Grow some BALLS: The Rise of Man Manningston

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Apeman, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. R3gulator

    R3gulator opening the doors of the Temple

    Apeman!! Return to yourself! Update us on how you're working on getting back into the right mind frame
  2. Sellotape

    Sellotape Member

    Hey man, Its been a month since you posted on here, looks like things weren't going so well before you left. Come back!! I miss your hilarious journal entries. Regain the momentum you had!
  3. JediMindTricks

    JediMindTricks 23 y/o with a mission!

    He seems to have been updating his spreadsheet during his time gone. If it's still updated, I can happily report that he's on a 9-day streak after a couple of relapses.

    Apeman, tell us yourself about the times, or don't tell us and start fresh again, but don't stop journaling entirely because you've been having a rough time. This is why we write in our journals. You don't have to make a huge post either just because you've been gone long.

    Write again when you're ready. We'll be here to shower you with support :)
  4. Original Jeff

    Original Jeff Don't settle for a quick-fix; unravel the layers.

    Jeff likes this.
  5. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    78 days clean, what an impressive way to build a good habit of staying clean. I'm sure you can pick it back up again with some trial and error when you're ready :)

    You're confidence was sky high through that time period apeman. I could tell you loved the direction your life was rapidly going and it was AWESOME for all of us to see. You will be there again man, and above and beyond that, I'm sure of it. Hope all is well with you man.
  6. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Congrats on the 78 days clean dude.
    Making those small steps and positive changes seems to work for many people, you don't want to sit stuck and you don't to overwhelm yourself either.

    Mr J
  7. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Day 0: Back

    First off, thank you everybody for your support. Your kind words are proof-positive of the power of this community. I am deeply grateful.

    I've been on a wilderness sabbatical, experimenting with unorthodox methods of fighting this addiction. The results of my experiments were not what I had hoped for, but to quote a much smarter man:


    So I'm back and ready to kick ass the old-fashioned way: one day at a time. Fortunately, I have on my side a challenging yet manageable goal!

    In 39 days, I will arrive at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. I will be porn-free and fap-free until then so I can walk those festival grounds like the boss I know I can be.

  8. Evonewmexico

    Evonewmexico New Member

    Hey man.

    Glad to hear you back on track. Thank you for your journal, its inspiring and incredibly uplifting. After reading everyone elses comments I guess I'm far from the only you have had an impact on. I'm looking forward to reading your whole journal and supporting for the future.

    TBGF is fucking awesome. You will love it and also a great thing to set your sights on for motivation.

    Stay strong! And thank you!
  9. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    It's good to have you back :)

    Everyone here has missed your insightful wisdom.
  10. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Onwards and upwards brotha. Welcome back.
  11. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Kick ass attitude.

    Failure is feedback!
  12. TheGreatLemon

    TheGreatLemon When life gives you lemons, paint that shit gold.

    Good to have you back Apeman. I missed your feel good witty comments. Your return has prompted me to get my ass back on track. Let's do it.
  13. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    With me being so sporadic in this forum, i didn't notice that you took such a hiatus, good to see that you have a newfound energy and goals to accompany that. I look forward to your progress.
  14. I have not been on here in quite sometime, but your username was one of the first I thought of checking to see your progress. I honestly couldnt believe how heartbroken I was for you upon reading how an awesome dude relinquished his 78 day streak. Personally I resent the word streak because for me it encourages decadence. I only use the word relinquish because as I see it, the power is always with you. Just how you let go, you can choose to climb back on.

    Just to emphasise I was heartbroken because of your personality on here, you're more than just a decent guy. You're spirit on here has been amazing, it's uplifted a mass of people, and I couldn't imagine you wallowing in self-pity for that.

    For all of us, and to all of us, don't ever let porn take away your spirit, it's everything that's worth fighting for.

    My Regards Friend

  15. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    @Evonewmexico You've been to Telluride? I love it there! And thank you! :D

    @iHaveSeenEvil It's good to be back! I had forgotten how powerful a little support can be.

    @Soundfx Always ;) Thanks!

    @Mr J Aww yeah, I like failure as feedback. Otherwise it's just failure ;D

    @TheGreatLemon Hell yes, brother. We'll rise together! LESDODIS!

    @Chammorrow Thanks, Cham. I look forward to making that progress!

    @foreveroptimistic Your response really touched me, FO. Thank you. You gave me some strength there. I'll be sure to use it in the times to come.

    Week 1: Hard Work

    Gotta set the mood...

    I hauled my ass out of bed at 6, a half hour before dawn. The first 10 minutes sucked, sure, but DAMN does watching a sunrise get you in the mood to kick some ass.

    Even so, I found my resolution tested in just a few minutes of breakfast redditing. I pulled a practiced maneuver


    and hightailed it to the gym instead. A punishing workout ensued. Lesson learned: no early redditing.

    On my way back from the gym, the alarm on my watch rang. That has been waking me up for the past year. I had forgotten to turn it off. Felt way good, man.

    Showed up early to work. The nature of my job allows me to waste time surfing the net if I so choose. And usually, I do so choose. But not today. For the first time, I worked my ass off from the moment I clocked in until the moment I clocked out.

    And you know what's crazy? The workday seemed to go by way faster! Cheat code, unlocked.

    On my way out the door, my boss started losing his shit over something (he's kind of a cranky guy), but I could not have cared less. I was secure in the job I did, so I let him rage. I waved goodbye to the place in good spirits and headed home.

    And now I'm here: pleasantly exhausted, and ready to do it again.

    Holy shit, I almost forgot! Today I was also rejected from the last of the grad schools I applied to, and yet I find myself weirdly cool with it. Instead, another opportunity has presented itself: a steady gig playing music over the summer. I never considered being a musician as a serious career path. But suddenly, it's the area that I'm most qualified in.

    It'll take a some hard work. But I'm ready to invest myself in something.
  16. TheNewBorn

    TheNewBorn Guest

    Ape, i'm glad to see you restarted your career path as fapstronaut, putting aside the failure of the past months. Failure is determined by ourselves, you fail when you cannot reach your own goals, you define success as you see more suitable.

    Maybe you just are one of those people who need to unplug once in a while, and that was the reason of your relapses. Perhaps finding an extra occupation, say playing videogames, to rely on when the pressure and stress build up too much. I don't know exactly the way, but once every couple of weeks it is more productive to lose time, if time has to be wasted, in something less harmful than porn, i bet you can figure out something.

    I should say best of luck, but you don't need luck, just realize what you yourself can do.

  17. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Reddit is a death trap. Good job going to the gym instead.
  18. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Yeah, I try to avoid most sites like reddit, tumblr, and even facebook. They definitely don't help you out much in this whole process.
  19. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    @TheNewBorn: You're making a lot of sense, TNB. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to always be doing something productive. Ironically, it backfires into binges of hedonism until I'm too disgusted to continue. I'm working on allowing myself the time to unwind without guilt. Baby steps! Thanks for your support :)

    @bikeguy and gameover: Thanks, guys! You're absolutely right, and my challenge today has been limiting my redditing.

    Lessons Hard-Learnt

    I forgot to turn off my old 9:30 alarm again! It's grown on me, though. I'm keeping it, because now I have a daily reminder of how badly I'm kicking Old-Me's ass. When it rang today, I had already meditated on the sunrise and fought off a craving with a HIIT session and a cold shower.

    The craving only came up because I was slow to take my own advice. Even though I identified early-morning redditing over breakfast as a dangerous game yesterday, I allowed myself to do it again today. You know, because I "learned my lesson" yesterday ::) Tomorrow, I'll have to replace the early-morning redditing with something else. I'm thinking... the gym. I know for a fact that having the sun rise on me while I'm in the middle of a workout is seriously empowering, psychologically and physically.

    Every day, a little better... Evolving!
  20. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Lessons Actually Learnt

    No morning redditing today, and the difference was huge.

    That feel when you meditate, hit the gym, get a HIIT session, take a cold shower, and do a little coding, all before the Old You would even be awake:

    That's more than the Old Me would accomplish in an entire 16-hour DAY.

    And the best part is, I'm too busy to even have cravings!

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