Give Me Strength’s Journal: One Day at a Time

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Give Me Strength, Sep 3, 2014.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Hi GMS, thanks for sharing. I'm clearly a pretty bad PMO addict (I think it's my main addiction), but I have also struggled with compulsive weed smoking and also binge drinking. Currently clean of marijuana for about 3 months (and intend on keep going here) and I'm only around 12 days clean of PMO. I don't know if you would mind sharing, but what was it that made it possible for you to tell yourself to have that drink of whiskey after 30 years ? Was there some kind of reason why on that particular moment it happened ? I recently managed to not have one sip of alcohol for 12 months precisely. Although that was clearly good for me, I started thinking I should have fun and drink again out of the blue. Mostly because I was having a lot of problems in my life at that point and facing a personal ''crossroad situation''. So I ended up starting to drink again, which meant I also started smoking weed again. It was all downhill for about 2 months from there on. And then another 2 months of instability just to get out of that. And now here I am... Pretty depressed, but a little more grounded at least. The PMO is still a problem though, that one is the hardest to eradicate.
    Give Me Strength likes this.
  2. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Saville and TheLongWayHome,
    As always, I appreciate your comments and encouragement! Means quite a bit to me. I do need to get my diet in check... I am about 45 lbs on the heavy side.

    First, thanks and 12 days is freakin great start!!! I wouldn't say only! The most I ever went was 14 days and that was years ago. I am quite weak. Your question is spot on and what really gets to me. I am not sure what triggered it. I thought what the heck, a small bottle would be ok. To go from there to where I am now shows the power of addiction. The many years I was alcohol clean I never attended AA... it may be time to start. See more below and some questions for you.

    So with multi addictions its clear some of us are addicted people... I used to hear from a counseling about an addictive gene... now sure about that but it sure does show I have no self discipline. One thing my pastor has been pushing me to do is to fast once a week... to some degree, maybe just one small meal... I can see how that would build self discipline. A couple questions for you all:
    1. Has anyone ever attempted fasting to help self discipline?
    2. Is trying to get sober with alcohol and PMO as well as work on my diet all at the same time the right way to go?

    Of course question 2 above is my just wanting the fix a little longer.

    BTW: my 2 cents on alcoholism, there are many people that I know who are big drinkers that I do not consider alcoholic. To me its the progression from just a little to overboard.

    Thank you all,
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the encouragement GMS. With me as well, when I go back to things I am addicted to quite soon I'm back in the consumption levels of where I left off the addiction before the ''sober period''. I guess this is one hallmark of addiction after all.

    There may well be an addictive gene I suppose, especially in people who show compulsivity with several things/behaviors.

    Regarding your 2 questions I'm not sure how qualified advice I can give but I have noticed that practicing restraint in many things helps with practicing restraint with PMO as well. In other words if I live an unruly life (diet, sleep, etc.) it's much easier also to give in to the dopamine demand of the PMO call. So in a way indeed fasting can be a way to train self discipline which can then be used to no PMO as well.

    Maybe tackling all addictions at the same time can help reinforce sobriety/restraint in all things but, on the other hand, that may be quite demanding as well or at times unrealistic (depending how severe the problems are). Perhaps if such a thing is not realistic, you can work on the most important one first.
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  4. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    That’s also how I see this. I am addicted to different things - alcoholic, cigarettes, sleeping pills, porn... Porn is by far the worst addiction I have ever had, so I put this on top of the list. My other addictions are not turning my life into hell, maybe because I’m just mildly addicted to these drugs - and also because THEY DON’T GIVE ME FUCKING ED. So yeah, I am really not an example when it comes to dealing with addictions. But I manage pretty well at the moment with staying away from porn and masturbation, and I sometimes... actually pretty often use other substances to somewhat help me go through the ‘withdrawal’ from porn addiction. You get the point: if you really want to get rid of one addiction, you could alleviate the process by still using other drugs you like (if they don’t lead to PMO, of course... I know some guys struggle with that, especially with alcohol, as it makes then want to look at porn). Of course, it would be best to get rid of all your addictions, and I am sure it’s possible, but it would require a huge amount of will and at least a minimal level of peace in your life. If you can’t do this, well I would do like @Thelongwayhome27 suggested and focus on only one.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  5. badger

    badger Active Member

    i have not had a drink in almost 18yrs. i am a recovered drunk. i don't say recovering because that leaves the door open for me to drink again. after all they say relapse is the classical sign of addiction. it need not be. only you can classify you as an alcoholic. there are binge drinkers, social drinkers, some who have a drink only on new years eve, etc. the yardstick here is if drinking causes problems in your social, professional, personal life. it most definitely did in mind. it's not how much or how often i drink. it's how it changes my thinking and craving. that was a very difficult addiction to overcome but nothing compared to PMO. i still fight it daily. i have tried AA tactics and everything else i can muster, still very difficult. almost impossible. for me, my motivation is i have to have a why. PIED, lack of intimacy with my wife, always fearful that everyone at work knows or will find out my "secret". not being able to look people especially my family in the eye due to the self disgust i feel due to my filthy habit. i know it's an addiction but it has become an automatic habit i go to when i hurt. no matter what "hurt" is. tough day at work, fight with my wife, dog pooped in the house, the sun came up today, etc. in the end i am just rationalizing so i can get my fix-PMO. which does not last long, then comes the misery, remorse, guilt, shame. any way enough of my ramblings.
    also i fast and it has helped me tremendously. most days i do intermittent fasting. every 4-5mos i will do a 3 day water only fast. this one really makes me soul search. take care may God bless you my brother. am here for any help i can render.
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  6. badger

    badger Active Member

    for me when i started drinking again after long periods of abstinence was because i wanted to drink more that i didn't. back then i had as may reasons to drink as there are stars in the sky. of course at the time they were valid, to me. in the end it is very simple i just wanted to drink. hang in there my brother. praying for you.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.

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