Gollum's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by gollum, Apr 9, 2012.

  1. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Day 1:

    Hi all,

    It started about a decade ago when I saw the posters from Metal Gear Solid 2. After that, I looked up fhm online and from there nudies. My P viewing increased as my internet connection grew faster and just before my 13th birthday I started to M. Now I'm 21 and I'm still facing the same problems I faced back then. I tried to quit before and went 21 days before I gave in. I feel better this time though as I actually did a little research before, and have actually committed to changing rather than being casual about it. In two days, I'll be living by myself for the first time in my life so it feels like a pretty good time to get this boulder off my back and replace it with some healthy habits.
     
  2. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Day 2:

    - Went to sleep with wood, woke up with wood.
    - The few urges I had were easily controlled.
    - So far, so good.
     
  3. tymbles

    tymbles Guest

    Hey, welcome! Glad to see it's going well so far.
    Why don't you tell us a little about yourself so we can provide you with support? :)
     
  4. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Day 3 - Felt empty for about an hour, then went outside to meditate. Ended up just watching the sunset and the trees moving in the wind for about an hour. Felt alive for the first time in a while. No problems with any urges.

    Day 4 - Libido up but gollum jr isn't reacting properly. Urge to go out and socialize has gone up though. No urge to masturbate or watch porn luckily.
     
  5. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Hey tymbles.
    I'm about to give my life story, I've been putting it off procrastinating. Thanks for the support.
     
  6. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Day 5:

    Today I read a lot of journals on here, which almost prompted a relapse as I was interested in googling their fetishes that I'd never heard of before. Although it was the most troubling day so far in my short journey, I'm happy that I was able to fight off the first real urges I've had. Also, I got a spontaneous erection. First time I've had an erection in about 3 days so it felt good.

    Realized I've got a giant internet addiction too and I'm going to have to cure that as well. Good news is that I'm starting to get that confidence and urge to socialize everyone talks about. Whole lotta energy I've got to channel in a positive direction, especially now that I'm living by myself and with all the free time I have. Feels good.
     
  7. ssk08

    ssk08 Pointman

    LOL, MGS2 was your first semi-nude pics experience? Great games by the way!
     
  8. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Yea lol, if you remember near the beginning of the Tanker level there were a couple of fhm pictures. I googled fhm and the rest is history.
     
  9. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Day 6 No P, Day 0 no PMO.

    Just fucked up and MO'd twice... at least I didn't look at P. Realized today that my problem is really more with M, as P doesn't really seem to lure me.
    From now on I'm going to:

    - Form positive habits rather than procrastinating
    - Be careful about reading other peoples journals, as that screwed me over this time
     
  10. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    yea i also have that same problem sometimes, its like porn sometimes dont really matter to me its just the M. hope u get back to it fast, get back up on the wagon and keep going
     
  11. tymbles

    tymbles Guest

    How so?
     
  12. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Gave me ideas... a lot of the preferences guys here have I've never heard of and so my curiosity got the best of me.
     
  13. Gucci

    Gucci Guest

    Damn! Seems to be going around like a cold or something... Anyway, sounds like a good thing to me you stayed away from the porn. And I can totally relate to being triggered by other people's journals at times. You seem to be very able to succeed with this in the long run - analyzing what caused your relapse is a GREAT thing!

    What positive habits have you thought about incorporating?
     
  14. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Hey gucci,

    The habits I've wanted to form are very similar to the ones you suggested in your journal. The main ones would be:

    - First and foremost, develop a stretch and exercise (both weights and cardio) program. I'm a little bit skinny and my posture has suffered due to being at the comp an unhealthy amount of time. Also, being fit, strong and healthy isn't a bad idea.
    - Socialize a LOT more. Not really a 'people person' but meaningful friendship is a great thing to have.
    - Practice chess. I enjoy it, have a tournament in about three months time and I find it improves brain performance, especially concentration and impulse control.
    - Develop a healthy sleep schedule. Going to bed at 2-3am on avg is not a smart thing. I think the fact I had about 3 hours sleep on the day of my relapse might have contributed to it...
    - Meditation on regular basis
    - Learn to cook some basic meals. Living by myself now, and I can't live on Mcdonald's and microwave meals forever.
    - Reading and writing.
    - Do uni work on time rather than procrastinating.

    I have other things I want to do, like learning the piano, but I'll put them off until I've solidified these basic habits. I'll start this as part of my rebooting the day after tomorrow, as I have a friend coming around tomorrow for a day of man fun.

    PS: Thanks for the advice.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    No P: Day 7, No PMO Day 1.

    Similar to Day 1 of first attempt. No urges and most of the benefits (confidence, energy etc) I had are gone. One thing that remains is the want of a girlfriend. First time I've wanted one in as long as I can remember.

    I might also add that quitting just P is so easy to me that I don't even consider it a problem anymore. It's really MO which is the problem.
     
  15. Gucci

    Gucci Guest

    Well, if you're not excercising nor sleeping or eating well, you can look forward to an incomparable mental state in time :)

    Take it slow though, and work systematically!
     
  16. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Yeah it should be pretty easy to fix my main problems. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

    Day 2 (+6) No PMO:

    Was going to write a long post but I still have a decent headache due to being on the receiving end of a baseball bat... so I'll make this relatively short.

    I had a major revelation last night (will write about that later tomorrow). Woke up to a near sex-dream... first time I've had one since I started masturbating! So, even though I 'relapsed' before, gigantic progress has been made already. I've also recovered a lot of the benefits that I had before - eg assertiveness/confidence. No urges to report, so all good on that front too.
     
  17. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Day 3 (+6) No PMO: Nothing of note.
     
  18. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Days 4,5,6: Nothing really of note on PMO front. Recovered from injuries.
     
  19. Progress?

    Progress? New Member

    Keep up the good work. I'm new here but I am already finding that just keeping a brief account of my day helps me to feel accountable for my own actions. Reflecting on the day, even if it is brief, can help to clear up the addiction haze.
     
  20. gollum

    gollum Guest

    Since I started posting here I've quit my internet addiction, PMO addiction, and gaming/tv etc. I feel like crying right now because I'm starting to see a lot of problems I must have ignored. The numbness I've felt over the last 5 or so years is going and it's incredibly distressing. I'll post in more detail later because I feel like shit right now.

    Day 7 No PMO.
     

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