Getting back on track, on to greatness!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by bikeguy, Jan 6, 2013.

  1. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Been doing OK the past few days. Had to work this entire past weekend so I kept myself busy. I'm sitting here typing this exhausted since I work 12 hr shifts and they are all nights :-\. I think within the next couple months, I'm going to try find a dayshift job since I always feel "jetlagged" after working nights and it just makes my life miserable. Just waiting until I finish up my class this semester so I can have more time to devote to a jobsearch.

    Went out last week with OK cupid girl to the bars with 2 of her friends since it was a drinking holiday here. Made out with her a bunch and we danced, ended up getting a couple erections as she danced up against me. Definitely progress there as I remember in my heavier PMO days I would be completely dead there even if the girl I was dancing with was attractive. Haven't really had many urges recently to PMO recently since I've been spending time with her. Also pushing forward on no masturbation this week either. So far so good.
     
  2. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Got hit with some pretty bad urges yesterday. It was raining outside and I got caught up on my computer just pointlessly browsing. Had a few pictures opened up in separate tabs and was ready to fap. Remembered the plans I made to hang out with my date tomorrow night and not wanting to disappoint her. Fortunately these thoughts were enough to make me reconsider. Closed my computer down and took a break by going to the gym. It's crazy how these urges can just strike out of nowhere especially when I haven't really had any in the past three weeks since the last time I PMO'ed.

    Today I had very little motivation to do anything but I forced myself to work on a school presentation that I have due at the end of the month. After writing this I am going to head to the gym again. Fortunately my weekend will be busy with work so I am thankful for that.
     
  3. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Screwed up a few times this week. PMO'd twice and masturbated within the span of a few days. Feeling lazy with little motivation to do anything at this point. My social anxiety and paranoia have been at an all time high the past few weeks. Whenever I am out in public or in groups I feel as though everyone is watching me for some reason. Talking on the phone to other people I can feel my voice sounding weak and quiet. I really have no idea how to get rid of these feelings, although I think most of them stem from having low self esteem. It's just tiring since this seems like a perpetual cycle that repeats itself every few weeks. Hoping to pull myself out of this hole soon.

    My Journal
     
  4. dontgiveup

    dontgiveup Member

    Do you use website blockers or anything like that? It seems that you're relapsing way too much.

    here are some tips that helped me avoid masturbating:
    - Throw some cold water on your dick
    -meditate for 5minutes
    -stop what you're doing and go do something else,drink a beer, anything.
    -just go to sleep, set up the alarm and sleep for 20min or something like that.

    Good luck man, I hope it helps you
     
  5. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Thanks for the tips man. Usually when I stay busy with things, I don't have any urges whatsoever. I've been trying to use the method you suggested where if I end up browsing the internet looking for images, I try to shut off my computer and do something else like workout etc. That seems to work well. I don't really think using blockers will work since if I really want to look at porn I can just go around them anyways.

    I've been going hardmode this past week. Haven't fapped or looked up any images online. Quite frankly, I don't have much of an urge to anyways. This week has been really busy as I had to work on a class paper and presentation. Went to a work training session for most of today, then going to another training session tomorrow. Have plans to go to a party with Okcupid girl on Friday night. I'm hoping that my weeks fill up with activities from now on as I am volunteering as a reading tutor every week and am going to be working on reapplying to my grad programs. Need to keep busy.
     
  6. dontgiveup

    dontgiveup Member

    The thing with the website blockers is that while you're trying to take it down you're probably gonna have time to think about what you're doing and stop. Those 30 seconds will save your life, trust me.

    Keep your self busy and keep your mind focus on the prize. I'm currently 67 days without porn and now I don't even wanna watch it anymore, keep it up and you'll get where I am really soon.
     
  7. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Had 2 wet dreams within the same night the day before yesterday. It was kind of crazy since I've never had that happen before. The good thing is that I was feeling some tension and urges to fap, but the wet dreams alleviated all of that. I felt kind of hung over and lazy after it though yesterday. Went to a movie then house party after with the girl I've been dating the past few weeks. I have no libido whatsoever yet and I feel like a lot of the affection and touching I have to kind of force with her at the moment. I'm really looking forward to having more of a connection with her as she seems really into me. I guess that will come with more rewiring however.
     
  8. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Almost attempted sex the other day. Went out on a double date w/ ok cupid girl and my friend and his gf to a bar. Danced a little bit then ended up back at her place. We made out a lot then she ended up laying on her bed completely naked and I went down on her and used my fingers. Probably did this for 15 min but didn't feel any erection down there. Because of this I didn't try to push it any further and told her that I was too drunk for sex.

    Not sure whether it was the drinking or my PIED that was responsible, but I still feel pretty desensitized to seeing girls naked. Ended up masturbating the following day to thoughts of her. I think I need more time going hardmode before I can expect to perform semi decently.
     
  9. dontgiveup

    dontgiveup Member

    Pretty sure it was your PIED, go back to hard mode for at least one month
     
  10. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    If you weren't nervous at all I'd say it's PIED.
     
  11. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Been going good all of this week, had no real desires to look at porn or anything. I have been getting some morning wood as well as erections throughout the day. Had a craving to release so I ended up masturbating and came within 5 minutes. Although I would prefer to abstain from MO'ing for at least 30 days, I'm not going to beat myself up too hard about it.

    Aside from that, life's been going pretty average. I put in an application at work the other day for a dayshift position so I'm hoping to transition to that from the nights that I currently work. Also went to go look at a motorcycle with a new friend that I started hanging out with recently. He seems like a cool guy and I hope we become good friends since we know a lot of the same people. It will also be nice to have someone to share my hobby with so I can keep busy this summer.
     
  12. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Masturbated this morning, then a few hours ago to some nude pics on flickr. I felt really down and depressed for the second half of this week. I ended up getting sick with something that made my throat swollen along with fatigue. It got to the point where I was so tired and had little motivation to do anything. I've got an appointment with a specialist next week to look at my throat since I have a swollen red bump that keeps bleeding. This has been stressing me out as I'm kind of a hypochondriac who worries a lot about my health.

    Anyways, I went to a concert last night with the girl I'm dating as well as her younger sister and another friend. I just ended up feeling kinda depressed the whole time and kind of low on energy. Although it should have been a fun night, I just kept thinking that I would've rather been at home by myself for some reason. I'm committed to not binging however after these slip ups. Need to pull myself back out of this slump and improve my mood.

    My Journal
     
  13. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Nice that you are dating a girl. :) Yea, just get back to no PMO and don't binge. Being sick is the worst, isn't it? I was sick for two weeks recently and my mood wasn't good at all. Get well soon!

    Btw, if you are feeling depressed from time to time, you can try the "positivity challenge", basically try to change a negative thought into a positive one within 30 seconds. All about changing one's perspective on things. I will try this for a time, today has been better than usual for me because of this challenge :)
     
  14. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    I've tried using the whole positive challenge before. Whenever I think of myself negatively, I try to ask myself why. It does help out sometimes, but I think it's mostly my anxiety and low self esteem that causes my depression. I need to work on building up my confidence in myself.

    After I fell off the horse last week I've been trying my best to get back on it. Managed to avoid a binge although I had a slip up today where I ended up watching some P and edged for a bit. Managed to shut it down and walked away though. I'm still feeling kind of sick however, not really sure what's going on since I've felt this way the past two weeks. Going to the doctor tomorrow to figure it out. Hopefully it's nothing serious.

    My Journal
     
  15. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    I have that problem too sometimes. I'll just feel like everythings doom and gloom or I'll feel like I just flat out have nothing to be happy or excited about. But then I start thinking about all of the great things that are going on in my life and that I do have to the power to change things and get what I want in life. We all do.

    I think that it's definitely related to a bit of low self-esteem and that we're accustomed to not taking action with things in life. We lack self-responsibility and forget that it is us who is responsible for our lives and what goes on in them. It's no one else's job to make us happy. Just ours.

    Also I wouldn't be surprised if the weather could be causing you problems. I know where I live the weather can't make up it's mind. One day it's warm and sunny, the next it's cool and rainy. Messes with my sinuses.
     
  16. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    You described my feelings exactly Bruce. I have a lot of good things in my life, and I am a generally well liked guy. Whenever I tell people of how I feel about myself or my situation, they are oftentimes surprised. I know we have the power to change things in life it's just the difficulty of finding motivation and willpower to actually make these changes.

    I've spent the last week hanging out w/ family and friends. My brother came over the other day with his wife and we had some good family time. Also spent the weekend at one of my friend's houses where we ended up going to the bars. Overall a fun couple of days. Ended up breaking up with the girl I've been dating the past few months that I met on OK cupid. I guess after that night where we didn't end up having sex, it's been kind of awkward between us and we both decided to part ways. She told me that she wasn't interesting in dating anymore since we didn't have a whole lot of intimate involvement. I think it's for the better, as she always put a lot of pressure on sex which doesn't really do anything to ease my already bad PIED and performance anxiety. I need a girl who's more accommodating and understanding as I go through this whole reboot. Since I was kinda depressed afterwards, I ended up looking at some P today and had a quick wank after making it to 11 days.

    I'm going to try and be productive as best I can these next few weeks. Have a summer class starting soon and I need to work on my shadowing and grad application.
     
  17. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Same thing as usual happened today. Made it to 13 days and caved in this morning to some masturbation. That eventually progressed into a quick fap to some pics online. I've been trying to do my best to stay as busy as possible these last two weeks by working a lot and taking care of my school stuff. Unfortunately it seems I always slip through a crack somewhere. Not going to beat myself up too much over it however, this is my second slip up so far this month so I can't complain too much.
     
  18. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    I've been making it to about the two week mark the past couple months and then caving in. Did a quick PMO session over the weekend after about 10 days. Fortunately I'm not doing it as often as I was (2-3 times/week) but I'm still not where I want to be. The weird thing is that I can go without looking at porn for days on end, but sometimes I get the urge to look at it out of the blue. I honestly have no desire to look at it for the most part, but it seems like there is a small part of my brain that wants to and I usually end up giving in to this. Have to keep working on it I guess, My goal this time is to make it to at least three weeks.

    Aside from that I've been working on a lot of school related things in the past few weeks. I've finally gotten to the point where I am almost ready to turn in my grad application and will do so at the end of the week. This week will be crunch time for me since I have to get that done as well as work and study for a test. Although it's a lot of work, I am looking forward to it as it will keep me busy.
     
  19. jkl

    jkl Member

    Porn may not be the actual problem, but masterbating to porn may be the underlying reason why people suffer from PIED. Another comparison can be with drug addicts. Looking at a drug that someone was addicted to might not be damaging to the brain unless actually using the drug. Porn is seen as the drug, but cant do harm unless it is used in some way.
     
  20. bikeguy

    bikeguy Member

    Went out to a beer festival with my friend this past weekend, then hit up the bars afterwards. The weekend was pretty fun overall since we ended up renting an entire house on airbnb then met up with some other friends. Tried talking to some girls at the bar, but to be honest wasn't really in the mood for some reason. After my trip I was feeling a little depressed so I fapped to porn 3 times within the past couple days. I wish I didn't self sabotage myself and binge in the ways that I usually do. Feeling kinda disappointed in myself right know. I'm determined to push through it however.
     

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