Hi everyone, an introduction is obliged. I turned 30 years old recently. I had been waxing and waning regarding PMO along the years. Although I has always been the nervous type but overall healthy when I was young. There some funny symptoms like blurry visión that came sometimes but never got worse , at 28 I got an escalating crisis where my job was on the line and even when everything came well, I couldn't disconect my anxiety and felt physically ill to the point that I couldn't sleep more tan 2 hours at night and I knew I had to go a doctor convinced there was some very bad disease that was about to kill me. I have become a little paranoid over the smallest symptoms. Tests came fine, even the blood ones and a neurologist sent me to the psychiatrist where I met clonazepam and paroxetine. I managed to quit clonazepam quickly but stayed on paroxetine a year and a half. At first, it actually sent my libido away and the flatline was quite enjoyable and I felt it even make me feel all powerful but the effect eventually faded away and I decided to cut the drug. Tapering off it was easy at higher doses but eventually doses were so small I quit cold turkey. Sometimes I get some odd experiences but they are becoming more and more rare. On the other side, libido came back with a vengeance and I returned to my old habits and to a point PMO became my proof I was doing fine, I mean, if I'm horny and I can get hard and off I must be top healthy right? You can imagine the rest: it has become a downward spiral where I feel worse and as soon as I give signals of recovering I succumb to the temptation. Also, in my daily life I have been merely hanging around with no plans except for next weekend. PMO has been giving diminishing returns with me taking more and more effort each time. This week, I got some pain, numbness and weakness I didn't remember getting before and got nervous it was some sort of new disease... until I connected the dots and realized it was the combo of sore muscles on the right arm and me putting max pressure on the nerves on my elbow given than PMO had been getting more difficult to achieve. Hitting a new low I'm cutting the habit once and for all, since I have plans to execute with my life and don't want to stay apathetic and numb for another year.