Giles' Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Giles, Jun 20, 2013.

  1. imout

    imout Active Member

    You can have my flatline if you want it. At 280days it simply throws me into huge frustration. I understand that it is very distracting. However I believe its simply another wave of readjustments for you. You have chasers trying to establish the obsession again. The demon is trying to regain a foothold. It ll subside, im sure. No M would speed that up for now
  2. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    This isn't based on anything, just my own thoughts. Integrating the sexual urges into your psyche may happen naturally as more P-free days go by. We are sexual beings, and sexual urges are far from alien, as scary as they may be.
  3. shaz

    shaz New Member

    Glad you are back posting on the forum Giles. Stay strong - try to channel that sexual energy into something positive. It is difficult but you have made lots of progress and supported many. Forget the past and look forward to a p free future.
  4. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I think the libido stuff is a good sign, even if you struggle with it. I've noticed some resurgence myself this week. My depression lifting is probably part of this. I can't recall if you dealt with ED prior to this process, but for years of having had a lack of libido outside of looking at porn, I can say I'd welcome that struggle. At least I say that from here.

    Libido is natural, and therefore to me this means a healthy change in your circumstances. It might be a rough ride readjusting, but it sounds positive. Hang in there man.
  5. Giles

    Giles Member

    I have finally severed contact with the foreign woman I went on a couple of dates with. There was such a strong chemistry between us since I was first in contact with her. This correlates with when all my problems started. Let's hope things become easier now, I feel a sense of relief already. I have felt addicted to her in a way and PMO has been my coping mechanism - I have been tested the past few weeks...
  6. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    hey Giles,

    just wanted to say im sorry ive not been around here a while and sorry to read of your struggles. keep in mind how good the good times were before. they are important building blocks to get out of the pit. will be following you more closely buddy. lean on me if needs be. we are all here for each other, and that is great. all the best pal
  7. jebu

    jebu Member

    Hi Giles.

    Good to hear that you are working on doing things better for yourself.

    My opinion is that allowing yourself "temporary relief" is much of what has kept you down in the mess that you are uncomfortable with.
    Drop the P. Completely. And do not keep things that tempt your nearby. Change your habits. Also drop the M.
    There is no need for "release". That will only reinforce your old brain paths. And inhibit change in your brain.
    Remember that feeling bad for some time (even a long time) is a necessary process for you to recover and bring out your full potential
    for being happy with normal good things.
  8. Giles

    Giles Member

    So, I have been doing a little better the past week or so. Hopefully the relapse was a temporary blip...

    I went along to the local Sex Addicts Anonymous group last night. It was well worth it. Having been involved here on the forum this past year and sharing my story and reading of others certainly helped. However, there was something different about being physically present with 10 other people - it was a more visceral experience. I stayed pretty quiet, just observing what was going on and listening to other people talk. With about 5 minutes left in the meeting, everyone else had spoken so I decided to share a little bit. Usually something like this would scare the crap out of me, but I felt quite comfortable. I enjoyed the eveningxperience, but probably won't go again unless I am going through a particularly tough time. It is helpful to know that such a group exists.
  9. Pi

    Pi Guest

    Hey Giles, I salute you. Although this forum is extremely useful, face-to-face interaction with other human beings is the real thing. It must have taken a lot of guts to attend the meeting.
  10. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Glad to hear you are feeling better and that the meeting helped.
  11. midge

    midge Guest

    Hey Giles--brave man!--it's good to hear you're doing better. That has to be encouraging to know that the SAA is there as an option for you should you ever decide to return. I admire you for taking that step and checking them out. Carry on, friend.
  12. Being present, listening and positive sharing are great connecting skills. Kudos to you, Giles for seeking out and owning alternative resources for help. Very inspirational.
  13. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    well done in going along Giles, brave of you :), it is important to use these things if needed good to see you realise this. keep on going great x
  14. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I agree, this was brave of you, it takes courage to discuss this in a group with real folks. I too commend you Giles!
  15. better_reward

    better_reward High-speed connection is an oxymoron.™

    I've been looking for a support system for years so i know it can be difficult and disappointing. So nice to hear you had a good experience at the meeting. I know what you mean that as much as we gain and get support here on this forum, there is no substitute to face-to-face presence with others when being vulnerable. For myself, I am convinced this is essential to heal.
  16. Giles

    Giles Member

    Just checking in. Nothing much to report.
  17. Pi

    Pi Guest

    Great to hear from you, nevertheless. Best wishes.
  18. anonymouse

    anonymouse New Member

    Hi Giles,

    Looks like we both stumbled about the same time. We'll get through it. I like what R_R asked about when we're feeling horny. I mentioned the same thing to my therapist - when I get the urge to M or P I need to find out what's making me uncomfortable or angry. What am I trying to escape, or why am I trying to numb myself?

    It takes a lot of balls to go to a meeting like that whether or not you intend to keep going, so that counts for a lot.

    Keep posting, buddy.
  19. RainerFoxSign

    RainerFoxSign New Member

    Giles, you're one of my heroes here. Glad to hear of your experiences in that group, and your courage in going and checking it out.

    RR: I was in a therapist-led men's group for about six years. I started that soon after 9/11, at about ten years into my porn addiction. It was valuable in all sorts of ways - having a group of guys speaking their truths each week is incredibly powerful - but while it was helpful, it didn't help me, in hindsight, as much as this online group: you, Giles, anonymouse, and everyone here. But it's definitely worth trying out, whether it's a 12-step group or something more formal and committed.
  20. Giles

    Giles Member

    I had to reset my MO counter today - I managed a couple of weeks but going for several months like before is going to be tricky - me thinks!

    For those following my somewhat comic attempts at dating: I bumped into the foreign woman at a different online dating site last week and we started chatting and met a few days ago. We agreed to be friends, but there is an undeniable chemistry between us so my thoughts are all over the place. Today she sent me an erotic photograph of herself - she is gorgeous - and before I knew what was happening I had the ol' member out and was relieving the tension.

    I don't know what to make of this experience, just reporting in...

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