furor germanicus - I want it all

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by furor germanicus, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. aloopinfiasco

    aloopinfiasco New Member

    Re: furor germanicus - CONQUER

    This same thing has been eating me apart too man. What's important to note is that the time spent looking at this big mess that we have made for ourselves can be spent tackling it by small steps. For example, even when you are cleaning you're room that is in a pig sty state, you take a couple of tshirts, fold em up, and then look at how the room looks slightly cleaner now. And that motivates you to pick up some pants, change your sheets, etc. The point is, build some momentum with these small steps and eventually you'll run into change for the better. And someday you'll have a clean room that you've always stayed in, but love it's space and want to be there, and that'll be a great day!
     
  2. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Cleaning up the room is quite a good example, dude. I'm cleaning my apartment every sunday and as soon as I am finished, I feel good about it. Everything is on its place, the floor is nice an clean, the kitchen is tidy..

    I guess what bothers me the most is the complexity. I remember the first time cleaning the bath, lol.. It's only 8 square-meters, but I needed 90 minutes to get this bitch clearn. :D All the different cleaning agents and stuff. My mother told me what to use for the toilette, what to use for the tube and so on. But still it was kind of difficult. ahahahahahahaha. ::) ;D That's both funny and stupid. :D :D

    But seriously.. Same shit with your life. And even more difficult due to higher complexity.

    ...

    It's strange, but when I think about it as I'm writing this.. Well, what complexity do I actually mean? I just have to go to university, write some easy exams (which require constant learning of course), run my apartment and go to the gym. Also, some social interaction isn't bad. Working for some extra money wouldn't be the worst thing too. But all in all, that's it.

    Why am I complaining? I don't know, lol. That was an aha-experience in a way.

    Omfg.. I guess the main issue is the following: I make it more complex than it is. So that's what is meant by "Do not think too much..".


    aloopinfiasco my friend, I thank you very much, haha. :D :-*
     
  3. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    This is some fucking personal shit here. I shouldn't be sharing this on the internet, lol. But it's my last resort.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND:

    There goes the Bachelor-Thesis. Fuck procrastination! Damn, I hate my life. Waited to long. So, that's one more semester for me. I'm in some serious trouble now. Finances are planned until the age of 24, now I'll be finished at age of 25. So there's a lack of money for one (maybe only a half) fucking year. I'm at the end of my tether. I'm just fucking done. Had to confess it to my parents (it's their money, so it had to be..). It's just a fucking lie. Procrastination is a fucking lie, man. My whole entity seems to be a lie now.

    Going to get a job now. Saving money to be able to study independently. I have to take responsibility for this now. Gotta regain my strength. I can't stand this anymore, man. I ruined my whole perspective. :-X :-X :-X

    It's so senseless. Everything could be all right. Such a stupid mistake. Sheer mockery. I'm screwing my life here. My potential. All the people who believed in me. Disappointed. But most important: lost the trust of my parents. Cowardly deceived.

    I need new goals. I need fuel. I need a god damn vision.

    Deleted facebook. The only time I'm going to spend on the internet is this forum here. Or work for university.

    Going to get ripped now. Fuck the powerlifter-style.

    My Bachelor-Thesis is going to be a straight A. Shouldn't be a problem for me anyway.

    I'll overcome procrastination.

    Give a shit on PMO. It's stopping now.

    All of it is stopping now. Right now.

    I'll make myself a plan within the next couple of days. I'll share it here. Or at least the quintessence of it. Don't know how personal this is going to be. But one thing is for sure: This journal isn't only about PMO. I hope it's okay. But I think it's all connected. I'll cook the goose of the dark side within my mind.

    Heading for Valhalla. Only the bravest will go there one day. 70 years of life have to be seized. Seized and finally used to get to a better place.

    Prepare for glory. There's no surrender. I wish you all the best. Don't end up like me, guys.
     
  4. BreakingtheHabit

    BreakingtheHabit New Member

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    Sorry to hear about the education situation but I'm inspired to see your resolution to channel your angry energy in to improving life for yourself. That is the best possible outlet for negative emotions. A depressive time in my life after the end of a relationship ended up inspiring a huge overhaul in the way I lived and created a huge increase in productivity, independence, and general happiness, and I'm still riding the waves of that single change. Your mindset now reminds me of mine at that time. Rock on.
     
  5. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Anger, greed, fury, aggression, sexual power, pain, madness.. Those are the emotions you want to have in life. Plus the ability to control them. Like a wild animal. Thanks for your words. I'm glad you're doing good.

    Day 18. Thunderstorms all day long. 8)

    Three days and I'll break my record of 21 days of no MO'ing. I'm doing fine, man. Although the desire of masturbating is still given, the whole process is getting quite easy for me. I guess the brain realizes that I won't do what it wants to. It's about to surrender. So I won't. 8) I hope it doesn't do a fake and counter-attacks me, lol. Penis and balls are nice and flaccid. No erection today. Well, there's nothing more to say about it.

    Held my presentation today. Quite good. The docent was content. Little issues to hold eye-contact during the presentation but actually not worth mentioning. Still, there's always something to improve. Talking in front of people is more and more fun.

    To put some more "pressure" on me, I decided to join to threads:

    1. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=10549.50;topicseen
    2. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=10492.0;topicseen

    I might cross-post here and there. But I'll definitely fulfill the requirements of the threads.


    Regarding to my post of yesterday:

    Well, as I said.. I missed the chance to write my Bachelor-Thesis this semester. I'll have to deal with it now. I'm about to set some new goals, some new vision. Plus I contacted a therapist. I've got a meeting with him next week (normally, I would have to wait six month because he has so many patients!). I somehow managed to convince him to work with me. ;D

    Yesterday was pretty fucked up. I'm still angry about that stuff, but I won't change it. In a way, I even feel more positive now. This might have been the kick in my ass I needed.

    As soon as I set my goals in detail, I'll tell you about them. Gonna need a couple of days for that, just to make sure that I'm doing in appropriately. However, I can say one thing yet: I dream big.

    Have a nice day. Stay strong. Never surrender. And don't forget to prepare for fame and glory. 8)
     
  6. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Day 19. ;)

    I got ill. Seems like a flu. Not good, lol. I attended one course at university today and went home again. I'm bored. I don't even know what to do now. Can't concentrate, so reading a book or so isn't possible. Fucking illness. ;D

    Desire to masturbate is strong. I just want to release. I don't have sexual thoughts. However, my brain visualizes how I stroke my penis and cum, lol. That's so strange. I don't want to see myself wanking, hahaha. :D

    Asked a girl I already knew out for this weekend. She didn't want. I was turned down, haha. :D Well, no guts, no glory. At least I tried. :D She's not that beautiful anyway. Actually, I would have tried to release some pressure with her. Not more. :D

    All in all, I'm in a pretty good mood (except from the flu). I'm rethinking where I want to end up. Looking forward to speak with the therapist I mentioned yesterday. My mind is open for what he has to say, although I don't expect too much. I'll give a shot. Nothing to lose.

    Well, it's weekend. This is going to be difficult. As I'm ill, i won't be able to go out or do any sports. It's raining most of the time (although it's pretty hot), so going for a walk or so isn't the best idea.

    But I won't give in. Let's stay strong. Surrender isn't a choice.
     
  7. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

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    Rejection is a lie. There is no such things. She doesn't know what she was missing. Let her strive for the super cool guys and find herself stuck with some average douchebags.
     
  8. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

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    Damn...sorry to hear about the studies going down the drain :-\

    I've been in a similar spot so I know how worthless you can feel after it happens. Good to see that you're going for therapy; might learn a thing or two about yourself that can help you kick even more ass in life 8)
     
  9. Re: furor germanicus - CONQUER

    absolutely good work my man

    i cold approached like 7 girls today and got rejected by 6, and girl #7 isnt responding to texts anymore LULZ
     
  10. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    That's the point, man. I guess my time is coming later. Maybe in the mid-twenties. I'm building a life right now, whereas average people are waisting time. Nevertheless, there's one big issue: the girls who are sticking with these douchebags now might be later available to me (let's say in five years and assumed that they're not staying with the douchebags). The question is: Do I want to gather up with those women? Them, who had fun in their early lives and didn't care so much about future. Them, who then need a guy they can relate to because they realize how much shit they've done.

    I hope you understand what I want to say, haha. :D

    Well, down the drain is too drastical. :D I'm just losing six month because of a stupid mistake due to procrastination. Also, the financial situation is getting.. let's say.. tighter. ::) However, it looks like I've found a solution that might even be better than writing my Thesis this semester. I'm working on it. It's not over until it's over, right? ;)

    So I guess you're are doing it right, ahahahah. ;D No, seriously.. Keep on going. Try to hit on bitches as much as possible. But don't get desperate and pick up a fat one. :D



    Another milestone, mates. Day 20 is about to end. 8) Tomorrow, I'll be breaking my old record of 21 days without MO'ing. Also, this will be the 42nd day without porn.

    My balls just fucking hurt. I had to show some serious willpower both yesterday and today. I even posted in the 'emergency-thread', lol. I'm still a little bit ill, so I'm sitting around here all day long and do nothing. It got better today, so I could read. But being in the crib all day long makes me frustrated in a way.

    Penis and testicles are shrunk again. I didn't have an erection today.

    I'm looking forward to be cured, man. I just want to be healthy. :'( :D I'd really like to have those rage boners some guys are telling about. And be able to make a girl happy, haha. :D

    Also, I think it's time to rewire as well. I'm 42 days without porn, so I shouldn't forget to get around girls. Of course, I don't have the social skills to easily pick them up, but I'll try to get in touch with some of them. I might be going out tonight (if the illness is all right), so there might be opportunities.

    Onward we march. No surrender, only pure male strength. 8)
     
  11. aloopinfiasco

    aloopinfiasco New Member

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    Hey man, I'm always fond of posting here cause you post freakin awesome replies that end up helping me too aha. Now, you're a nice guy, so I know you know what I'm about to say, but I want to put it out there. Don't make the mistake of generalizing the way women are given their age. I have come to know a few women through my workplace over the past months that put up with my low self esteem self, help me out, and initiate when we hang out. That's alot for someone to do knowing myself, a lot of my guy friends don't even do that. Point is, there are great women out there right now that aren't striving for the super cool guys (not that this doesn't happen), and with a guy as nice as you, one is bound to step into your life.

    I am just stressing for you to be open to these things and not leave them till you're mid twenties. Are these women that are there for me interested in me? i dunno, there's a chance they're not. But what I'm doing right now is becoming comfortable around women, accepting the amazing help they give me in my life, and maybe one of them some day will develop feelings for me. That, to me is a win win situation over not having them in your life.

    Edit: Read a bit of your journal, and saw that you do work out. Whenever you're feeling a bit ill instead of sitting around, go back to that man! The dopamine rush from it fights half the battle of getting better by just feeling good!

    i ain't trying to overbear you with this advice, and my bad if you already know better. It's just that we're alike in some ways, so anything I have to offer I will aha. Stay strong man.
     
  12. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

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    Don't overthink your relationship with women. Despite what the internet believes, they're not all the same.

    Eventually you'll find a girl and unless you allow yourself to be a deluded fool, you'll know if she's marriage material or not. If she's not, you dump her and move on with your life and to the next one.
     
  13. digitalzone

    digitalzone Guest

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    I would say, that this segregating to douchebags and better ones is not healthy attitude. Furthermore I simply don´t understand why they have girlfriends even they are average or douchebags. Girls, who are 20+ years old, have usually social skills to distinguish the men according to their social status.
    Simply said, in my opinion they wouldn´t be so loosers. Girlfriend is a measure of something (e.g., social status, career..). (Did I use eg correctly? :))
    You can be a douchebag with no preparation for future and have gf or you can be a geek, have a gf and also be very motivated in career. All is about value ladder. We boys do the mistake that girls are so big temptation that we moving our dreams down on the ladder.
     
  14. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Thanks to both of you. Let me give quick answers to your statements. ;)

    I'm working out five days a week. On each of these days, there are two workout-sessions (usually one in the morning and one in the evening). This makes 10 sessions a week. As you can see, I'm not capable of doing more. ;D It's almost too much already. My plan is to cut two workouts, so there will "only" be eight sessions. My heart is beating for sports. ;) But I also set a new goal. Read about it at the bottom of this post. :) (If you or anybody would like to know more about my workout-schedule, please feel free to ask. I will give you an answer. Nutritional patterns can be found at the bottom.)


    Relating to your and Cid's postings concerning women: Yes, my perception of women is negative. Both of you are absolutely right. I guess, I have to be more open-minded. I really don't know what to say now, haha. :D

    Yeah, I see what you mean. But I'm not sure whether girl can distinguish that, lol. :D Well, fuck it, man. Time will tell.

    And I don't really know whether you used "e.g." correctly. I'm always forgetting how to use it, hahahaha. :D


    Anyway, this was Day 21. 8)

    Day 22 will be a new record of mine. I didn't MO for three weeks now, so there are still nine weeks left to reach 90 days. 8) It's hard, man. This shit here isn't funny. Especially the last days were mind-fucking for me. There weren't many sexual thoughts or cravings for porn. But I'm as horny as a man can be. Nevertheless, there are no MW nor spontaneous erection. Quite the reverse is the case: penis and testicles are pretty shrunk again. It doesn't bother me. Only the desire to release some cum is what drives me crazy. If I had one wish now, I would choose a woman with a wet vagina I could fuck. ::) Oh boy.. Thinking about it gives me a dopamine-rush. I better stop it now. Right now.

    Ok.. let's go on. I've calmed myself down (took me one minute, lol). As I said: this isn't funny at all. As I know myself, I'm not at my limits yet. However, I can feel that there is a storm coming up. This is going to be a fucking battle. And actually I'd rather not be involved into it. :D Props to all the guys who didn't MO for 90 days. Soon, I'll be in your league, hehe. 8)

    All in all, I'm doing fine. Balls hurt a little bit. Horniness is given. Although I can cope with that, there are phases which are pretty annoying.


    So, here's some other things:

    As I said, I will have to make some changes and set new goals for my life. Procrastination is ruining my existence (still, everything is 'ok'.. but on a long-term view, it will definitely have bad impacts).

    First things first, so here's the plan for my Bachelor-Thesis: I'll study for one more semester, in which I can focus on the thesis only. All the other exams and papers will be finished by the end of this semester. So here's the first goal: a straight A (1,0 here). I won't lower my expectations. I know that I'm good enough to reach this goal. I had many A's yet, so I know what quality means, lol. I've made myself an exact plan when to do what (which still is flexible enough in case of emergencies or risks. Those received my full attention). I don't see any reason not to act after this plan. After I've finished my Bachelor, I've got the possibility to make a master. I want to matriculate to a special field of study (economics; can't say the exact name because this subject is unique in this world, so my anonymity would be decreased dramatically, haha :D ). Actually, I planned to join in October. Luckily, I can also join during the summer semester. So I don't lose one full year, only a half. This makes the financial situation a little bit more bearable. And here's the point: normally, a master takes four semesters. Not for me. I'll do in three. The half year I've lost now will be compensated by this. No problem. 8)

    Second goal: Getting ripped until 12/31/2013. I have to lose 22 pound. I'm not a bodybuilder, so actually there's no need for it. But I want to prove it to myself. I'm going down to 180 lbs. Four sessions in the gym, two times running (10 kilometers on sundays, intervals [5x1000 meters] on thursdays) and two times yoga for an hour, which is good for the core and the coordination. 2500 cals (cycling; 2800 on running days with more carbs, 2500 on gym days, 2200 on free days). That's enough for me, but still a nice deficit. :) Foods are: lean meat (pork, chicken, beef), wholegrain bread, potatoes, crisp-bread, honey, whey, yoghurt, curd cheese, seeds, nuts of all kinds, milk, ham, eggs, all kinds of vegetables (and not to little of them ;) ), berries, fat-reduced butter, fat-reduced cheese, all kinds of oil, water, tea. Low-carb most of the time. Warrior diet (if you don't know what this is, google for it. It's my favorite way of living and it proved to work for me, so I'll stick with it). Creatine and BCAA as supplements. One cheat-meal per week, which is allowed to have 500 cals (so it's not going to be a big one). All in all, I'm going to do this slowly. Sustainability is the word. :)

    And a third goal: Sleeping with a woman until 12/31/2013. Self-explanatory. Optimal/optional: build relationship with this girl.

    There are some more minor things I want to reach until the end of this year. Not worth mentioning it here. Also, I developed a long-term vision. Well, actually I didn't develop a new one. I just got back on track. One upon a time, I had dreams. I've lost them. Now they're back. And hell yeah, I'll make them come true. The incident on June 19th was too much. I swear. I made click in my head.

    The main issue is procrastination. If I don't beat those patterns, I will fail each of these goals - and even worse: I won't be able to fulfill long-term dreams. I'll write a journal about this topic (not here, only private). I know everything about this shit, read whole books and reflected about myself for pretty long now. So I'm armored. I just have to do and take action. This whole topic is ridiculous because it's easy to solve. And yet, it's one of the hardest and most destructive things in my life. No need for this. ::)

    No "stay strong, never surrender". Surrender is not my vocabulary anymore. And weakness is not allowed.

    All the best to you, guys. Dream big. Live bigger.
     
  15. TheNewBorn

    TheNewBorn Guest

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    Hi furor germanicus!

    I read your story, quite similar to mine.. We've both stepped into this porn addiction and we're both getting out! That's the way to go :) I like your goals, very precise and ambitious(the first two ;) ), but the higher you aim the better :) Good luck with them..

    Congrats for your steak of 41 days and keep going, you are making it!
     
  16. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Can't sleep anyway (fucking flu - I'm freezing since an hour, my lounge hurts a little bit and I feel like I have to throw over soon :( ), so I'm going to answer right away. :D

    Yeah, I guess it's important to know what's keeping you going, hahahah. But I have to confess that I never really thought deeply about this. ::) As far as I can say there are several points. Let me write them down here. It's not in a specific order, so don't get confused by the numbers.

    1. I wouldn't say that I'm selfish/egoistic. So I'm ready to sacrifice many many things. As I would like to have five children, austerity for my own needs might be my reality in a couple of years, haha. :D But here's the point: I want to be able to offer wealth to them and my wife of course. So making some good money and building a strong personality is unavoidable. And believe me.. I won't be wanting to complain about this sacrifice. The youth is carrying future actions, so you should smooth their way.

    2. Going beyond mediocrity. I always knew that I'm capable to do more than others. However, I'm not more intelligent than them. I don't have any special skills. I'm not an clear extrovert nor am I a clear introvert. My thinking is both analytical and creative, but none of it is strongly marked. Also in sports: I'm not "good" in bench-pressing, nor am I good in dead-lifting. I'm an all-rounder. So I can concentrate on the basics. Other people specialize themselves and hence lack of certain skills. Nevertheless I've got the feeling that there is something more. I'm able to adapt to every situation coming up. I can think in structures, read people (I've got one big advantage: I always observed people. For many many years I've been sitting there just watching people doing their shit. And I'm telling you something: Most people out there are "awkward" [I don't like to put people down, so that's why I put the word in " "]. But I didn't have a rest at this point. I then took action. I met people's needs by helping them not to be awkward again. This made me a guy who has a feeling for what people want. This skill is suppressed by PMO'ing but still is pretty obvious and it gets better and better again) and finally see pathways through the crowds of these people. I get aware of their weaknesses. So I'm figuring out an easy way to the top, although I never take action due to procrastination, lol. To sum it up: reading the matrix isn't hard for me, hahaha. :D I call it the "sixth sense".

    3. Happiness, dude. I recommend everyone to think about the following question: What does happiness mean to you? For me, it's doing what you can do best. This causes happiness. So I am even forced to do the things I've mentioned here. And that's all right. :)

    4. Want to quit working by age 50. Well, more precisely at age of 49 and 364 days. My father quit at his 50th birthday, so I'm going to be better than him. This good old bastard. :D

    5. Being respected. This is a tough one. I know I shouldn't give a shit about what people think. And I am a pretty querulous person. Conformism isn't my thing. But still I want people to look at me one day and say: yeah, this man is a fucking dick. However, he made sure that he has been doing the shit he was supposed to do. We shall give him props. May he go straight to hell for that! - You know what I mean? :D :D

    6. My ancestors. They never bowed, so neither do I. They give me a certain feeling of security. Plus they wouldn't want me to keep my head down. I'm not religious , but I'd like to believe something. And so I have the hope that I can get to Valhall one day. Hope dies last, hahahaah. :D At least I lived a good life, if it doesn't happen.

    7. For women. I won't lie about that.

    8. I'm not too materialistic. But some status symbols never hurt.

    9. As I don't like the world I'm living in that much, I'd like to be able to change something. At least my closer environment. Being a good influence to people. But for that, I have to begin at myself. The problem about these world changers is that they are not ready to change something at their own lives. This doesn't mean giving up all of your values and beliefs. That means to be the best in what you do. Ergo (following (3)): only happy men will be able to be the reason of change.

    10. The last one - I want to get rid of this shit here. ;D I don't want to think about personal development all the time. Or about PMO-stuff. Or about to get rich. Or finding a woman. Or ... . I want to have these things naturally. Thinking about it makes you paranoid (I mentioned it somewhere yet - somewhere on this forum). This sucks, haha. :D


    Also, I have to say that I didn't learn it in a different way. My parents were pretty successful in what they've been doing. Being an entrepreneur is as if I was born with this manner.

    Many variables limited myself though. I think I have to work twice as hard as a yet successful person just to get rid of these limits.



    Thanks, brah. For sure we're getting out of it. I don't see any reason for you not to overcome this shit it.

    Yeah, the goals are pretty nice, aren't they? ;) The third one of course isn't as precise a getting ripped for example. I don't have as many experience in building relationships to women as I have in powerlifting, for example. That makes is hard. I have to start from scratch. So a precise plan isn't possible.

    I'll stop by at your journal. Now I gotta sleep. Got tired from writing this stuff down.

    See you later, ladies and gentlemen. 8)
     
  17. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Day 22 of no MO, Day 43 of not watching pr0n. New personal record. And with each second, I'm setting even more records. The fourth week without MO'ing has begun.

    I've got no feeling about this. I'm empty. However, I think that's a good sign. I'm neither euphoric nor anxious about this journey here right now. I accepted my duty, so going to 90 days without MO will be my achievement soon. There are 68 days left. And I'm getting closer and closer.

    In contrast to the last few days, the horniness isn't as hard to handle today. It's almost gone. I guess it was just the fear not going beyond the 21 again. I didn't want to fail again, so I put unnecessary pressure on myself and that's what made it so difficult.

    I had a "quality-erection" in the morning. Not too hard, but the feeling was good and the duration as well.


    Anyway, I'm still ill. Had the worst fever last night. My bed linen are wet all over. Lost 6 pounds body weight during the last night. :D Now I'm fine. However, I'm looking forward to be able to go to the gym again. fuuuuuuuu

    See you soon, mates.
     
  18. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

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    Just checked my journal for the last time today. I'm glad that I had such an influence on you, mate. The fact that you bookmarked the post made me fix some mistakes and add some more things (especially point 2). You might want to read it another time. Well, at least you seem to be able to understand my english what makes me proud in a way. ::) My grammar-skills and comma-placements aren't the best, I suppose, lol.

    I never used 4chan. The name furor germanicus comes from furor teutonicus (read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furor_Teutonicus). I can identify with this. Also with the Germanic way of life. The furious and merciless (also with themselves) attitude is exactly what I am living as well. It seems like I can put myself into berserk rage too (already wrote about this on page 2 or so; if you want to know more about berserk rage: google it - there's a pretty good article on wikipedia :) ). All in all, it represents resistance.

    I know the feeling of being a nobody, dude. I'm trying to get rid of it as well. And this is exactly what I'm going to talk about with my therapist tomorrow. Just like in your case, people call me a clever handsome guy with a merciless attitude when it comes to willpower. They realize that I'm a special guy who goes his own way and does his things. Many persons out there are impressed. However, they can't look into my head. Than they would see sheer chaos and negativity. :D A rotten mind, so to speak. I'd really like fulfill people's expectations and be the big fish in the pond, haha. :D
     
  19. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    Re: furor germanicus - CONQUER

    y0,

    I'm here to tell you about my first meeting with the therapist. We also spoke about the ED. He asked me what I was seeking by looking at porn. And he said: "Is it the tits, the asses? What makes you wank?" Just like this. He's an elder man. And yo, I swear - although I had to laugh at this moment about hearing that stuff out of the mouth of an old man, I am fucking disgusted now. Dude, I'll never be able to watch porn again. There will always be the picture of this man talking about tits, asses and wanking. I guess, masturbation won't be possible for me, neither. I'm not sure what how to deal with that, hahahahaha. :D ::) ???

    All in all, a good start with him. It's getting better.

    Later, guys.
     
  20. BreakingtheHabit

    BreakingtheHabit New Member

    Re: furor germanicus - CONQUER

    Glad therapy's off to a good start. I'm looking in to getting a therapist after I move, and it's helpful just thinking about what I'll want to talk about.
     

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