GER musician & podcaster - Logbook: Unleash my true potential!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Fry, Apr 10, 2019.

  1. Fry

    Fry New Member

    Unfortunately and after 28 days I relapsed...I won't beat around the bush, it feels depressing and absolutely demotivating, also because it felt as if I was on a great streak. But a combination of negative influences led to my relapse. An intense workweek with tremendous cognitive challenges and therefore the need for a reward, too less sleep and a little hangover (I had a few glasses of wine).

    I know that it is very important to be honest and open about all this, cause all you guys here and the forum in general are very helpful on my journey.
    Today I start over and try to learn/ evaluate as much as I can out of this fall-back.

    I know that I have to observe my inner feelings a bit closer and to take care of my self a bit better in order to stay strong...
    Change: I will check in more often and try to describe my feelings along the way.
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  2. Fry

    Fry New Member

    DAY 4 Check-in: Those first four days were more difficult than those during my last streak. There is this constant voice in my head that wants me to relapse again, like "what does it matter, you got weak anyway, how about one more time". Still, I remain strong and try to focus on the important things in life. My family and girlfriend, music, podcasts, fitness, you name it. But I realised that I need to deep digger in order to understand the reasons for my addiction. Therefore I made the decision to go to therapy as well, in order to work on things that are below the surface of my conscious mind.
    I'll try to keep checking regularly and looking forward to communicate with you guys.
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Well done on being honest about the "relapse" after 28 days and coming here to explain the motives for it. The elements you mention that you think have led to your slip are very very similar to the ones that made me fall off my last good streak. Including being hungover. When we are close to slipping I think that if we have a few too many, next day we are in serious trouble. Well done on getting back on 4 days right after (I'm at about 4 days too now but I slipped a few more times after my initial relapse). Good luck onward and also with the therapy, that's good stuff !
     
    Fry likes this.
  4. Fry

    Fry New Member

    It is time to start being a little bit more active in this forum again.
    This summer I struggled a lot with my sex and porn addiction, I think more than ever before in my life. On the other hand I learned a lot about me and my problems as well.

    This led to some major steps I took during the last days / weeks. I realised that I need some professional support on my journey in order to change my life for the better.
    This week I started a trauma-therapy (it took a while to get a therapy space) and in addition to that I found a very nice S.L.A.A. group (weekly meetings) where I can share my feelings and listen to others, who are way further in the process of healing than I am.
    It took a while, but for me today marks a new start on my way of fighting my addiction, on a very serious level. I know that it is my very own responsibility to move into the right direction, but I finally managed to add some wings to my plane in order to get my feed from the ground of porn-land.

    P.S.: Thanks a lot @Pete McVries as well. You were the initial ignition for me to realise that I do not need to solve my problem on my own, but that it is good and very helpful to ask others for help and advise.

    I will keep you guys up to date regarding my journey. Thanks for reading and looking forward to feedback, conversations, etc.

    Love, Alex
     
    Pete McVries and NewStart19 like this.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Welcome back! You've made some good changes for sure.
     
  6. Fry

    Fry New Member

    Thank you very much Luke!! Feels good to be back!

    Day 1 was pretty easy, although I was alone at home/ my girlfriend wasn't around.
    I focused on my goals and projects, but at the same time I tried to pressure myself not too much. Instead I integrated moments of mindfulness into my day. Usually I try to compensate some uncomfortable inner feelings with loads of work ...my own experience show that this is not the right way for the long term...

    Keep u posted!
     
  7. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Danke für die Blumen! ;)

    And I'm happy that you put things on the right track. Therapy, a self help group in "real life", this forum, a supporting girlfriend, people who want to help you and seeing you succeed on all fronts. Good ingridients for lasting success. I'd be delighted see you again some time or other.

    May it all work out for you!
     
    Fry likes this.
  8. Fry

    Fry New Member

    Gern geschehen! :)

    Yeah, it feels really good to have more and more people around me who wanna support my journey, who wanna see me succeed and who have experienced the same problems and therefore truely understand what I am going through. I want to put myself into a position where I have to think twice if I really want to relapse again!

    Day 4: It all went pretty smooth. FIRST CRAVING: I had a Sex-Dream last night. which felt unbelievable real...I feel that I struggle a little bit because of it. BUT it is my girlfriends birthday today, so I focus on making her day as beautiful as possible instead of relapsing to porn!

    Keep you posted and thanks for the great support!
    Alex
     

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