kv22206: I know that this is easy to say, and may sound trite or obvious, but a therapist might be very helpful for you. I think that whenever we start putting ourselves into dangerous situations, we need help to turn the corner. A therapist can point you to other resources, can help keep you accountable, and can help with strategies for self-esteem and the rest. You may not be using porn to get your dopamine fix (if that's what your counter indicates) but these other patterns are very similar. In fact in clinical psychology they all fall under "process addiction" --- which is basically anything we do obsessively or compulsively to get those squirts of dopamine. It's also worthwhile to recognize that in many ways, the sexual gratification you're getting at the public loos is entirely of a different kind than one gets with an intimate partner. The problem is that public sex or porn or whatever can crowd out our energies and abilities for real connections with real people. But you're not fated to these behaviors because you're gay. It's very important that we all understand that.