Getting Back On Track: My Abstinence Odyssey - Volume 4

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ee6, Jan 9, 2016.

  1. ee6

    ee6 New Member

    When I was last here (Volume 3), things were going well. I was excited because I was buying my first house, and I was getting promoted.

    But something caused be to fail: success.

    I thought, "Well, because I am doing so well, I guess my PMO problems aren't really causing me any harm." Then I went off track, eventually PMOing every day again. I haven't been to this forum a single time since last August - or 142 days, according to my counter.

    I stopped meditating and stopped writing affirmations because my morning schedule was thrown off, supposedly by my longer commute. But that's just an excuse - I've just been lazy.

    It didn't help that my new position at my job caused a shearing stress to my brain unlike anything I'd ever experienced. But was that actually the job causing this, or is PMO making me more susceptible to anxiety? I'd get super anxious over the most paranoid things, even though their likelihood of happening was low and even if they did happen, it wouldn't be that bad. There were nights where I didn't get a single second of sleep. To address this I'd PMO. Then I'd come to work, and doze off in meetings, mid conversation. With budget cuts, this puts my job at risk. Wouldn't it be ironic if the anxiety caused the very thing I was anxious about?

    Anyways, on January 1st, I stopped PMOing completely and abruptly. It's like the number of days so far in the month was my counter. And for 7 days I didn't really even think about it, except sometimes I'd think, "What happened to my addiction? That was easy." I ended up failing on Thursday night because I got a little depressed about something. My stress levels, however, have been very low.

    Today I'm going to get my counters going again and get back on track!

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