Giles' Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Giles, Jun 20, 2013.

  1. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    May I suggest an alternate way of dealing with this?

    Seeing an erotic photo of a woman you are interested in, and have real prospects with, is exciting. It should be exciting. But real sex is much better, much more significant that masturbation. So, if you become aroused by such a photo refuse to "take matters into your own hands" and, instead, look forward to the real thing.
     
  2. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    That's quite an interesting set of circumstances you find yourself in, Giles. I can't say with any confidence that I would react any differently. No one can predict our adventures once we have climbed a safe distance out of the porn pit. Adventure on!
     
  3. Giles

    Giles Member

    Thanks for your comments LTE and Bright Eyes.
     
  4. TheFuture

    TheFuture Allow me to reintroduce myself

    There are two possibilities here,

    a) She is toying with you and just want's to be friends (highly unlikely).
    b) She is interested in you, but you are not taking things to the next level (very likely).

    I haven't read the whole story on this girl, but I think you should look at this way, you clearly want to be more than just friends with her, but I don't know if your communicating that to her. She may be confused or unsure, and this is most likely because she is waiting for you to make a move or flirt heavily or something but your staying in the "friend zone".

    Ask yourself this question, how many of your female friends send you erotic pictures of themselves? This woman is clearly interested in you sexually, plus there is the chemistry you mentioned.

    I think this is one of those times, when you need to not overthink things, the next time your with her, just grab hold of her, and talk about the whole friendship stuff later.

    Just my thoughts anyway.
     
  5. adamski123

    adamski123 New Member

    I'm going to get right down to the point here Giles, so apologies for missing the etiquette and politeness in advance.

    What would you tell the new hire who asks you for sales advice for a particular client... but it's 100% clear to you that he knows nothing about sales and has never even read one book on the topic? You'd probably flip him a book and offer some general advice for the client on hand... so here it is:

    1. For your personal benefit... Figure out this little game. It doesn't take much... it's just a damn conversation... and good news for you! It's essentially a sales gig.

    2. You've got to figure out how to carve a smooth path from where you are now to the point where you have your P in her V (this is essentially what you want). You asked for an erotic picture, think about it... is this a smooth path to her vagina or not? What you did was "test" her to see if she is into you. This has NOTHING to do with actually romancing her and everything to do with fulfilling your low-confidence curiosity as to whether she might like you or not.

    3. Get out of "ask" mode and get into the "turn her on mode". You are trying to figure out whether she likes you or not... so you dig for clues... and based on this perception, you will ask for sex. Think about this cycle in terms of sales. Would you go to a client and dig for clues to see if he likes your shit? ... then based on that perception, ask that they buy your shit? This is completely ridiculous. No, you go out there and turn him on to your shit any and every way possible. If your client's way in is through savings, then you do it. If his way in is through increased revenue, that's your focus. If his way in is through his ego, you'll even cater to that. But for some odd reason, in the World of WOMEN, you sit there and try to figure out whether she likes you or not...
     
  6. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Just checking in Giles. Hoping that all is well.
     
  7. imout

    imout Active Member

    Hey Giles, wondering how you are. Hope all is well
     
  8. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    Hello Giles, hope all is good
     
  9. Giles

    Giles Member

    Thanks for the well wishes guys. Yes, I'm still around and doing okay.

    I have not been feeling great recently and have lost the desire to be so active here.

    I know it seems dangerous to say, but I think porn is a thing of the past for me now. I have no desires or temptations to look at it any more. I am annoyed that my counter says only 30 days, but the truth is I only have looked at porn one day in the past 6 months and only a handful of times in the past year. I have made huge progress in this regard.

    I would like to develop more control of my masturbation habits - I know it is not necessary for me to masturbate as frequently as I do. I am still in the same situation of wanting to find someone to rewire with. I am getting frustrated with this. I have devoted a lot of time and energy into meeting women this past year and haven't gotten anywhere...
     
  10. imout

    imout Active Member

    Hey Giles, good to hear you are well. I understand. Being here can be a drag, im a bit unenthusiastic about the forum on a daily basis. HoweverI come back every few days because Im trying to remind myself that Im still the same guy who PMOed for 12 years. That doesnt go away in a hurry. Our mates here who relapsed out of the blue are proof for that. Porn doesnt worry me much either. I also masturbate too much, or rather for the wrong reasons. AND my sexlife isnt sorted. That shows some indication of teh state of my sexual health. Im not there yet, is what Im saying.

    wish you all the best for your search for a decent woman. Keep going. Im sure it will happen
     
  11. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Sorry to hear you've not been doing well. I can relate. I hope what you feel about the porn use is true. And if I had any worthwhile advice on the women side of things, I'd be doing it myself. Hope things turn positive man. Feel free to drop a DM if you even need an ear.
     
  12. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Hold out for something real. It can be done and you don't have to be miserable. Addiction makes you tense and unhappy but normal sexual desire can be dealt with and not make you miserable. As the addiction recedes into the haze of the past it will become ever easier not to masturbate.
     
  13. As one of those people that 'lives in their own head' I had pretty much given up on meeting a mate. (This was before I met my husband.) I got attention from guys, but attention isn't the same as connection.

    Attention is when a potential 'person of interest' meets some pre-determined profile or criteria, almost like a job applicant. I could make a list of attributes here, but they most likely would be triggers.

    Connection happens when two people discover each other rather than just gravitate their attention to appealing attributes.

    When I abandoned that pre-conceived profile, I discovered a facinating man. That isn't to say there weren't very attractive ladies after him, but they didn't have a chance.

    He had me with a handshake, good eye contact and no nonsense. I just wanted to discover this person with no destination in mind, it wasn't love or lust, just connection level curiosity. We met at a time when we both were open to being explorers, not finders.

    I will say I did accuse him of stalking me (face to face, not through the legal system) early on when he showed up at a bar where I was meeting some friends. One of my friends knew his family and he was quickly redeemed.

    Today as a couple, I firmly believe we have endured only because of those early days as explorers, not finders. Rewiring is not a destination, but a journey of discovery.

    Anyway, this is my wish for you and anyone else seeking connection.
     
  14. anonymouse

    anonymouse New Member

    Please don't give up the forum, or on women, Giles. I'm not sure which is worse - not meeting someone special or having a hot woman in your house that you can't peep at or touch. :-\

    I remember the very lonely days before I met my wife. It sucked. There's just no way around it. Hang in there.

    Things can get better, though. Together we'll muddle through the rest of 2013 and make 2014 our best year yet! What do you say?
     
  15. imout

    imout Active Member

    Giles, you are doing very well in this process and I have no doubt that you will find a good woman sooner or later. They come from nowhere, when you least expect them. The seeking has its drawbacks because of the expectation and the fact we measure the women up for their suitability.
     
  16. Hi Giles, wish you a happy 2014. Hope you are feeling more upbeat than the last time, which was about a month ago. Please do keep journaling, even if it's just once a week. Some of us remain interested in following your journey and thoughts, even when you are doing great keeping away from P! We need the winners to stay here, so we may learn from them ;)
     
  17. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Happy new year! Glad to hear you're still on the no pmo path. I knew my wife for a year as a friend before the sparks began flying, I had little idea what was happening, did not expect it, we just grew on each other gradually. Neither of us were expecting a relationship with each other. I'm just mentioning this to offer hope and a sense of positiveness.
     
  18. jebu

    jebu Member

    Hi Giles.

    If you want to get more control of your mastubation habits maybe it is a good idea that you stop masturbating.
    It is not easy to do as your brain will repeatedly tell you that this is totally wrong. And your brain has been conditioned through many years to strengthen the pathways that leads to you masturbating.
    Your brain reward patterns should be wired for giving you pleasure hormones when meeting real women in real life. This is not the current state of your mind.
    However, the rewards of rewiring your brain to other habits will probably get you in a better position to succeed with dating real women. As opposed to fantasy and masturbation.
    Which do you want?
     
  19. imout

    imout Active Member

    hey giles, hows tricks? Hope you are OK and if not , I hope that you know we are still here, open for your story.
     
  20. imout

    imout Active Member

    Hey Giles, I see you update your counter. Wondering how you are?
     

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