Graduation from this forum. Day 365

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by sanzok, Oct 16, 2012.

  1. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    Hey man,

    Taking up your invitation to ask questions :)

    First of all,congrats on rebooting & abstaining for such a long time,good on you!

    Secondly,You weren't a social outcast,but the changes you've experienced have made you 'better' in general.Well what about the social/confidence thing...this seems to be everyones (including mine) big thing when it comes to a full reboot.Do you find your more confident and social compared to when you were PMO'ing?

    Really interested to hear in detail what you successful guys feel now,i know i can't compare myself to you or anyone else,because everyones different and in different circumstances....25 days in and i already feel way better,i had a severe addiction.So yeah,when you get time,let me know how you feel socially and confidence wise now.

    Cheers dude 8)
  2. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    200 days...what an insane accomplishment. Really well done man.
  3. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    Well done on 200.
  4. sully19

    sully19 Sunshine and coconut milk

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    I've been playing guitar for about seven or eight years but I only really started practicing hard about a year ago.
    Have you been playing awhile?
    The 100+ days of complete abstinence is really impressive, I like how you show that sex is only as important as we make it out to be.
  5. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    Cheers guys!

    I wouldn't say my life changed upside down. There are still times when i feel awkward in social situations, but that's mostly because i'm around certain people, who don't provide a stimulating conversation and you find yourself quickly bored. But yeah, i definitely became more outgoing and pretty social butterfly. I get invited to more parties, people seem to want to hang out with me. It's all about the attitude. You are upbeat and happy about things and people want to come to you, because you give off a positive vibe..Everything starts from the little things..

    Also, i mentioned this somewhere in my journal, but i'm not afraid to be touchy. E.g. before the "reboot" i wasn't as comfortable randomly hugging or doing something crazy with my co-workers/uni friends. Now it's different and people got used to the random me. In addition, giving compliments, being inappropriate or just randomly chatting shit is no biggie. It wasn't a biggie before either, but since i tended to overthink, i'd rather withhold my remarks than voice them..

    Other than that, i just simply don't give that much shit. I care less. I enjoy life more. What could be better! Obviously, i am too busy to go out that much, meet new people or hit on girls, so in terms of that, i may be slacking...but i don't mind. That's not my priority..

    I don't know if that answered your question fully or not, let me know if you've got any further inquiries, i'll elaborate more haha

    Nice. As for myself, i'm in pretty similar shoes. I started playing guitar something like 3.5years ago. First year i was fascinated by the ability of playing guitar, so i pretty much practiced every single day or every other day, whereas later on the fire within me slowly died down and since i had no one to practice with ( admit it, playing for yourself is nice up to a certain point, later on you want to share your achievements) i almost stopped it altogether about a year ago. But then, every few months i'd pick it up and get back in my "form", this is such month too, but hopefully it will extend to a year haha

    "I like how you show that sex is only as important as we make it out to be." It is though,isn't it? There's so much emphasis on sex these days, that we forget the little things..Talking about sex, there's a really nice quote i like regarding it:

    "Sex is the culmination of a series of smaller, subtle, negotiated penetrations – of time, thought, intent and agenda." ;)
  6. Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    Hey Sansok,

    Thank you for writing such a thoughtful journal, at times I've shared your frustration at elements of YBrB, but the 'being-accountable' having my own journal promotes, and the support and encouragement I can find in others makes it indispensable.

    I stuck a link into my last post so hopefully a couple more people might stumble upon your story.

    Congratulations on the last 200 days and here is to 200 more

  7. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 200days!

    Hey man,

    Thanks for reading and appreciating my input, it's intriguing to see your thoughts help other people, but pleasing nevertheless. How's your reboot going so far? When i have some time i'll check out your story too ;)

    By the way, wow, it seems i haven't posted on my own journal for an entire month. Shocking! I'll have to do that soonish :p
  8. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 240days!

    Day 240 / 8 months

    It's certainly been too long since i wrote my last entry, so i figured i'd treat you with something good and worthwhile. Also there may be people wondering as to where I have been gone and how i am doing, so it's mostly for them. Why mostly for them? Well because I don't believe the journal is beneficial to me anymore. Sure, it may have it's perks, but at certain point you realize that the people you can talk to about this in real life exceeds the people in the cyber space and all this becomes kind of meaningless. As chuch palahniuk would say, "meaningless" may not be the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind.

    It's not meaningless, i learned a lot whilst being here. Got the insight here and there from hours and hours of reading about the effects/causes/problems and so on. It's as if i can write a whole book about it and i'm sure i could if i put my mind into it. But that's not the point. Whilst i became more and more knowledgeable about my own problem(s), i neglected my studies. I do agree that these hours were not wasted and my life has improved a lot since i first started, but I think I could have allocated my time even better.

    And talking about allocation of time, YBR is certainly not helping. It's as if it's Facebook-No2. Whenever I come back home i check "new replies" and "unread posts". As i mentioned before, i have little to gain from this website anymore, which is why i decided to cut back time spent on it whatsoever. That could explain my lack of entries on this forum.

    Now on the lighter note, here's what I have been doing since I last wrote:

    Reading. Doing a lot of that now. I finished reading at least 5-6books in the last 40days. Which would be a lot normally, but i enjoy it and strive for more. I read somewhere that one should read not only for pleasure, but for getting something out of it. Like a sponge. I'm well aware sponge sucks in everything,good and bad, much like life. Just like porn, it's everywhere. But we have to try to take as much good out of everything and filter the bad out. It will always be there, but it's how we look at things. Going back to reading, i started a new hobby. Not much of a hobby,so to say, but more like a good addiction haha I go to charity shops and second-hand-shops to buy good books dirt cheap. Why? Because in the library you can just borrow, so it's not yours, plus you're so overwhelmed by the amount of books you don't know what to choose, whereas when supply is limited you pick out the best from the scrap you've found. Also, it's some tangible worthwhile asset (once you buy it), as well as little baby step/step-stone towards becoming the better person you aim to be. The role-model for yourself.

    Cycling. I bought a bike couple of months ago from my co-worker in order to save on money i spend on buses. However i started riding it only 3-4weeks ago, because i didn't have a chain to lock it. Once I have obtained it, buses became a thing of the past. Riding a bike once again left me inside with such a nostalgic feeling. Truth to be told, back when i was a teen, we would often go on family trips with bikes having to do more than 40kilometers per journey. Remembering such journeys, daily journey of 3km to work seemed like nothing at first, until i realized it's not the past me, but present me who is riding a bike, so my muscles have regressed to the state where i get tired of a 200metres of uphill. Then again, it's brought up a mix of feelings. The love-hate relationship of loving how fast you go and hating the hills in front of you and how you have to put extra effort for the massive hills. Then the being scared-overjoyed relationship of you being scared about the cars driving past you. The trucks and buses make you extremely uneasy. But then from inside you feel so overjoyed of not being "the mortal" anymore, not having to go on foot anymore ^_^ My muscles are constantly improving and i'm enjoying cycling more and more as the days go by. I love the "solitude". You know usually i hate path to university, because i constantly run into people i don't want to talk to or have noting in common with. Bicycle solves it. I don't even have time to listen to music, because i have to be constantly aware of my surroundings, but i like it. Being always aware is better than being ignorant to life by shoving music down your throat to escape it.

    Work . I don't know if i told you guys, but they raised my wage at work, which i'm really happy about. One would think, that having a pay-rise would get my motivation to work over the roof, but it hasn't. I generally enjoy working there. One would say i love working there, because despite the apparent flaws, i still like what it has to offer. So the pay-rise is only benefiting materialistic side of my life. Surely it means i can afford more, but everything tangible is fragile and can easily crumble, so it's best not to lay your hopes on it lasting forever.

    Friends. I seem to be re-connecting with friends that i haven't spoken to in ages, which truly pleases me. Also, even friends i wasn't in good terms with (arguments), seem to be coming around. Fate? Who knows, but i welcome the change. But i think, it's mainly because of myself. As the quote goes, you have to first change yourself in order to change anything around you. I think that's the case here too. I changed and so did people's attitudes around me did.

    Girl. I mentioned about a girl,a girl from my work. I'm still working on that slowly. We are slowly getting to know each other. There were a few occasions already where we agreed to meet up 1hour before work or during our day off,during which we spent most of it talking endlessly and enjoying the sunshine. My other friend calls them "non-official-no-pressure-dates". It certainly seems like she makes the effort to go out of her way to meet me, but i'm still hesitant. Will make "the push for the shove" soon though. Don't want to prolong it too long. It's better to either jeopardize it or move to the next step, rather than be in a standstill ^_^

    That's all for now folks. There's lots on my mind, but i've got other plans for today, so i can't spend 2more hours perfecting my 2000word essay on here haha stay strong ;)
  9. Goon

    Goon Guest

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 240days!

    250 days coming up tomorrow! You're a beast :D

    I'm happy to read about all the positive changes in your life. You're doing the right thing in cutting down on time here and focusing on real life.
  10. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 240days!

    Great to see how well everything is going for you. :) Keep it up man!
  11. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 240days!

    day 250-251.

    I've been meaning to write something meaningful for last couple of days, but never got round to it. However as I am about to go to bed, i figured i'll let the magic flow :D So here's what i wanted to talk:

    1. Cycling analog
    2. Insecurities
    3. Girls

    1. Cycling analog

    To start off with I wanted to share some thoughts that arrived in my head whilst cycling home back from work. It was after a 12hour long shift, so as you can imagine, i was knackered. Usually, i would tend to cycle as hard and as fast as i can back home avoiding to extend the condition I am in after the day's work. So to put it simple, just want to get over and done with, go home, have a shower and sleep. The way i used to do it, was do short bursts of energy and then relax for couple of seconds, burst of energy towards pedaling and relax..

    This time it was somewhat different. I was unusually tired, especially my feet, so i figured i'll take it leisurely and slowly cycle home at a constant speed. And what do you know, before i knew it the biggest hills (i've got two massive uphills to conquer on my way home) were done and dusted and I was barely even tired. That got me thinking, why was i THAT tired of trying to get home quicker? I mean i'd put in proper effort into cycling, so why was the same path so much easier if i allowed myself to cruise?

    The answer came to me on the way. The way i analysed and "deciphered" the situation, was that in the cycling path as well as in life or any long term objective you can't hasten your journey. If you do, you only hinder yourself, as well as achieve worse results. Whilst these short bursts of energy cycling home seemed beneficial at a time i'd feel much more drained. Instead when i started to cycle at the same speed regardless of whether it's a hill or just any street, i noticed how the biggest hurdles became nothing. That's when another thought crossed my mind: if we make our "chores" ( in this case cycling to work and back) and make them "pleasurable activities", then the hardships on the way don't seem that scary after all, now do they!

    So that made me think and put all the dots together and i came to the conclusion, that whatever we do, we shouldn't try anything hasty. As long as we put our mind to it, no matter how far our goal is, we are going to achieve it and chances are, the results will probably end up being much more enticing than if you shortened that journey..

    When you think about it, this applies to relationships, sex, objectives in life, quite a lot of things..Seems so obvious,doesn't it.. but i suppose until you see it yourself or someone points it out to you, you don't see the bigger picture :)

    2. Insecurities

    One day I wasn't feeling 100% myself, feeling like I am not good enough, not adequate in this, not sociable enough. Not as witty as i want to be. And there I was deep in my thoughts, at work. However my thoughts were soon interrupted by a new guy, who was doing his second shift. As he went away, I looked at my supervisor and said: "You know, not trying to be rude, but he looks as if he's about to break down and cry any minute!". She looked at me and replied "Hey, don't be rude! He's 18years old, he's just shy!"

    And that kind of hit me for a second. Why the hell am i feeling down? This guy has got it 10x worse than me. I can never imagine him pulling the shit i do. Sure, the comparison is not nice between me and him, but like i said that got me thinking. There is no reason for me ( or us ) to feel bad about something, whilst somewhere out there there's at least dozen of guys who got it worse. The underline is, be happy with how you are, chances are you and I are much more awesome than we can actually realize ;)

    Also, at the end of the day it's about you yourself, not about you in comparison to other, so don't be like hey, i'm better than this and that guy. Just saying. It's food for thoughts and a bit of mood upbringing, but not encouraging rude and unmanly behavior of any kind.

    3. Girls

    I'm still working on that receptionist girl. It seems that lately we are hanging out more and more, doing this together, eating ice cream, joking around. Both of us are actually going to eat ( for a dinner??!!) after work on Thursday. Also she was the one to suggest it in the first place! Sounds like a date? Kinda! It seems like we are unofficially hitting it off, but i'm still kinda vary of things.. I do plan on jeopardizing or doing a victory dance after our dinner on Thursday. Enough is enough, deluding myself into thinking that something in the near future might work out, when potentially it may not is not good. The sooner, the better..And if she doesn't like me, well then i'll move on quicker, but fingers crossed haha


    I had lots and lots on my mind besides that, but it seem that for the time being I have ran out of the things to say.

    Peace out motherfuckeerrrrrs. \m/
  12. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 250days!

    day 287..

    Wow, it's been a month and a bit since i last wrote an entry..Chances are quite a lot of people forgot my face around these areas haha but i don't mind, it was my decision to stop writing such frequent entries and a good one at that...

    As such time lapse has happened of 35+ days, you may wonder how my life has changed since last time..

    Well for starters, i had a few problems with my bike (punctured tire,stolen front and back LED lights and malfunctioning chain) couple of weeks ago and due to my busy work schedule I couldn't find the time to go get it fixed (hopefully tomorrow though)...thus making me take the bus and spend precious currency called pounds. Nevertheless, i made full use of such occurrence and reconnected with the music world, and even books. But not normal books - audio books. I find audio books really soothing when you're on the bus. In addition to that, you may learn a thing or two, or just enjoy the story..So far in this way (just by taking the bus back and forth to work and home), I read 3books!!!

    Here comes the interesting part....wait for You guessed it wrong haha In fact, what occurred is that I conquered one of the fears/facts I had for the last two years that I have been dreading to "touch". Which is, that my eyesight regrettably is getting worse and that i'm in need of an eye test, as well as glasses..On that note, I collected the glasses today and I'm pleasantly surprised by the tranquility that overwhelmed me when I've put them on..

    Not only my vision wasn't blurry anymore, I was worry-free for that matter for the first time in 2-3years. Such a huge load of my shoulder. It may seem like an easy feat to go to optician, get your eyes tested and get glasses if you need some, but for me it was something i hated to admit to myself as if not wanting to admit that i'm weak. But i am, who cares, i look good in glasses too 8) haha

    Last, but not least - I tried rock climbing today!!!! Been meaning to try it for over a year now. This idea has been fixed in my head for ages on and off, but last week i actually booked a taster session for today. As much as i'd like to be skeptical about it - it was awesome. I knew it would be, but climbing is much different than actually looking at others climb. It was sensational, it just confirmed that my instinct on this matter was right. I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. AND I WILL. It was 1hour30mins worth of session and we did like 5climbs each at a wall which is like 10metres high,maybe more. After spending hours and hours of watching whatever tutorials i could get my hands on on youtube, it was definitely easier to get hang of it there,on the spot. Obviously, the coaches were really helpful too,but being prepared before hand helped tremendously. I felt like a monkey! Definitely repeating this!

    And lastly, I masturbated like 3weeks ago, I think it was day 266. I did it not because of the cravings/urges, but just because i could and wanted to. Sounds funny, doesn't it? I even recorded my mood for the next week to follow (for the sake of trying to collect data about myself as to how my body/mind works after orgasm), but there was no increase in urges or chaser.. My body is in my full control. Also, i somehow understood what i did and how orgasm should be treated.. In economic terms, it shouldn't be a "common good" nor it is a necessity, which needs to be performed daily. It resembles a "luxury good" and since it's a luxury in itself should be done seldom...

    That's that! I'm really proud of myself and as to how this month went and will keep pushing myself to reach new heights both mentally and physically ;)

    Laters 8)
  13. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" / 287days!

    300 days!!!! 8) from now on - it's spartaaaaaa time! hehe

    Also, as much as i'd like to rant about how i became a superman after 300days..well i haven't,so don't delude yourself people. There have been many subtle positive changes in my life and there will be many more to come. That is all!
  14. geniussy

    geniussy Guest

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    Congratzzzzzz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So no more urges??
  15. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    To be perfectly honest, everyone has urges and everyone (or at least most of the people) will continue to have urges. What changes is how we approach the urges...because as sexual beings we can't possibly repress everything around us that could potentially arouse us. However, over time we learn to deal with the same situations differently. Thus, i made it so that porn is not part of my life anymore and i no longer have second thoughts or doubts of whether or not i should indulge in watching it. ;)
  16. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    I can't forget some words from my co-worker. He told me..

    "To be successful, one needs to be bold and shameless, have utmost confidence in oneself and not fear embarrassment,for he must carry out what he has set out to achieve".

    He hasn't said that word for word, but this is how i interpreted his words in one sentence :)
  17. Califree209

    Califree209 Reaching for my goal.

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    Hey nice streak man! I was wondering if you ever still feel some withdrawals from time to time? Also, do you still have the crazy energy everyday now?
  18. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    Withdrawals? Can you elaborate as to what you mean specifically by that? If you mean withdrawals from porn, then if i had any, they definitely stopped or became too measly to notice now.

    And i do, every now and then. However, i am inclined to believe that crazy energy is something we cultivate from not only abstaining from porn, but such simple things like waking up earlier, colder showers, positive energy and so on. So no, i don't have it 24/7 :)
  19. Califree209

    Califree209 Reaching for my goal.

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    Thanks for the reply and by withdrawals I was meaning the flatline symptoms. And last question haha did these 300 days fly by?
  20. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Re: Half a year of "sobriety" + / 300days! Spartaaaaa time!

    Well thing is, i don't measure my life by erections, erection quality and/or libido, nor do i like setting things in stone by calling them definite things like "flatline", which i find is still something vague and something people define themselves..Speaking of that, they seem to need some sort of frames,definitions, so they can put situations in,set of rules, something. I don't like that. I feel just fine if you ask me..just normal,don't know how else to answer that haha

    As for whether the 300days fly by.. There were times when the days were going excruciatingly long, but there were also times when it went by the like a flash. The latter occurred more, when i'd stop checking how many days have passed already.. and BOOM..a month goes by in a flash before you know it. Also, thing is i was working full time 7months now with a bit of studying,so no matter how you look at it, i was busy and whether i liked it or not, days and weeks just flew by. Literally, flew by. In our mind, it's a different ball game though, sometimes slow, sometimes fast ;)

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