Getting better.

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by JG55, Apr 17, 2013.

  1. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Good date tonight. Probably could have gone for the kiss but didn't. Don't really like to on the first date.

    I'm sure we'll go out again before the week is over.

    There is a strange streak in me that always tries to disqualify women. I've really gotta fight that. This lady tonight was kind, intelligent, and pretty. Absolutely worth my time.

    Growing up I always liked unattainable women. Or at least the ones that really made me sweat for it.

    Anyway, there were a few moments tonight where I felt a little bored, but she definitely is worth hanging out with again.

    We'll see what my body says when I get closer to her. I don't think I'm ready for sex. I'm sure I'll know it when I am.

    My recent orgasms have left me feeling kind of sore down there and just tapped out.
  2. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Did some kissing tonight, which is good. Man it has been awhile. Almost feels alien to me.

    Walked her inside her place, and she was cool with me staying longer, but I decided to go. Just didn't feel comfortable getting closer so soon. It was the 2nd date.

    And yet here I am writing a report on a porn recovery forum instead of cuddling up with a girl. Hmph.

    I have a feeling she may wonder why I decided to go, and I was very self conscious in choosing to do so.

    It isn't a guarantee that we would've tried to have sex had I stayed, but I don't see how it wouldn't have gone in that direction. While I felt a little arousal, I just wasn't comfortable enough to dive in. Tough to explain to a girl who is welcoming it.
  3. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Actually, it doesn't sound like she thought a thing of it. Hanging out again in a couple days.
  4. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.
  5. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Things are pretty good.

    Have a real nice connection with this girl and am enjoying getting to know her.

    If sex is in our future, I'm really not worried about it. Whether or not I'll have a raging boner or not, I do not know. We'll see how I respond to touch. She seems like such an understanding person that I'm just not worried about any of this. Obviously good sex would be nice, but whatever.

    Some simple rewiring will be real nice.

    Going to continue stretching and trying to relax my pelvic floor. I know this is controversial, but I may see a doctor and try some cialis/viagra just for peace of mind. Arousal is already happening and I think some ED drugs would help me out a bit.
  6. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Hung out again with new girl tonight and we're getting pretty close.

    The prospect of having sex doesn't exactly stress me out.

    The reality right now is that I just don't feel compelled to. It will always be different from day to day, but tonight I just didn't feel any libido at all.

    If this continues to be the way I feel, then she'll deserve an explanation. She's a very smart and open minded person, and I expect she'd be very understanding of where I'm coming from. She also seems incredibly patient.

    Having a pressure free environment where I can work my kinks out sounds pretty good. She seems to feel a strong connection with me, and while I do like her, I'm not sure I'm on par with her.

    My desire to rewire, get out of my comfort zone, and have some companionship does seem greater than my excitement to be around her. I know what it feels like to be really pumped about spending time with someone. That rush.

    I wonder if I'm even in a place to be emotionally excited about a girl. So who is to say where the issue is. We'll keep hanging out. I'll do my best to enjoy her company and be honest at the same time.

    Often I feel full of contradictions. This girl is many things I've been looking for, and yet...
  7. adamski123

    adamski123 New Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    You're jumping way ahead of the game with your mentality here. You're going from hanging out -> to having sex in your mind, no wonder you feel no libido, that doesn't make sense, not even in a porno.

    Think this way: you need to build your physicality up bit by bit, think of a ladder, and how you would climb up the ladder is foot by foot. Imagine sexual escalation on each rung. Now the good thing is, you can make your own way up there and get off at anytime. But I'd suggest climbing as far as you can, but start by kissing her - girls love a good make out session. Be super sensual don't rush into kissing and give it some passion when you do. You're coming across as very aloof right now, but actually I know you care deep down about how this goes - don't give yourself permission for you to get a chance at beating yourself up.

    If going too far is a worry and her reacting badly, if it happens just say something like: "Sorry, I respect your boundaries and will communicate my desires next time if that works for you?" but don't apologise for acting on your desires, that's just human instinct.

    Don't forget it takes a long time for emotions to build up, you need a mix of fun, energy and physical intimacy. It sounds like you're waiting to fall in love, give this girl a shot for a few weeks, it sounds like she's a good one, it doesn't matter if you get it wrong it doesn't work out. This girl will not play you, if you're honest and know you're going into this with the best will to not use her, then you've got nothing to worry about. Things don't always workout perfectly, give yourself room to get it both wrong and right.
  8. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Man you always hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you. Exactly what I needed to hear.
  9. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    I'm doing OK, but still haven't eliminated porn completely from my life.

    I am torn between two minds. One that says I'll never get normal arousal without being free 5+ months from PMO/MO, the other that says porn once in awhile doesn't really do anything to me.

    Results and evidence should tell me that the second one just isn't true.

    Not sure what my next steps should be. There is clearly a huge difference between recovery and abstaining, and I have no idea if I've ever come close to recovery.

    I have a lot of friends around me who think I should be banging a hole through every girl I can find. They're aware of my sexual history, or lack there of. It is to be understood in a way, as they just want me to be happy and enjoy that side of life.

    In reality it just puts an unhelpful pressure on me.

    Anyway, I don't know if I need to start being tougher on myself or the opposite.
  10. adamski123

    adamski123 New Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Don't succumb to the pressure of friends around you, remember they don't really hold too much merit to that comment. It sits with you longer than it does them, that's simply because it's a pain point for you.

    What is normal arousal? People get turned on by different things, fetishes are there for a reason, and also you know from porn, about the incredible amount of niche videos available in the industry. I had a friend that got really turned on by women's shoulders, and would only chat to them if they had a certain kind, a little different from the standard boobs vs butts thing. But that's my point. You obviously have your favourite area of a female body and to link this into "normal" arousal, you wouldn't get turned on by this unless you were to experience this up close in person - normal arousal isn't getting turned on on-demand, it's experiencing the moment with a partner and being connected with your natural desire(s) in that moment.
  11. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Well said as always, mate.

    Experiencing normal arousal with a person, after being "used" to porn, is pretty exciting. Remarkable how different it feels.

    I've been off the forum for awhile...just needed a break from thinking about this stuff. Definitely watched more porn than is good for me last month.

    Had a lot of real life triggers. Life is in an odd place for me right now. Good things likely on the horizon, but I feel more in muck and mire than I ever have before.

    A small personal revelation I had recently, the simple mantra of "this will pass". Whether it be a porn craving or something larger. Whatever discomfort or displeasure I feel in a given moment is temporary.

    When things don't go my way, I usually take it out on myself. Eating bad food, watching porn, or secluding myself. I end up just not caring enough to treat myself better.

    Still not sure what the ultimate fix is. Filling your life with the things you want, instead of focusing on not watching porn, seems smarter to me. Porn being something that happens when there is an absence of fulfillment in life.

    Maybe I'm kidding myself and need to be more rigid. I need to re-read this journal! Over two years of stuff in here that seems to have not stuck well with me :D!
  12. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    I'm struggling with the withdrawals pretty bad, and I hate that a relapse makes me feel better.
  13. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Re: No porn. Healing is possible.

    Hi all,

    It has been awhile. I don't have too much to share, but didn't want to leave my journal with such a negative last post.

    My past few months have been OK. Have not done a good job keeping my spreadsheet updated. There were periods of abstinence, and the occasional PMO.

    I've been abstaining from MO and PMO for over a month now, as orgasms still knock out my system pretty hard. I think I still need a little more time without them.

    Been dating here and there but haven't tried having sex. At this point I'd like to try, but it just hasn't been in the cards.

    Met someone a couple weeks ago that blew me away. Really reminded me what chemistry can be like when its good, and that we should never settle. Got her number, but I'm not living in the same place right now :(. Moving back there in the next couple months -- so just have to hope she's single when I get back.

    Hope everyone else out there is doing well.

    Giving our minds and bodies a break from PMO/MO is important -- but having a clear picture and focus of what we're driving toward in life is even more important!
  14. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Its great your having dates man. Really great.
  15. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Thanks man. Most of them come from OkCupid or Coffee Meets Bagel. I swipe on Tinder, but that hardly ever translates into meeting someone in person. Just get a few good pictures, and take an hour to honestly fill out an OKC profile, and I'm sure you'll get dates. Just takes some time. We're talking 1/50 here, but eventually it does work.

    The girl I liked a lot I met at a friend's wedding.
  16. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Didn't have a great night last night. Struggled with urges and ended up in one of those "mental battles" we have to avoid.

    No "relapse", but I did view some stuff today that I shouldn't have.

    It has been about a month and a half since I looked at porn. While this is sort of a victory, I realize now more than ever that I have to give up the stuff for good.

    Until I truly believe that porn can no longer be a part of my life, I'll keep going back to it for comfort.

    I'm not sure what it means to develop that "I've quit porn" mindset, but it clearly isn't something I have accepted in my core.

    Instead of just abstaining, I'm going to think about it along these terms more.

    The last time I went about 3-4 months without PMO or MO, I started getting regular morning erections and noticed many of the benefits that others do when they quit.

    I haven't had morning wood in a long time now, and imagine I'll start seeing more improvements over the next month or two.


    Went on a date today that was nice. Kissed her goodnight. Sort of hoped for more, but wasn't really prepared (no condom). I'm not sure if sex is going to be on the table or not, it was maybe our 4th date? I'm moving away in a couple months. She knows about it and is cool dating until I go. Not sure if that means she'll be okay with sex though.

    I'm very eager to just have some positive sexual experiences. The truth, however, is that I'm probably better off just spooning, kissing, and getting close to someone without sex right now.

    Getting a coffee with a different girl on Monday. Just trying to date as much as I can and see what I like.

    The girl I mentioned in an earlier post that I like a lot lives in the place I'm moving back to. It would be really cool to have some good sexual experiences under my belt to take back to the relationships I'm going to care a bit more about.

    At this point I haven't tried having sex in...yikes...4 years? Aside from making out, I haven't been super intimate with anyone in that time.

    Doctor gave me a prescription for cialis that I haven't had filled. My insurance probably won't cover it, but I think it would be good for my confidence.

    Thanks for reading all. As always, I appreciate any advice or tips!
  17. YellowMinion

    YellowMinion Member

    I'ts so hard to know how you'll react when it's time. I'm married and there are times where it has been close to two weeks and I feel sexually "dead' partially because I'm just exhausted that day, and part because no stimulation for along period of time means no activity. I generally don't get turned on just seeing her change or whatever and we can cuddle (though she's not a cuddler so it's rare) and I'll have no movement. But sure enough if she looks at me the right way and asks if I want to do it, it's instant activity down there. We start kissing or taking off clothes and I'm at full staff. It's like from out of nowhere. The other night I told her I wanted to have sex when she got home and sure enough when she got home, she took her clothes off, jumped on the bed, and I was hard almost instantly at the sight of her and prospect of sex.
    On one hand it's great that over the last 6 months I feel like it's proof that I'm not broken. I rise to the occasion when appropriate. I just don't have that random thorniness like I used to when on porn and PMO. I also don't MO at all either except rare occurrences so I can go quite some time feeling flat.

    So what am I saying? Life after porn and during abstaining can be misleading. You just don't know if you'll get it up unless:
    A) You look at porn (bad idea.)
    B) You're with a woman and about to be sexual. Sight, smell, taste, or dirty talk.

    I have inconsistent performance. Sometimes I'm very hard, sometimes I can't keep it for more than a few minutes before it goes down just a little, enough to be annoying. When I started I had absolute performance anxiety and sometimes couldn't even get it up. Cialis totally helped me. If I could get hard at all, then it helped me get very hard and keep it up. No anxiety or distraction made it go down and cause problems. I could also have sex for longer periods of time and keep it up.

    My insurance doesn't cover Cialis either. Well my newest plan says something about pre-approval covering it partially but I haven't explored that. It's worth checking with your insurance company to find out what it takes to get coverage (what kind of doctor diagnosis or whatever) if it's covered at all. A year ago I had no coverage for Cialis whatsoever.

    So here's what you do.
    For prescription Cialis, go to and register. You can get 20mg Cialis for as low as $20 per pill. (Locally at Walgreens it's $49 per pill.) Give them your doctor's info and have them contact your doctor's office to get the prescription which they require.

    Or, just jump to "Generics."
    I tried a couple of generics. Tadalista didn't work for me. But I got Tadarise and it just as good as real Cialis.
    India pharmacy sites are a dime a dozen. I found one that's fairly decent . I had an acceptable experience with them (timely order fulfillment, no CC fraud, no spam, adequate customer service.) I got the 40mg pills and just cut them down to 5mg, 10mg, 15mg, or 20mg doses. (It's just more cost effective to get the 40mg) No prescription required.
    It'll take up to 6 weeks to get your order.
    I definitely recommend Tadarise as a good generic Cialis.

    You can also get it domestically in the US in liquid form. See this post here for all of the details:
    The best part about getting it this way is that you'll get it in only a few days and it's pretty cheap.
    Tip: Get on their email lists and they send out coupon codes and sale notices regularly.

    Lastly. madisonjamesresearchchems is also in the US and they have capsules. They are unfortunately 30mg which is a high dose. Anything over 20mg isn't going to work better, it's just going to give you worse side effects and last longer. You could get them, open them up, and take half or something. They've had coupon code MJR35 for a few months now which is 35% off. It's pretty cheap that way and their tadalafil (cialis) is also very good.

    I personally use the liquids from PurchasePeptides (see my linked post) and swear by them. I take just the dose I want and it helps my confidence and staying power. Their tadalafil is very effective.
    I think I'm at the point where I should start trying to go without it or at least going with tiny doses. But it has helped me through the transition.

    So if you can get any movement, hopefully it'll help.
    I've also found that vardenafil (levitra) works pretty well for me. purchasepeptides (dot) net has generic viagra, levitra, and cialis and I said what the heck and just tried all 3.
  18. JG55

    JG55 Member

    ^^ hey Yellow, thanks for the support and feedback!

    I used the $200 Cialis coupon, and just bought 5 10mg. Ended up being about $55, or something like that.

    Will maybe use it the first time I have sex again, and then just save em for times I'm more nervous than usual :). One girl in particular who I hope to date eventually...will appreciate the added insurance.

    I'm not sure I really need it -- just been so long since I've tried.

    Don't think I've had a normal, full erection in awhile. It is easy to forget what these are like when you get used to the 50-60% ones.

    Not much else to report, had one date last week but just a kiss goodnight. Going out with another girl tomorrow and it'll just be our 2nd date. Not really too excited by either of these girls, but just want to keep putting myself out there and try to enjoy things best I can.
  19. JG55

    JG55 Member

    Things are pretty good. Been seeing one girl regularly, and I think we're about ready to have sex. We'll see what happens this weekend. Haven't done anything besides cuddle and kiss, but we've talked about sex and I think it'll happen.

    Funnily enough, I don't really feel much for her. I think its just a mutually convenient situation. We both just want more experienced and to have fun.

    I've been setting up a TON of other dates from Tinder and Okcupid. In fact, I may go on 2 tomorrow.

    Truth of the matter is, I still get butterflies thinking about this girl I met months ago. Anytime I see her picture I get that feeling in my gut. Ultimately, I don't think my path is going to lead me back to where she is (other side of the country).

    Rather sad, but I'm making some big career changes and I can't base my decisions off of a girl I made out with one night LOL.

    I just felt "that spark" with her. Just a look in her eyes and her smile.

    It is great to have a reminder of what true affection and connection should feel like. I haven't felt that way for someone in a long time. I'll take that with me as I continue to date.
  20. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

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