Graying pelts, worn and discarded - my continuing year plus life struggle

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by darkwolf, Jun 23, 2014.

  1. darkwolf

    darkwolf New Member

    Hello fellas. I could have/sometimes feel like I should have replied to this much sooner but...reasons. I appreciate your thoughtful replies.

    I have had the greatest reluctance to try the ED drugs...but at my age and with my track record, I may have to rethink it. I won't get a perscrip due to nothing being physically wrong and having to admit the need to my female (!) doctor, although her gender wouldn't even matter in the end. But I also worry about becoming dependent on them. Sigh...well, research if nothing else is my forte.

    Fiddler, thank you. This means a lot coming from you. And I'm happy to say that I agree and am starting to come over strongly to this perspective too. I'll say more below in detail.

    I think HPMOF, that it was you most directly who set me on this newer area of learning which influenced your reply...and even though I have some reservations about what you wrote, I now understand it a bit better, and hope to understand better still. Read on please.

    Canada, I admit here that I was a bit stung by the tone of your reply. It's not your fault though, really, and of course you're also making a lot of sense. I forgot to mention something before about FitnessGirl - she actually did want to get together with me this month. But, we had a conflict - I have a wedding to go to. And no, she couldn't be my date unfortunately.

    About the substance and merits of what you all wrote however- well:

    First just quickly, I'll reiterate that I'm not especially invested in restarting anything regular or sexual with FitnessGirl. I wouldn't object, but she's not my best prospect, plus, mostly as I said I'm just excited about the opportunity to reassemble the pieces of a relationship with a woman on any level, growth is what I'd call this.

    But most important - I finally did something I believe HPMOF said I should months ago. I started reading "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" by Mark Manson.

    Yeah, I know, here goes DW burying his beak in yet another advice/guidance/self-help book, will anything come if it, blah blah...

    ...but this one could prove to be extremely important. I wish I'd read it when it was first published a few years ago. If I had, it's possible I'd be in a different place now. I don't mean to act (although I can't help it I suppose) as if this is the newest, shiniest object with all the answers and accept it unquestionably. But there is a lot of truth in that book, page after page where I recognize myself and my challenges. And it's making a whole lot of sense to me.

    I intend to read it several times quickly, really assimilate what it says, and make small, realistic, short-term action plan after action plan to implement what it says. For those who haven't heard of it, or what it says, I'd sum it up thusly: with women, be real, be as bold as possible and appropriate, and by being vulnerable in the right way, risking and not allowing your ego to fear rejection, you can succeed.

    One of the reasons I know it's substantive and justly acclaimed is because I realize in retrospect that whatever modest successes I've had with women were when I was doing many of the things he suggests as a sporadic "natural."

    The last few years, I've been in retreat (sometimes necessary, sometimes not). That's got to end, and the book I think gives the best, most logical and persuasive reasons on how to put a stop to it.

    He even overlaps to an extent with the no-PMO path in there, advising P be jettisoned and F for only women we know but haven't fucked, or see in real life that we don't know yet. We mostly advise here against F, but I'm willing to experiment with this. Also, it seems I've been accidentally following his once a week MO advice (mostly).

    Wish me strength.
     
  2. Fiddler

    Fiddler Active Member

    I heartfeltly second the advice Mark Manson gives in his book. It's what I've been following and the best way for somebody who wants to find quality women and not just collecting notches/flags. I suspect you won't attract many "bitches" or very young girls with his method, most of them are either attracted by hyperbole or by "confident assholes" and don't have the maturity to understand the difference with a strong, confident but gentle man. It all depends on what and how many girls you want to have in your life. Actually, whatever, their loss :)

    For normal, mature (mentally), women it's golden.

    Wish you a shitload of strength
     
  3. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    I'm really glad you're getting something out of that book, DW. I think that it makes a great companion to No More Mr Nice Guy, where NMMNG paves the way mentally, Models provides practical instructions on how to proceed.

    I think I should go back and read it myself. I never did the incremental approach to meeting girls during the day because I was scared, and my boldness comes in patches, but I feel more confident now.

    Thanks for bringing it up again, and I wish you the strength to lift a metric fucktonne.
     
  4. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Got that Darkwolf. I offer my apologies as I was indeed going overboard. I understand you can feel stung by the caracterisation I made of you as tepid in this relationship with FitnessGirl. That and the rest.... I was misguided and made rash assumptions.

    My last message was, alas, about my own situation and not yours. I'm stuck somewhere else than you.

    Sorry and I'm really glad you took the liberty of answering that. If you want to clear this up some more, please do so.
     
  5. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Dark wolf, I just read your whole summer of posts. What an exciting couple of encounters with madame milf and fitness girl. Keep it up. So to speak hahaha

    I personally would stay away from the single mom. Especially single mom 3 times over if that is even an expression.

    I go salsa dancing and I'm really getting into the groove. One thing I learn is how to lead. It is very interesting in today's metrosexual men are the same as women b******* world.

    Why are you always busy with projects important goals and work? What if you had the same effort , intention, and time commitment to being social
    meeting women
    learning how to dance
    dancing
    going to yoga
    going to classes?
     
  6. darkwolf

    darkwolf New Member

    lfl, yeah, more I hear about Salsa dancing the more I think it could be a thing for me. You know the old joke about single mothers - at least you KNOW they put out! 8)

    I sometimes feel really bad that I don't read and post here more. It's not like I have nothing going on. I guess it's a combination of genuine busy-ness, resistance, and "well, I'll wait until I have enough exciting stuff stored up, etc." Anyway, it's possibly overdue so...

    I have been really busy. And making perhaps incremental progress per the MODELS book's guidance. I have a date for next week with, believe it or not, another slightly older woman who doesn't want kids but might want some "D," I have MovingGirl openly asking me to hang out with her (more on that below) and I have FitnessGirl getting the gift of missing me.

    The mindset I'm beginning to work with per Mr. Mark Manson is really showing and helping. I'm beginning to understand in my interactions with women the value of not being needy and being confident. I should probably say "more" confident and "less" needy because of course I'm fooling myself if I think it's akin to a snake shedding its skin.

    Anyway, MG is really responding to my more open, relaxed, IDGAF attitude. She's also moving away from town at the end of the year, so perhaps at the very least a better friendship is in the cards, and at the most, a fling would be nice.

    I hate my job these days. Want to get away from it but haven't made concrete steps. What I have made concrete steps for however is possibly moving again, a possible upgrade. I'd say the probabilities tilt more toward "stay where I am" at this point, but I'm at least glad I'm getting out there and seeing what's possible.

    My passions are much closer to the surface these days, for good or ill. The shrooms and the book are really helping shift things around inside. What I'm trying to do is not be any more anxious than I truly have to be, because I fight mightily for control at the same time that I want to lose it. Hell, I'm even interested in bands and types of music I've not cared for in years or even decades and am going to spring for some expensive concert tickets (which may or may not end up with a badass woman coming along with me!).

    By the way, my spiritual group continues to provide extremely important nourishment and anchoring in reality. While I was there the other day, I remembered my signature exercise again after a long gap. It still is a big help if we can practice and get good at calling it up whenever needed!

    Glad I can report in with something, and next week's experience will teach me something valuable one way or the other...
     
  7. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Night' buddy.

    You posted on a great variety of life topics in that last post. Glad to see none of those were about the addiction ;)

    .... and glad to see you're on a date next week. Go get it my man and show some of your feral side!! Let me know how it went :)

    Till next post.
     
  8. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    I want to add a thought to your comment on your IDGAF attitude.

    I spoke very openly to a pretty woman lately and she answered in kind. She did tell me how guys who bend over backwards to get girls generally end up on their shortlist of disposable people. I also think that what interests women is not about being a bad-guy (well... maybe dumb girls but not the more conscious and intelligent ones) but a 'I know where I'm going and I'm working towards it' guy. That triggers interest in the fair kind.

    So keep up your spiritual group, creative endeavours, and even the mush (although I must admit the straight-as-an-arrow-and-moralizing side of me would tell you to stop or at least beware) and enjoy the fact that you're healthy, porn-free, independent and sufficiently articulate to please.

    Hope your date went well.
     
  9. lookingforlove

    lookingforlove looking to have meaningful and satisfying sex

    Dark Wolf,
    It seems you responded to me right after my post.... then i didn't come here for about 2 months!
    So......

    How did the date go?

    How is work? Still hating the job? Still too busy to have a socially satisfying life?

    Re. Single moms........I think we men all know...single moms are easier to get in bed...we may not consciously admit it, but it is true. After all , in a way, they have demonstrated a more casual approach to sex already........

    How many days since MO?

    I was wondering do you have a buddy to go out with...a wing man...a "hunting partner"? That makes it so much easier to get outta the house and meeting the ladies.

    I am meeting hot and friendly girls salsa dancing. :))) Although, i do that solo...no buddy of mine wants to sashay around the dance floor!

    Thanks for relaying that Mark Manson stuff....sounds like the " no more mr nice guy" book's advice that helped me so much! Good stuff.
    Honesty and courage is rewarded.
     
  10. Canada2012

    Canada2012 Active Member

    Agreeing with LFL. Drop a line here when you can DW.
     
  11. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Member

    Hi Dark Wolf - I enjoyed reading your posts around the forum, you seemed to have some wise words to say. Hope you're ok. Drop us a line.
     

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