My story is not unique. I started my porn habit when I was about 13. I'm 23. For a decade, I logged daily hours hunting the infinite, expanding Net for the Ideal Scene (the Big Lie at the center of my addiction). My brain was undoubtably warped by all this binge use during my brain's most plastic years, and I can never fix it completely. But I can take steps to reverse some of the damage. I can- I WILL reclaim my brain. The ravages of my addiction are not unique. I became socially anxious and isolated myself, all while envying those who socialized. I masked my insecurities with a fragile veneer of cockiness, and somehow found myself dating a beautiful girl at the end of high school. It was in this first relationship that I discovered I suffered from DE. Looking back, I suppose it's better than PE or ED. But I just could not come unless I was jerking myself off. So trained had I become to expect my hand. I don't think she ever got over not being able to make me cum. She thought I didn't find her sexy, something I assured her was ludicrous. nevertheless, my DE sucked the vitality out of our sex life, and 6 agonizing months later, a good relationship ended. It was not the last relationship to be killed by my porn habit. In college, I withdrew further into the cybersex jungle. When people went out, I stayed in. I got a little better about socializing in my upperclassman years, but my whole college experience boils down to 3 things: beer pong, masturbation, and missed sexual opportunities. And oh boy did I miss every opportunity that came my way. My confidence was nonexistent. I remember making out with a girl who whispered in my ear "you're hot, you just don't know it." I sabatoged every relationship I might have had. After all, porn was easier. All the while, I tried not to think about how little... Agency.... I seemed to have over my own life. In the presence of women, a glass wall seemed to separate me from taking any kind of action. I watched myself live a boring life because I was too afraid to change anything. Why take the risk? Porn was easier. I graduated in the Spring of 2012. A week later, I saw Gary Wilson's TED talk. I've been trying to quit ever since. I have come to believe in the power of disengaging from the super-stimulus of Internet porn. I have noticed that I just feel better the longer it's been since I jacked off. But my porn addiction is deeply etched into my neural circuitry, and has not elected to go quietly. So I'm here. I'm here to log my experiences as I kick this emasculating habit. I am ditching the cybersexual lifestyle. I want to know what I'm like without porn.