encouraging thing to see. For once, I actually feel like I'm putting some distance between me and the addiction.

    @FreezerBurn: Thank you. My resolve has never been more solid.

    @TheNewBorn: I agree, a picture isn't worth getting worked up over. I might not have counted it as a relapse, even, if it hadn't been for the porn binge two nights prior.

    @breakingfree: Time will tell. Perhaps I'll come back stronger than ever...

    @Cid: Aye, cid. My eyes are fixed on the prize.
  8. TheNewBorn

    TheNewBorn Guest

    What's your secret dude? :) Happy for you! I am acquainted to the breathing technique and reinforce the argument by saying it works!! I use it as meditation technique though, closing my eyes and letting my mind go free for a while..
  9. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    That's just awesome, dude. I guess I have to read your whole journal. ;)
  10. IronGlider

    IronGlider New Member

    Apeman, that's fantastic news! I had a similar sort of experience in my first year (though not as grand in length) must feel great! :-D Also great news about the PGOAT, that must of felt fan-freaking-tastic! You're a true marvel Apeman! :)

    BTW Thanks for the great Coolio song you put in my Journal, love it and just got it off Amazon. I've gotta say just before you said thatI was gonna break my 2 week streak of ordering junk food, and after reading that post, I immediately closed the tab before making the order. Thank you :) This song has embedded that positive association to it.
  11. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Night 8: I Discover the Obvious

    Update the journal once a week, I said. The cravings are dying down, I said.

    Tonight, I faced howling cravings, spurred in no small part by dirty texts from an old flame.

    The pressure built to crazy levels, with no real outlet in sight. My willpower faded fast. I actually had my browser set to incognito mode and had googled for bondage when I summoned enough sense to pull out the bayonet, my slow breathing. I turned away from the computer and slowed my breathing way down. And in those moments of concentration, an idea occurred to me.

    So I closed my computer, and I jacked off. I didn't fantasize. I didn't think about anything. I didn't need to. I already had a rock hard boner that had been torturing me for the better part of half an hour. Half a dozen jerks. Done. Unreal.

    The French call the orgasm la petit mort, "the little death." It refers to the moment of spiritual clarity after the climax of raging lust. We've all experienced that post-cumming clarity. For we Fapstronauts, it usually takes the form of crushing regret.

    But I felt relief. Just like that, I was back to normal. Fiending cybersex addict to rational fapstronaut in a snap, like Hulk to Bruce Banner in 5 seconds flat. I had dodged a bullet. At the very moment I had resigned myself to a porn binge, I was able to drain off mad desire, without porn.

    Why did I never even consider this as an option before? Maybe it's because I came from r/nofap, so I unconsciously eliminated masturbation as an option.

    This may be controversial, but this changes everything.

    Not that I'm going to be jerking off all the time, but it's helpful knowing it's available as a surefire way to kill a craving if things get desperate. So I'm altering my counter. There will be a P counter, and an MO counter. P is the enemy, and my goal is to drive my P counter through the roof. MO is the panic button. The less I hit the panic button, the better, but I don't see it as a relapse. If it will help me leave porn behind forever, I'll use it.

    What do you guys think?
  12. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    I have the same kind of attitude after 150 days of just MOing twice, just releasing every now and then isn't the worst of things, as long as you try to make it as sensual as you can.

    Congrats on the behavior with those girls btw!!
  13. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I find it funny that some people simply can't MO without P. Back in the day I was so jaded with porn that I'd often prefer to MO to my own fantasies. Either way, it's probably a good sign that you're able to do it now. It means your sexual impulse isn't 100% connected with artificial stimulation.

    Stay awesome, man.
  14. IronGlider

    IronGlider New Member

    I see where you're coming from Apeman, I agree, I don't think there is any universal/unified system for everyone when it comes to facing P/M/O addiction (for good or bad) everyone has to discover what system works for them, and after a year of going about rebooting, this might be an important realisation.

    I mean, we're all adults, we're not going to stay like how we are now, we're constantly changing, and who know, we might be married within the next 2 years for all we know.

    I think you've made fantastic progress, being able to take responsibility and pick yourself up. I think a different motivational system might be in place for you.

    How about if your signature doesn't use goal steaks, but two numbers, one for everyday you've resisted and another (starting from zero) for the amount of times you've relapsed. I think this might be a better system for what you want (may be annoying having to update your signature or tile). Every individual requires a different approach to the system.

    I'm currently using metals (as you know :) and not counting any days or victories if I lose a medal. I'm quite competitive, so I like to aim for rewards like this. However, if I ever were to lose, it may severely discourage me, and knowing me, I may not attempt such a thing again, which is it is important for me to 'earn' a medal, and that can't vanish of go away. If I relapse I wouldn't be gutted but I won't count those days towards a medal as I realise I've gotta do this for a duration of time where I can make this into a habit (and so far, it is working).

    So, since you've come to this realisation, don't dismiss it. You are very well informed about all this and have been at it for a lot longer than any of us have. Just work with it and create a means (or system) to keep you in check :)
  15. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Hey Apeman! I'm not online too much anymore these days (I will be more soon after this reboot is done xD), but I just wanted to say thank you for being so supportive and active on my journal - it really meant a lot. You definitely seem like you'll be on the no porn path for good very soon. I remember it took me awhile to get serious with my reboot - I had 3 months of relapses and self doubt before something clicked for me. No doubt that you'll get it man. :)
  16. MrSexlexia

    MrSexlexia New Member

    This is the realisation I think many seem to miss, kudos on the revelation Apeman. Porn is admittedly what lead us to have the problems which forced us to seek out forums like this. Porn combined with masturbation created something which negatively altered our minds and behaviours. The stimulation (artificial stimulation at that) which comes as a result of porn use renders the real thing dull by comparision due to the chemical overload it generates. Speaking from my own experience, I can attest that MO doesn't have any of the after affects (for me) that PMO does so P must be a factor in it somehow. In any case, don't dwell on it too much and keep up the good work. Also going to give that slow breathing technique a shot so thanks for that :)
  17. codz30

    codz30 Tendency toward complexity.

    Keep up the great work!
    These detailed journals are what I'm hoping to achieve and you're definitely on track for a successful reboot.

    I like the deep breathing tip - I'll keep that in mind when the cravings come my way.
    Another added bonus regarding deep breathing; If you breathe deeply when having sex, you'll last a lot longer!
  18. BreakingtheHabit

    BreakingtheHabit New Member

    MOing instead of PMOing is a solid approach I think. Especially dealing with those frantic, escalating, spiraling out of control cravings that have barreled past other strategies and gained intensity.

    I've found that sometimes fapping leads to some porn cravings in the time span following. That's something to be mindful of.

    Beware using "death grip" masturbation - lighten your touch a bit since real sex won't feel like a hand clamped tightly around your dick.

    Doing it without thinking of anything is called "meditative masturbation" I think. I've never tried it but I've heard others (on r/pornfree I think...?) report about it very positively.
  19. TheNewBorn

    TheNewBorn Guest

    I think MO during reboot is a good idea: it slows the whole process down, so everybody should give nofap a try, but since a few people can actually do that, it's much better to give the controlled orgasms reboot a try. The advantage is relapses lose their negative charge, since you don't relapse to porn, and also you will be less horny..

    The way you do it should be as natural as possible, no thinking just sensations, and no death grip.. It should remind of sex, instead of PMO..

    Mind the chaser effect, don't overdue with it, and it's totally fine i think :)
  20. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    I think you nailed it. I was one of the first proponents here of MO during porn reboot, long before UD made the orgasm reboot thread. It just makes sense on every level.

    I don't have much to add really, because you articulated the concept perfectly.

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