Getting better.

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by JG55, Apr 17, 2013.

  1. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Cid...cheers mate. Thanks for the bump.

    I haven't posted here in a long while. Haven't really felt the need to.

    In terms of recovery from PIED, I have a suspicion I'm basically okay now. Porn temptations come and go. Sometimes PMO happens, but it is pretty rare now. I've had a trying couple days actually involving some peaking, but that is (as always) an emotional development. A work in progress.

    The reason I can't really say for sure regarding PIED is that I haven't had sex. It has been a damn long while. A lot of dating, but never really letting myself get close enough for sex.

    Half of it is high standards, and the other half is still being a little scared of it. Most of the women I meet are interested in long term relationships. I've never been too comfortable lying through my teeth to get laid...maybe I should hah.

    The past year and a half I've lived away from my home base. I'm moving back soon and am a bit disappointed that I haven't accomplished more goals throughout this time.

    Over the next couple months I'm going to try new things. I'm going to let myself have sex without worrying about anything else. Relationship stuff, erection, penis size, knowing what the hell I'm doing, etc.

    I have 3 different dates set up for the next 3 days. We'll see how it goes ;).

    It is frustrating to me that I usually need a few dates before sex is on the table. I just don't care enough to make that investment with most of these women I date.

    Anyway, I'll try upping my game and report back in. No more finding excuses to avoid sex ;). Time to dive in head first and damn the consequences.
  2. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I can relate a lot to not caring enough to make an advance, or being a bit afraid of exposing myselg to a sex situation.

    Seems like you're in a good position, no reason to hold yourself back anymore. Hope your dates go well!
  3. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Thanks man. Date went well tonight. It was a first date, and we ended up sitting on a bench outside the restaurant. It was real nice. She left her hand on my leg and just kept stroking it. We made out a little bit, and I'm happy to say I had a solid erection by the time we stood up.

    She seems like a live one if you know what I mean. I think sex will be in my future if I keep hanging out with her.

    Since this one went so well I think I'm going to cancel another date. She lives like an hour from me and is a bit older than I am too.

    I think I'm feeling the culmination of various objectives I've had over the past couple months.

    No orgasm in a good while aside from wet dreams, I'm in my 2nd month of an intense workout program, and I'm about a week and a half no coffee/caffeine. I suspect the latter did a number on my nervous system, and I'm able to be more relaxed around women without it. I love the taste of coffee, but I do feel better without it.

    I've also been meditating about every other day for 8 mins. The goal is every day with the idea I'll increase the time bit by bit.
  4. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    It's nice that you don't feel "obliged" to go to those dates. I've felt like that for a long time, going on dates with women I wasn't really interested in simply because I felt like I had to. It helped me improve my game and overcome fear, but I'm over that now.

    You seem to be doing fine so keep doing that you're doing :))
  5. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Thanks dude! I had a date tonight that was one of those you'd rather forget. Unfortunately picked her up at her place too so I was kind of stuck with her. She was just simply a mess. Not to be a douche, but she was easily 20 pounds heavier than her pictures, was a smoker and may have been a drug user. (No judgement just not my thing). Anyway, probably would have been an easy lay but I was just too turned off by everything.

    That's the way they go sometimes. Definitely will be hanging out with the girl from last night again ;).
  6. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Damn, that's messed up. I once met a girl who was a LOT heavier than she looked like in her pictures... Like you said, it's just not my thing, plus the fact that you feel disappointed when you meet her and she's completely different from what you expected. She was nice, though, so I made an extra effort to talk myself out of it without hurting her feelings.

    It's all part of the game, lol.
  7. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Well, I feel like an idiot.

    Had a 2nd date today. It was an afternoon date and I didn't know if sex would be on the table. Ended up having a couple drinks and drove her back to her place. We kissed a little while in the car, but for some reason it just wasn't happening for me. Felt a little arousal, but no erection.

    I know this isn't a linear process. This week I've felt kind of lethargic and I thought to myself earlier today that I wasn't really feeling a libido. Maybe a self fulfilling prophecy, I don't know.

    She was really surprised I didn't want to come inside though.

    Going to suggest a date at her place this weekend, pop 5mg of cialis, and just not worry about it. Preventing myself from even trying is probably far worse than trying and not getting an erection at this point. Just so much easier said than done for me right now. I don't know why I even care! Don't want or expect a relationship with this person.
  8. JG55

    JG55 Member

    I'm doing well, but have no sex to report. Still dating though and working on it.

    A couple months away from a PMO or masturbation.

    Decided to gently masturbate last night as I was feeling some intense pressure in my prostate and testicles while sitting. The release felt great, but I do wonder if spending more than a month or two without orgasm is still necessary for my recovery.

    I think I'm probably fine.
  9. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    From my experience, it depends on two things: whether or not you're masturbating for a relase and not a dopamine fix... and how you feel after you do it.

    It seems like you did it for the release and felt good afterwards, so I'd say you're past that point where even MOing can be very harmful. Of course, you should not give yourself a free pass and binge on MO, as the overstimulation can make you feel crappy after some days or weeks fo abuse.
  10. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Been dating another girl lately but still not feeling very confident sexually. We haven't done anything other than make out.

    A couple times this week I thought we might be able to have sex and took the viagra equivalent that I have. The good news is that I do get erections with them. I was just sitting on the couch with her not doing anything sexual and started getting hard from it.

    The bad news is that it is really inconsistent. We were kissing for awhile and then if we stop for a minute my erection will go away. Last night when we finally got in bed I was just completely dead down there all of a sudden.

    I'm not super attracted to this girl honestly, but the company is nice.

    I'm not very comfortable letting things escalate or letting her go down unless I'm already hard, which might be a mistake too.

    Not sure if I should keep trying to make it happen with her, or just move on. At this point I think I'd feel better just being able to say that I had sex, even if it was bad. Some of my close friends know how long it has been for me and are constantly asking me about it. Definitely has gotten in my head and makes me feel pretty asexual.

    Sometimes I feel like a mix of high standards and just nervous sexually. So I'm not sure when to just push through or if I actually have a legit reason not to.

    Perhaps, when you're not very attracted to someone, the slightest thing can turn you off. She has a couple cats in her apartment and the whole make of it gives off an old lady feel. Yeah. Anyway.
  11. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Oh man, I can totally relate. I remember being with this girl, we were kissing and I was rock hard thinking "holy shit I wanna do her so bad", but when we finally got in bed... dead. No sing of life down there. And that was not the only time.

    For me I think it was a lot of things... Not enough time away from PMO and MO, confidence issues, anxiety, intimacy issues (a real problem for me back then)... it was like I couldn't get out of my own head and simply enjoy the moment. I felt distant and self-conscious, to a point where I was not aroused at all and my erection would vanish completely. Not being very attracted to the women didn't help at all.

    I think you need more time and to ease the pressure on yourself. If it is not this girl it will be someone else.

    Also, cats are the BEST.
  12. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Thank you for the kind and helpful words, Cid.

    Yeah, didn't hang out with that one again. I'm basically on a dating pause for the next couple months. Moving after the new year.

    Maybe you're right and I still need some more time.

    I've felt very asexual lately, aside from having a wet dream last week.

    Part of me would like to say that my issues are more so with intimacy than PIED, but I'm not sure. If I was getting full erections that weren't going away, I probably wouldn't worry about all when I'm with a girl.

    I'm still hesitant to let someone go down on me because I feel like I should have a rock hard massive erection and am worried I don't. Sometimes I get insecure about size too, which is silly, because there really isn't anything wrong with my penis. Pretty average 6 inches when fully hard, but it does seem much smaller when I'm having erection issues.

    When I was younger I never even thought about penis size, but I guess the PIED issues have made me more insecure about it. I don't really care how big it is as long as I get fully hard and am able to have good sex.

    Anyway, all I can do is stay off porn and keep trying with real girls.

    Gotta let it go and be willing to have a bad experience. The trouble is that when I'm actually dating a girl I really like, I end up worrying about having a bad experience with her even more. I think I have a mental block sometimes where I think I have to earn other people's affection. If I'm not perfect I feel like I'm not deserving or something. I don't know.
  13. JG55

    JG55 Member

    I'll also add that I've thought more seriously lately about paying for sex. I understand why it is an absolute rabbit hole, but I also think that having a no strings experience where I can truly not care what the person thinks could be good for me.

    It is also possible that it could be an awful and uncomfortable experience ;) soooo
  14. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Yeah you seem to be in the same position that I was, too stuck inside your own head to let things flow naturally. From there it's a vicious circle of doubts and insecurity... and PIED.

    About paying for sex, I'll be perfectly honest with you: I don't regret it. Like everything in life it has had some messed up side-effects but it also helped me in some ways. It helped me to get more experience and overcome the fear of being in a sexual relationship with someone. Sex is no longer something completely alien for me.

    Do I advise you to hire an escort? Well, that depends. If you have strong moral issues against it, then I would not recommend it. If you feel like you would be overwhelmed with guilt then paying for sex is probably not for you.

    Paying for sex is not a point of no return. If you decide to go for it, I strongly recommend you do a lot of research on the subject before you do it. Seek a pro with good reviews on a local forum or something like that, do not go in blind. I've had a bunch of awful experiences for lack of research, a waste of time and money. Oh, and I'm assuming prostitution is legal where you live? lol
  15. JG55

    JG55 Member

    No, it is not. I could go to Vegas I guess lol.

    Thanks for the advice and information. I probably won't go this route, but we'll see.

    Unless I do, I have a guaranteed period of abstinence over the next couple months.

    Maybe the infrequent peeking at porn has slowed my recovery more than I realize. I haven't peeked at porn in over a month.

    I think I've been in a flatline since the last time I MO'd.

    Going to keep on staying away from porn and masturbation, and hope my libido and erections come naturally when I start dating again. I was able to get erections with the last girl, they were just inconsistent and I didn't have a lot of confidence.
  16. JG55

    JG55 Member

    At a certain point I think it would be wise for me to invest in some counseling. That "certain point" would be when I could truly afford it, but that may not come any time soon.

    There is one girl I had been crushing on pretty hard that I'll have the opportunity to reconnect with soon.

    I've caught myself making excuses to not get in touch with her. The idea of not being able to perform sexually with her just stresses the fuck out of me. Even when my penis responds appropriately, the older I get the more insecure I am about lack of sexual experience or expertise. I've heard about this girl's sexual escapades too, which makes it even more intimidating to me.

    This mindset won't lead to anything good, however. I've got to let go of this need to be perfect, and just try and enjoy moments regardless of what someone thinks of me.

    When a girl likes you, I think she'll be willing to stick with you through a couple bad sexual experiences. You have to approach it with humor if things aren't great at first, however, and try and be easy going about it.
  17. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Peeking is definetely a silent killer in the sense that it does more harm than we notice at first. I realized that after months of feeling stagnated in my progress because I was peeking every week.

    Once again I know how you feel, this weekend I pulled myself out of bringing a girl home after a party because I thought I might fail. In my defense I was caught off guard, but still. We shouldn't even have to worry about not being able to get up.

    I think all you need is a few succesful experiences.
  18. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Thanks man, I'm sure you're right. I've been a bet melancholic in here the past few posts. Time to buck up. Sort of replied to this in your journal, but do you find yourself worrying about PIED with girls you could have a future with? It didn't sound like you had any concerns with the 19 year old.

    On another note, I'm still struggling with bad breathing habits. I've mentioned this throughout my journal, but I get complacent in dealing with it and pretend it'll go away on its own. It doesn't.

    Breathing affects your whole nervous system, and definitely your penis. I just did some breathing exercises and then used the bath room. When I'm breathing with my diaphragm, I can feel the breath expand and release my pelvic floor muscles. A super tight pelvic floor may be more of an issue for me right now than PIED. I'm not sure I need to do kegels, but a daily breathing practice may be a great idea.
  19. JG55

    JG55 Member

    I'm starting to experience heightened sensitivity to caffeine, and more anxiety. The last time I had those symptoms I was 2 or 3 months away from a PMO, as I am now. 2 or 3 years ago I was about 5 months no PMO. I couldn't have more than one cup of coffee a day without experiencing semi panic attack symptoms.

    I haven't been thinking about it, but I just checked and my last PMO was August 25th. Had some peeking issues as I've said, and a couple MOs since then.

    Anyway, I think the extra energy and anxiety is a good sign of recovery. Will keep on keeping on.
  20. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Not sure I replied to this so here it goes.

    Yes, I do worry about PIED. In fact, I think any erectile issues I might have right now come from worrying too much about this same issue. It's kinda of a vicious circle.

    About a week ago I was almost sure I could have brought a girl back home from a party, but I didn't because I feared I would have PIED and the awkwardness from that would be bloddy awful. Imagine drive her back to her home after failing in bed, ugh.

    I still rely on Cialis when I'm gonna have sex with regular girls (i.e. not escorts), though I didn't use it with after the first time that girl you've mentioned. At this point it's more of a placebo than anything else, like "I'm using Cialis, this guarantees that I will be able to perform". Doubt can hold us back more than anything else.

    Right now I'm flirting with some other girl who I know is very experienced... The thought os failing with her is just terrifying :/

    Sorry is this reply was kind of a mood killer, lol.

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