Hey guys, I've been bouncing around this forum and YBOP for awhile now and am finally deciding to post. This is a long story. Any insight or tips are very welcome! Ultimately I just wanted to share. The cliff notes of my story: I started my original reboot in January '13 and have since sought new information and help in completing it. After a few relapses, I'm hoping this journal and forum will help me stay on track and find methods to avoid PMO. I'm 26 years old. Like many other guys on here I started looking at some form of pornography when I was young. Though I don't recall exactly I'd guess 13 or 14. With a new age of computers and internet blossoming, I was equally intrigued and consumed by our family's first couple computers. By '99 we had the internet and I imagine that's when I first started viewing pornography. I remember going to friend's houses and exchanging floppy discs of images and things like that. It seemed perfectly normal. The older I got the more porn became habitual for me. I remember it being something I looked forward to, though it wasn't a necessity for me to orgasm. It was exciting and I just enjoyed it. My Mom had a conversation with me at one point. She tried to emphasize that the images of women depicted in pornography wasn't accurate and I shouldn't let them take over my mind. While I always thought myself discreet with my porn use, it seems I wasn't! And of course I thought my Mom overzealous in her worry. After all, porn didn't seem a problem then, why would it be in my future? Fast forward 12 years and here I am. I've had sex with two girls in my life, only one of which was a good experience. Despite having many girlfriends and being social my sexual experiences with them have always been shallow. I never really thought I had a problem. Many of the girls I happened to date as a teenager weren't ready for sex and I wasn't in a huge rush. I was 21 my first time and I recall it being a good experience. After that relationship ended and I graduated college, however, things really slowed down. I spent a lot of time at home not knowing what I was going to do after college. After settling on a career path and moving a good ways away from home, I have started my life over. I got back into shape and started making new friends. Despite some minimal social anxiety I get along well with women. I feel good about myself physically and know they find me attractive. As a friend tells me, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the way I look...just that there's something missing in my confidence. I never really knew what that was until now. Finally, a few months ago at age 26 I had the opportunity to have sex again. It was a disaster. Super hot girl...super soft erection. I had no idea what was happening. It had been a long time since my last sexual encounter but I never had erection issues then. And I didn't really notice any issues when I watched porn either. I freaked out for a little while, even got my hands on some viagra. The viagra didn't help much at all and the situation with that girl deteriorated pretty quickly. Not absolutely due to my issue, it wasn't going to work out anyways. I went to a doctor with my new erection issue and he did the normal checkups. After a prostate exam he thought it possible I had an infection and put me on antibiotics. After a couple weeks of rest I resumed masturbating to porn, thinking myself cured. As time went on, however, I realized that the quality of my erections even with pornography were not as good as they used to be. I started researching online to try to find more information on what was going on with me. Was I getting erections in the morning? Not really. Did I ever have wet dreams? Not in years. Could I masturbate without porn? With some work. Porn was never something I was proud of but I didn't think it the end of the world. I never thought I was addicted. I thought that if I wanted to stop using it I would. And with ease. It's largely been the scope of my sexual experiences. As disgustingly disappointing as that sounds it is true. I realized my porn viewing had become more extreme over time. I was watching certain things that I'd find disgusting in reality. Now I know that this is typical and a huge symptom of my problem. In the 5 years between my sexual partners I had been using porn continuously. Nothing else. Hardly any physical encounters. After reading a little online about Porn Induced ED I started to realize that this could absolutely be the cause of my issue. What else could it be? I'm young, thin, and physically active. My diet isn't wonderful and I can totally improve there. But as far as I know I have no heart issues. With the bits of information I found, I realized it was time to put porn behind me. At the start of the New Year I decided to stop. And I did for awhile. It surprised me, actually, how little desire I had to look at it after quitting. (Of course I have since learned it was just a flatline). Then February rolled around and things became more difficult. By the end of the month I was really struggling. (BTW I had one or two MO's up to that point. I had been keeping track and do have a journal.) Up to the end of February I had noticed good improvement. Sensation was coming back. My penis didn't seem small and dead. I was even semi aroused by the sight of a girl in public. HUGE things for me that had NOT been happening. I even had a wet dream! It was crazy! Then as often happens in these stories I fell off the wagon. A MO at the end of Feb led to a March full of PMO'ing. Not every day, just intermittently with a 5 days in a row being the worst. I fell into a cycle of "I can start over tomorrow". At the start of April I began another reboot. Two weeks later I relapsed again. I know it's not the end of the world and some progress has already been made, but it is very disappointing. Since starting my original reboot in January I earnestly sought more information about my problem. Most of all I wanted LEGITIMACY. I wanted to know that I was going through something real. Finding YBOP and this forum has certainly given me that and I'm very grateful for it. While the information on this type of ED is not very accessible, the quality is awesome. I have friends I can talk to about my issue but they don't completely understand. They wonder if there is something else medically going on. Reading accounts on this forum and that 6 part video have confirmed for me that this is what I have. Especially given my results in the first month and a half of my reboot. At this point I need more accountability. I need to tell others about my problem and what I'm doing to solve it. Equally so, I need help. The flatline periods are easy to bear. It's the "craving" that does me in. I've realized that I end up "sitting" in my desire for porn. I realize my body wants that dopamine hit. I start thinking about the things I used to watch (or these days...do). It happens often when I wake up from bed, or am inactive around the apartment. Often times the feeling is very crippling for me, even if I don't act on it. I'll feel tired or lazy. It feels like I'm stuck in molasses thinking about porn. I'm dramatizing too much but you get my point. I've read some people do push ups until they drop. What do you do? I need to figure out things I can do to combat that feeling when I get it. Because lately it seems I just give in after awhile. I read the "Top 3 mistakes" thread and agree wholeheartedly. Porn is not an option. It doesn't exist to me. The mindset is wonderful but unfortunately doesn't always work. I watch porn 100% of the time on my iPhone though I do have a laptop. Is it helpful to put some web blockers up? The idea that I can't control myself is silly...but I obviously cant. Though I worry that even with those precautions I still need to ultimately cure my mindset of it's faults. The only real blocker will be me deciding NOT to look at porn. So anyways.....if anyone has any tips or suggestions on getting through these bumps in the road I'd greatly appreciate it. There are other areas in my life that I can improve on as well. I suppose this is a good opportunity to focus on them too. There is so much life out there for me. There are so many things for me to enjoy. Porn is not one of them and will only be dead weight in my life's journey. I want to sleep with a lot of different women. Then I want to get married and have kids. Porn accomplishes NONE of that. I have no use for this anymore and I want it gone. I'm ready to start my real life.