Giving this forum another go.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gone fishing, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Left the forum awhile ago and decided to return for another run. My goal is to post here everyday for 90 days.
  2. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Been at this long enough now to see the patterns. Expectations of sex can be a nagging trigger. What I'm talking about here is sometimes referred to as sexual frustration. It's the sense of entitlement to have a sexual release. It seems to me that the addiction is to ejaculation. If a person were to view porn without chasing after an ejaculation there probably would be no problem. The harmfulness of PMO results from the searching while aroused for the sufficiently exciting scene to ejaculate. The desire for ejaculation causes many problem. To reduce the desire I've decided not to initiate sex or have expectations that my wife will take the initiative. There is tremendous energy that can be channeled in positive ways when the chase for the next ejaculation ceases.
  3. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    After PMO it takes 3 days to feel normal again. Not only does PMO rob time but it steals energy for days afterward. After about two weeks in the recovery process thoughts of P enter the brain. The desires are relatively benign, the desire to see beautiful naked bodies. That's the nook. And the brain rationalizes that this time it will be different, this time will only one hour, this time I'll be able to handle it. One hour becomes two and the clock continues to tick away. After searching all night (or all day) there is an ejaculation and then a crash. Time wasted and energy plucked away. It's always the same. It's at the point of the hook (the klesha) where the work needs to be done. A concrete plan of action needs to be in place to deal with the hook.
    cunning_stunt likes this.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    As you've been here before you certainly know the drill. Your renewed commitment to coming back here and getting healthy is so important. Keep 'er going, bro'. :)
  5. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Last night I couldn't fall to sleep. That's a vulnerable place to be. Got Out of bed, read a book and drank a chamomile tea. Finally fell to sleep after 2 a.m.; I'm tired today but glad that I used the time productively.

    I'm at 3 days which is a turning point toward balance and health. From this point the anxiety subsides and strength builds.

    Other than my finances - and this P thing - my life is healthy and balanced. I have good health and am very fit, I have a healthy spirituality, a supportive wife and a comfortable home. Yet I sabotage myself too often.

    From here on in I'm going to take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in my life. I'm going to focus on what works and what doesn't work and get my financial house in order.

    With P I know what I need to do, I only need the willpower to do it. Normally I have gone long stretches: 20, 30, 60 days. But when I indulged in just a little bit it turned into an all night binge. I like the quit technique The Underdog posted and I'm going to incorporate that into my practice.
  6. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    This morning I'm feeling really tired. At first I thought it was the night lost during the binge sneaking up on me and then I realized that I haven't had coffee in two days. These habits are a pain.. Other than money life is really good. Getting out for a hike today and going to clear my head a little.
  7. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Yesterday I had a great day with my love in nature.

    Beware the chaser effect.
  8. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Today I'm feeling run down and tired, a little burnt out.

    Its important that I stay positive and loving.

    Soon I will feel more balanced and energetic.

    It's just a temporary funk brought on by stress.
  9. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    It was helpful to read postings this morning.

    There are good people here working to become better.
  10. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Last time I was on YBR I actively commented on other journals. This time I read journals as a did before I rejoined but have very little interest in commenting. Many guys I interacted with have moved on and are no longer active on the forum. Since I committed to post here each day for 90 days I will. But I don't have a desire to spill my guts out. It's much different this time. Maybe over time things will change. My recovery at this point is a long slow burn. I've changed over the years. And I'm still changing but now I know it is a life long process and not a 90 day quick fit. This journal is one small part of the process.
  11. Bodhicitta

    Bodhicitta New Member

    Hey nofap, I'm back here too from the time you were on here before. I was posting as Z before and left for a long time, feeling that I'd beaten the old habits (with the help of the amazing plant brew ayahuasca), but it all came back again over the last few months, so I'm here again to do much the same as you - to journal, have a bit of a read but mostly just to keep a log and have something I can return to if needs be when it's tough or I want to view the journey down the line. I forgot my old login details so made a new account and chose 'bird' as my name here as I've been spending much time in the countryside and have fallen in love with the birdlife - their simplicity and freedom and beauty.

    I'm glad you're here doing your thing and wish you much luck and love for your journey.
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You've got a wealth of experience and wisdom to share so don't be shy with your comments. ;)

    I think it's a good thing that this time your journey is different; it reflects growth. Keep the positive energy going!
  13. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    It's not my intent to preach here. These are merely my thoughts today. There are universal laws of life. Following these laws causes happiness and breaking these laws causes suffering. Believing this to one's core will lead to happiness. Finding the conviction to believe that there are certain universal truths that will always result in happiness if followed and pain if breached is key. How many times must P cause pain before the higher brain trumps the lower?

    Great that you are here Z, I've was wondering about you, I remember when and why you left YBR.
  14. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Yesterday a financial blow hit me like a punch in the stomach, I literally felt like I would vomit. It was a hard serious blow.

    Now I am down on my knees. I will not get bitter or burn bridges. Anger will cause more damage. I will answer with love. This blow does not define me and I will not let it harm who I am. Although it threatens my financial security I will not be driven by fear. Only love will get me through this.

    On some level I have contributed to my current financial condition. And I don't know why or how. I am surrendering my love to The universe and God. I am praying for an answer.

    Recently with the health of a parent I learned in a serious way that I do not control life and cannot predict where life is going.

    Now the only thing I can do is continue to be true to my character, to love my brothers and sisters, to pray and meditate, to be healthy, and to do my best to turn this situation around. I will get my financial house in order.
  15. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    As much as I don't want to post today I will because I'm committed.

    I'm really down about my financial situation. I'm self employed and am losing my largesrt client. It puts me in a position where I need to do something fast.

    As much as I know fear is the worst I am afraid of losing everything.
  16. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Your comment about most of the guys on here having moved on, really resonated with me NoFap. I'm generally a positive person, so my first impulse is that they've all gone on to wonderful, no-PMO lives, filled with consensual sex, and time to do, well, stuff.

    Yeah, I may be a positive person, but I spend my days here in the real world, so I know that many have just fallen away, unable or unwilling to get back on track, or worse, ashamed that they'll be seen in a poor light.

    So to say I'm happy to see you back here is not accurate. I am pleased to see that you've come here to get yourself back to where you want to be, even if part of me is sad that you weren't living in that rosy porn-free pasture I'd imagined.

    Your financial concern is something I dealt with a few years back. It got desperate at times, but luckily my wife kept telling me "we'll figure this out." Damn, she used my own vague words of empowerment on me, which was both unimaginative, and totally true, because it made me realize that I had to work a lot more, and jerk a lot less, and eventually, I got things back together.

    I'm not doing what I would have considered back then as "my calling," yet this new phase of my life has been a revelation to me. I didn't know back then what I was capable of; what all of us are capable of: reinvention.

    The lack of money was scary, and I don't miss that, or the occasional feelings of hopelessness. But when I look back on that year of my life, I know that learning to channel that white fear of the unknown, taught me to take on tasks that I never previously thought myself worthy of. The bad times pulled me back into that naive asshole teenager, who was just too dumb to know what he couldn't do.

    I'll cut the Tony Robbins crap now, but if you need to talk, PM me. I don't have all the answers, but I to possess an undying belief that we can do anything, especially when there's no choice not to.
  17. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Thank you SoJ. Your encouraging words lifted me up this morning. I am probably going to lose my biggest client and I am sacred. Every word you posted here resonates with me. The feeling of hopelessness and desperation can be overwhelming at times but I am determined to pivot to finally find a way to have financial security. I really good at what I do but have never been financially secure. The conflicts I harbored about money and goodness are gone. There are many financially successful people who are good and kind. I am absolutely determined to turn this situation to the best place I have ever been particularly as you said because" there's no choice not too." Thank you brother for your support. I remember you from the early days and I'm happy that you have found your way and continue to offer your support.
  18. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Feeling a little better today about the financial situation. Have about a month to find a path out this financial situation. And I'm not sitting idly. This time I'm taking the bull by the horn and using all my skills to make things happen. Calling people, shaking the trees, making contacts.
  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I've been in dire financial straits and it sucks! I didn't file taxes for a few years and when I got audited there was a huge bill to pay. Of course, we didn't have the money, so I had to borrow money from the bank to pay the tax man. The hit was almost 100K, but I got out from under it and put my financial house in order. The reason I got in trouble in the first place was simply because it was too much effort for me to be bothered to do them. I worried about doing them everyday, but that worry didn't make me do anything, except eat sugar, drink, and beat off to P. I'm still struggling with those same demons, though they're much better, particularly since finding this community. :)

    You can do this!
  20. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Thanks Saville. It really helps to know that others have turned the financial situation around. Your willingness to help other demonstrate you are in recovery. It's a process that takes time but if you persevere you will become healthy again.

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