Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Apeman, Apr 10, 2013.
Awesome man it looks like you pushing through good luck!!
Well done man!
Just killin' it over there.
Also this quote from you still kills me:
"We needed to fuck long before we needed to do calculus"
That's amazing you're gaining real momentum dude and kudos on making that progress. Cold approaching girls isn't the most comfortable thing in the world especially at the start (or starting again) but after a while it becomes pure fun and you can just get turned on by your own direction and masculine polarity in the conversation as well as her feminine energy and making her laugh and getting physical and all that shit ahhh pick up is so much fun haha
Nice one on the bartending thats a very sociable job having done it myself before so you're going to grow so much socially while you do that, it's probably helping your cold approach to be honest!
Keep up the incred work man
Yo Apeman! Seems you set your goals high and good Good luck in achieving those!!
Great work dude. You're absolutely winning at life. I love the 'artificial stimulation' bit. That eliminates any sort of room for complacency or rationalization, which is how a reboot should be.
All the best!
EPISODE 9 OF THE YBR SHOW IS LIVE! FEATURING GARY WILSON!
PREPARE TO GET SCHOOLED IN NEUROSCIENCE!
That episode was killer man.
Can't believe you got Gary.
A+ x a million
Woooooooo yeahhhhhh! Gary Wilson and the knowledge bombs!
@gameover Weirdly, approaching girls isn't nearly as nerve-racking as it once was. Back in the addiction days, I always felt an acute sense of effort when I "forced" myself to talk to a pretty girl. These days, it's a lot more natural. Effortless, even
@iHaveSeenEvil You are correct, sir! Tending bar is a highly social job, and it's a testament to the efficacy of a reboot that I can do it at all. And I'm doing well.
PS I was so stoked to have Gary on the show. All credit goes to fugu for lining it up!
@jamescraig & Forgotten Thanks for the good luck!
@fugu Few things feel better than someone laughing at my jokes. I like you.
@Mr J Bartending is absolutely helping me grow by leaps and bounds, socially. What was once so intimidating has become pure fun ;D
@TheNewBorn Yo TNB! We rise together, brother!
@davemustaine13 Glad you liked the wording of the goal. I'm a big believer in clarity when it comes to goals! Thanks for the positive vibes, man
Week 1 of 13
Week 1 flew by. I've been working a lot, saving everything for when I move out of Mom & Pop's basment. I'll hit the road on September 20th, beginning life as one vagabonding son of a bitch. The change from comfortable routine to uncertainty and adventure will be good for me. I eagerly look forward to getting underway.
Cue Extinction Therapy
Pavlov trained his dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell. We have trained ourselves to launch into a porn-hunting frenzy at the moment we realize we're home alone, or the moment we stumble across a sufficiently porn-y image. Or whatever. The point is, we have our own "bells"... and our programmed response is to relapse (and maybe fight an arousing inner battle before that).
But Pavlov then taught his dogs to stop salivating at the sound of a bell. He did this by ringing the bell for his trained dogs, and then withholding the usual food. Over and over. This is cue extinction, and it's used by therapists to treat OCD and addictions. It is relevant to porn addiction.
My process for applying cue extinction to porn addiction goes like this:
Once a day, I load one porn page. Once it's loaded, I close the page. Then I stand up, walk away from my computer, and do something else. Usually, I go to the gym. It is vital to draw the line clearly at one page only, because this process naturally wants to spiral out of control.
Just opening that one page sets my brain a-buzzing, but the buzz fades as I move on to my workout. By the time I come back from the gym, I've entirely forgotten the call of the porn.
And I tell ya, I'm loving this. In past streaks, the longer I go without porn, the more I subconsciously build up porn to be something mythically awesome. It's only after I relapse that I remember how lame and unsatisfying the porn actually is. But with cue extinction, I'm reminded daily that porn ain't no thang.
In the past, I've felt like I've been waiting for my addiction to starve to death. With cue extinction, I feel like I'm beating my addiction to death with a hammer.
Interesting how the cue extinction goes long term. When do you stop?
I wish you the best for your reboot. You are certainly able to beat this addiction and change your life.
Interesting strategy - I'd thought of trying something like that in the past but never quite figured out how best to approach it. I like your approach a lot - clear boundaries and all. Rock on!
Behind most successful people lies a process or system that makes them able to consistently and repeatedly succeed with what they are trying to achieve. I've found that you, sir, are really good at devising systems that will allow you to win consistently. The fact that you always come up with new ones and try them out makes me certain that you'll be successful in whatever you decide to do in the future, be it No PMO or world domination 8)
I love how you apply cue extinction therapy, it shows that you have a lot of creativity and a great understanding of your issue and as long as you have faith in it, it will deffo work. It does have some dangers though. I would like to add that you should be careful about doing it when you're in a bad mood, it might lead to relapse. You don't have to do it every day just to prove to yourself that you can, is what I'm saying.
Oh, and welcome back to you too I see we took similar breaks from our journals.
@JediMindTricks Thanks, Jedi! You made my day It's good to have you back! And you're absolutely right about taking great care with the cue extinction therapy. More on that in a bit...
@BreakingtheHabit Like you, I had considered forms of cue extinction for some time. I even tried it for a bit a few months back, but it spiraled out of control. However, that failure only serves to inform this latest run.
@Alexander93 Thanks! You're right!
@gameover I don't have a plan for when I'm going to stop. Rather, I'm going to keep a close eye on the process and tweak it as necessary over the course of my run.
Week 2 of 13
Cue Extinction, Continued
I continue to beat my addiction to death with a hammer, though as I expected the process has threatened to spin out of control. I noticed during this week that I was beginning to eagerly anticipate my daily cue extinction therapy session. I responded by scaling back the cue: instead of loading one porn-filled page, I simply did one porn-y google search. No images, just text, and I didn't click any links. Just one googling, then off to the gym. And just googling a cue still set my brain ablaze.
The next day, I used my phone to do cue extinction. This time, I intended to return to the cue of one porn page. Now, I don't know if it was the fact that I was on an unrestricted phone, or the fact that I returned to an image-based cue, or what, but it nearly killed me. I instantly snapped into a kind of tunnel vision, and I felt myself going through the motions of undoing my belt buckle. It was only hearing myself whimpering "No..." that snapped me out of my zombie state and back into the fapstronautic lifestyle. I survived, but barely.
That was a few days ago. Nietzsche said what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and in the days following my close call, I've felt much stronger. Porn feels less like a "bogeyman" than it used to. I think in the days to come, I'll try following therapy sessions with cold showers to see how that feels. The experiment continues...
Optimism can make us motivated, but a dash of pessimism can help us succeed. Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break your vow increases the chances that you will keep a resolution.
Kelly McGonigal Ph.D., The Willpower Instinct
Every day, I repeat a mantra to myself and meditate on it. The mantra is: I'm going to relapse. How? When?
I'm frankly stunned at how effective this thought exercise is at highlighting all the ways I put my reboot at risk. Last night, for example, doing this simple exercise made me realize I was getting rather drunk at a party with the intent of going home to an empty house after midnight, a recipe for certain relapse. Realizing this, I switched to water. That night's relapse, and the next morning's hangover-and-despair-induced relapse, were averted.
The point is, practicing this bit of pessimism puts me firmly on my guard, and has thus far prevented me from backing myself into familiar corners where relapse seems inevitable.
How to Run Away from Home
The week to come will see me move out of my parents' basement and into a strange land. I admit I have no plan, only a destination: Long Beach, California. The rush and bustle as I prepare for liftoff should keep me well occupied. Until next week, keep flying, Fapstronauts!
I can relate with you on the moving part apeman I'm moving from New York City to Tampa Florida it's like I'm going to a new strange land but I feel like I'll be happier there it's a tough process man. Shit u can do anything if u put your mind to it. It's my first time leaving my parents also
Ah, the absolutely best feeling to wake up to ^.^
No way Apeman, moving to Long Beach? I live half an hour away from there! It's not too strange, in fact its very similar to LA. What made you decide to move? To Long Beach especially?
The Cue Extinction thing sounds very risky, at least for me, but I really liked the Positive Pessimism reasoning, since most of my relapses were driven by the thought of just having fun (edging) but not actually relapsing, having in mind that you are actually going to relapse is a stronger reason to stop. Nice one Apeman !
Sounds like you need cue extinction extinction therapy. ;D
Good job on cutting out the alcohol man. I had a bad experience with it about 5-6 months ago. Drank a little too much rum at an office party and the shitty feeling I had just before I puked (thankfully in the privacy of my empty home) I will never forget. Don't want to experience that feeling ever again. Not arsed if people think I'm too vanilla, but then and there I decided I would only have beer. If at all.
Moving out is huge. In taking such a decision, you've already left porn behind you on an emotional level man. I salute you.
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