From this day going forward, i will no longer watch porn (26)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Kuhn, May 15, 2022.

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  1. Reyaan Ali

    Reyaan Ali Member

    Set a goal! Chase it and achieve it, set a another goal and chase it and achieve it.
    You should write down why you are setting a certain goal, what will be the benefits of achieving it and what will be if you relapse and never get rid of addiction and things like that.

    You should have a concrete REASON behind your goal. Otherwise, a bad day, one pmo to another and then binging!
     
    Kuhn likes this.
  2. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    it's been awhile since i've posted a journal entry. i'm on a vacation with friends right now, and i have some time to write down some thoughts. so here we go. long story short about the last 60 days: i had an alright streak going of 45 days, but tbh i wasn't being strict enough. i was m'ing like normal in the first few weeks, just no p. but it proved to be a recipe for escalation later on. now i'm on a 14 day completely clean streak. i hardly ever think about sex, but somethings different now. i used to get scared that i was asexual, but after reading the easy peasy method, i realised that it isn't necessary or required to be horny everyday in order to be healthy. for the first time i truly see that P serves no purpose for me anymore, except to hold me back. the counter isn't reeally necessary anymore for that reason. i'm just not going to watch p anymore, i don't need it and it's a net negative on my life. but i'll keep the counter for now, i want to see if i experience changes in mood after x amount of days (probably not but i want to see.)

    i would say i'm doing fine now. the vacation i'm on is okay, but a bit boring. the friends i'm with are perfectly agreeable, but a bit lame in some ways. they aren't very daring, and are usually naysayers. it's a bit hard to convey the entire history through text. but as an example of today: when walking through the new city, one girl was in charge of directions. but it was mostly just alot of blabbering and looking on her phone and panicking instead of giving directions. i walk one way because i think a museum is there, they yell at me to come back. then 5 minutes later it turns out we do have to go that way. in the museum, my friend asks me to go because ''we want to leave now'' even though i haven't seen most of the museum yet. but when we come downstairs, his girlfriend wants to drink coffee and all of a sudden we can totally wait for that. dumb shit like that. i'm with three girls and two guys, that i hanged with frequently during studying. one mate is here with his recent girlfriend, and since he got with her 6 months ago he has been distant. don't want to sound unreasonable, but it seems like we (the other guy and me) are only an afterthought now, where we used to be ''the three musketeers'' so to say. :) it's a bit disappointing at times. he was never very lucky with the girls, but now that he has snagged one, he doesn't need us anymore. that's how it feels.

    rant over. anywho, i have some dating news myself. a housemate of a friend come to my birthday unexpectedly. i kinda liked her so i asked her out, and it turns out she was waiting for that because a week later we went on a date and we made out for like 2 hours. it was pretty nice. we're both not completely sure about our feelings, but i do like her and we planned a second date. she is the first of her family to go to college, which i find cool, and she's reasonably pretty and funny. we'll see where it goes from here.

    i am enjoying this summer and the good weather, but i am lowkey sad about how shit my last semester was. i really went through all the motions of going to campus yadayada, but it's like my mind was locked. i couldn't muster the creativity to finish the term papers. it sucks but i can't do anything about it now. what weighed on me was the uncertainty of what i was going for, what future i was aiming at. i still don't really know but i must finish this study. otherwise it would be too much money and time wasted. even if i don't want an office job i must finish this study, because it can show a baseline of what i'm capable of. i've applied at two jobs, archeology and IT, the IT one being the most plausible right now. also i'm going to follow a course for welding (TIG).
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2022
  3. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    A cathartic moment on this random monday evening. Let me explain.
    I turned on the radio while driving, but decided to switch to the classical channel which I don't do often. After a minute or so the anouncer mentions something about tango and this starts playing:

    I had no idea I was into tango :). It moved me to tears. Because it was warm I had no other choice than to think back to sweet memories of a holiday in France. I looked on from above, seeing myself strolling next to a girl through a seemingly abandoned French mountain town. Even though it was the middle of the night, it was still warm. I held her hand for the first time and we walked up the mountain, over a road into absolute pitch black darkness. Not worried about a thing.

    Human experience can have so many layers. Feelings can be the worst and best thing to ever happen to you, simultaneously. What a great shame it is to be fooled into looking at life in only one, rational way. Only numbers and graphs. Statistics. Predictions. To stuff away your ''irrational'' feelings inside.
    I see it around me all the time. People who are stressed, anxious they are not doing ''enough''. They self medicate to stop their thoughts. Alcohol, TV, Porn. If only they dared to let go for a while and truly experience. Calm.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2022
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  4. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    I noticed how pleasant it is to read back my journal. Situations get a totally different context when you read them a while later. Like the post from my vacation, i glanced at it and only had fond memories. it brought me back to the location, feeling curious while walking there, and laughing with dorky friends about something stupid, while in the post itself i was actually complaining a little.
     

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