Give Me Strength’s Journal: One Day at a Time

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Give Me Strength, Sep 3, 2014.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Everyone is different. As much as is humanly possible we need to learn to live in the moment. By that I mean we do the things that are in front of us. Take out the trash, wash a few dishes, do some raking; that sort of thing. Eventually the fog and fatigue start to life. I also agree with 40 that concurrently with staying away from PMO we must change other aspects of our lives, which might mean supplementing one's diet or checking out a thyroid issue.

    Keep posting! :)
     
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  2. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Friends,
    Today is a new day.
    I will stay clean for today.
    Hope everyone is doing well in these crazy times.


    GMS
     
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  3. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Hey there GMS
    Yes. With grace I will stay clean as well
     
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  4. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello,
    I am climbing back out of the hole I have been in. Watched "Lord of the Rings" the other day with family... I feel like Gollum. That is why I am dragging my butt back here to start again.

    I have been reading many of your journals and continue to gain strength through you... thank you.

    I will stay clean today.

    GMS
     
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Good to see you back here, GMS.
     
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  6. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello,
    Saville,
    Thank you for the note! Much appreciated. Hope you are continuing to do well.

    Made it through DAY 3 but the nights are difficult for me... and I struggle when things are going well.

    For tonight I will stay clean and no PMO.

    Peace and strength to all,
    GMS
     
  7. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi GMS,

    I’ve definitely been feeling those same issues during this reboot, and also during previous ones.

    As to how long it takes, from reading through some of the experiences on this site it can vary widely from person to person. I think this is because it depends on how long the person has been addicted and also their age and exposure to different forms of P.

    90 days is mentioned a lot as a benchmark to aim for, and I think there is to information to show that changes in the brain do happen as this point. I don’t have any specific links to point towards, but this is what I’ve encountered looking through both YBOP, this site, and elsewhere. Having said that, as mentioned above, it varies hugely depending on length of addiction etc.

    I think also it can be deceptive how long it takes due to the fact that our desire to act out to PMO may trick us into thinking what is/isn’t acceptable to do.

    My longest ever streak I recorded was about 120 days. However, that’s what I thought the streak was without examining it too closely. I didn’t O during that time, however I am pretty certain there were some tricky justifications as to what constituted P and M.

    Now that I am rebooting again I think I’m more aware that this is a long-term process, rather than focusing on a particular streak. Having said that, I am using a counter as I find it to be personally motivating. I know that there are some folks that aren’t fans of using a counter, and so I think it depends on what works for the individual.
     
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  8. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Clovis6,
    Thank you your reply and sharing... I sincerely appreciate it. 120 days is fantastic and congratulations on your current 17 days. The longest for me has been 14 days and that only once in 45 years!!!

    Peace,
    GMS
     
  9. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi GMS,

    I don’t take the previous streak of 120 days too seriously, as while it was 120 no O, I think there was definitely so really slippery justifications to act out with P and M. I didn’t act out using methods I had previously, but got creative thinkingnup alterantives and then rationalised them to myself.

    However, it gives me a benchmark to aim for, and it has taught me to be really aware for the minds propensity to justify things that give the body pleasure, even though they are not good for the body. This time around I’m also doing more to educate myself about the process to try and pre-empt some of the issues that will come up.

    I think also before I simply didn’t take it seriously enough.
     
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  10. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello,
    Hanging in there today... woke up early and reached for the iPad... got to my favorite P site and quickly shut down and went out for a walk. You all have advised me to stay active and that seems to help... once my mind was not locked onto my fix I was able to stay MO clean. To be honest. that may have been the first time that I got to P and didn't go all in.

    I appreciate everyones continued support and wish you all peace.


    GMS
     
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  11. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi GMS, great that you had the presence of mind to quickly shut down your ipad and go for a walk. Staying active definitely helps, especially at the moment when many folks are getting less exercise than normal due to lockdown, restrictions etc.

    If it was the first time that you got to P and then didn’t go all in, then that’s great progress. Well done! Next step is to figure out how not to get to P.
     
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  12. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello,
    Clovis,
    Thank you for the encouragement. Appreciate it very much!

    Feeling good today. Starting day 7. Had a vivid dream early AM and had to fight hard to not act on it. These may increase as I come off my PMO fix but I hope in time that lessen. One thing I need to do is get up and out of bed as soon as I wake up in the AM... maybe go for a walk or something. I need more exercising anyway.


    Peace,
    GMS
     
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  13. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    You’re welcome. Keep going!

    I’ve found that the desire to act out does increase....and then gradually over time lessens. Not quite sure of the timing of it all though!

    Getting up ut of bed ad soon as you wake up sounds like a good idea. It’s a daily mini-test of determination which may well have an effect in strengthening your will not to act out.
     
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  14. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello,
    Clovis,
    Thank you again for the post and insight.

    Up and out of bed for a walk with my wife early today. Feeling good. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself but trying to get a little more organized. I need to work on procrastination too. Addiction and procrastination are somehow related I feel.


    Peace,
    GMS
     
    Saville likes this.
  15. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello,
    Feeling OK today... woke up again to a vivid dream/thoughts... hope that doesn't count as P. From what I read it does not.
    Things I am working on this week:
    1. PMO clean
    2. Walk daily with wife
    3. Reduce procrastination


    Peace,
    GMS
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  16. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    You’re welcome. You mentioned that addiction and procrastination are somehow related. I strongly feel that and also have struggled with trying to get more organised. In fact I feel that my own PMO and untidiness is directly connected. Whenever I am doing a reboot I slowly start to get more organised and tidy, whenever I relapse it all goes to £%$%.

    It makes sense that PMO and clutter are one and the same, as for me they are both ways to hide from the world. All the stuff I’ve accumulated is an attempt to make myself feel at ease, surrounding myself with things I think I need, whereas in reality its only serving to prevent me from looking at who I truly am.

    I am also experiencing a huge amount of resistant to getting organised. When I am able to take a step back and observe myself it’s really quite interesting!
     
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  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    That is really the hypofrontality of which Gary Wilson also speaks. The longer we stay away from porn, the stronger the frontal lobe gets in taking control.
     
  18. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi Gil,

    Thanks for mentioning hypofrontality. I feel as though its something I should learn up on, and also something that might explain a lot of things in my life.

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too...-your-brain-sensitization-and-hypofrontality/

    I thought I’d share the above link on the topic.
     
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  19. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Friends,
    I haven't been here in some time. And coming back reading your journals has always been helpful to me! Thank for sharing. So here I am.

    As some of you may remember, I am a PMO addict and alcoholic. Up until a couple years ago, I was alcohol sober for 30 freaking years! As I have written here in my journal, alcohol sober was easy because I just substituted PMO for the alcohol... although I was drinking and PMO since I was about 14 and stopped drinking around 25.

    There is an AA saying that is something like this: "one drink is too many and a thousands not enough". I have experienced that with PMO for sure... how many times have I fallen off the wagon only to go on long PMO binges. If you do not mind me getting off the PMO subject Id like to tell you about the last year+. I do believe it all plays into our "recovery"... not just stopping PMO or drinking.

    I travel quite a bit for work (pre Covid). In 2019, while traveling, I said to myself you know, a little whiskey tonight would be nice.... what could it hurt. So on the way to the hotel one night I stopped at the local liquor store and picked up a small bottle of whiskey. Remember, one drink is not enough. Fast forward to the last few months while now working from home. I have been going through over two 1.75L of whiskey a week... while working from home with my wife and daughters here. I have been scratching my head saying WTF man... how did this happen!

    As many of you have stated on your journals, its not about just stopping PMO. You really need to work on the whole person. Back in my younger days, I tried to stop smoking. I would go a little bit then be out at a bar and bum a smoke from a friend... next thing I knew I was back to buying packs and cartons.

    So here I am drinking and PMO but clean of both for the past 3 days.

    Thank you for listening
    GMS
     
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks for stopping by my journal. :)

    I rarely drank when the kids were little. However, once they left home, and it was just me and the wife staring at each other, I began to look forward to a couple of drinks in the evening. It was one of the few things that gave me "pleasure" in what seemed a rather dreary life. As I mentioned on my journal I've given up sugar and so this means I've stopped drinking, too. My habit in the evening was to pour myself a big glass of wine and accompany that with a chocolate bar and a bag of chips. The first couple of weeks of stopping were hard, but now I look forward to a herbal tea at night, even though that sounds strange to even type. You are right, we have to work on the whole of us, which is a pretty daunting task. But, it can be done!

    Well done!
     
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