From Monterey, To LA (With Love): A Journal

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by Whippoorwill, Sep 16, 2020.

  1. Whippoorwill

    Whippoorwill New Member

    I don't wanna dump too much info here; the whole anonymity thing and all.

    Day 0
    The date is 9/15/2020. I keep telling myself "okay, this is the last time I'll do it. I got this." And the very next day I find myself in the bathroom telling myself that same hollow platitude again. I'd do the same song and dance in front of my close friend to make her think I'm doing better, when she and I both know I wasn't stopping any time soon. Today's gonna be different. Now, I'll stop.

    Why I Want To Quit
    I feel like shit everytime I PMO. It's not even for pleasure anymore, it's just something I do on the regular. It's a habit I really want to break, because eventually, it may be more than just a minor annoyance down the road.

    My Tendencies
    • I don't usually troll Instagram for girls, most of the stuff I find is on some... non-family friendly sites
    • Despite being a filthy fkn weeb, I can't get off to anime. At most, I'll see something that sets off a chain reaction in me to PMO to real women
    • A few games I play feature predominantly female characters (mostly) clothed. Once again; can't get off to it.

    Possible Triggers
    • Loneliness
    • Anxiety from school
    • Bored/nothing better to do
    • Loneliness
    • Being Single
    • Loneliness
    • Loneliness
    • Loneliness
    • I think I feel lonely sometimes

    Anything In My Ritual I'll Try To Change
    Most of the time, I get hit with the urge when I'm cooped up in my room and not doing anything productive with my time. This should be easy enough to change.
    • Always attempt to stay in the presence of someone (whenever I have down-time)
    • Given that most sport leagues are in play right now, I'll try my best to watch any games one, even if they aren't teams I root for (Go Bills!) I've been meaning to get into hockey, anyway.
    • I've been trying to listen to a completely new album from a random musician every day. Maybe I'll post the albums I heard in my entries?
    • I have some books sitting around. Don't I like to read?
    • Try and initiate conversations with my friends
    • My room is a dump; probably should get that cleaned up...
    • I'll stay away from the Instagram Explore page and art-sharing platforms, at least in the short term. This plays into my second tendency. It's also to try and keep anime + manga as a hobby, not a catalyst of arousal
    • Wait a few weeks and make the call on a few of the more "titillating" games I play are that much of a problem. I've never got any urge from those games, but with cutting porn out of my life, who's to say that will be the case a month or two down the road
    • I'll try not to masturbate for, at the very least, a week. If I can get through that, I'll try for another

    This one's for you, (friend)!
  2. Whippoorwill

    Whippoorwill New Member

    Day 1
    It's the 16th now, and I'm feeling alright. Never had anything cross my mind, which is a good start.

    Didn't listen to a new album today; Too busy with school and all. I did learn something new on guitar: the first 10-20 seconds of "Suicide Machine" by Death. Such a killer song.

    Staying in the presence of people does absolute wonders; I don't have anything unflattering cross my mind and can just enjoy the company of my family. Let's see how far I can get.
  3. Whippoorwill

    Whippoorwill New Member

    Day 4
    I had a setback today. Not necessarily a relapse, I MO'd to memories of porn. I'll try to be better.

    At least my streak starts at the beginning of the week?
  4. Whippoorwill

    Whippoorwill New Member

    Day 8
    This is significantly harder than I expected. I keep falling in the same pit again and again. Can't keep telling myself "this is the last time" tonight when I'll just do it again tomorrow.

    Okay, Friday is when I'll stop. For good this time; I have a lot to do and will try my hardest to keep myself from giving into that temptation.
  5. Whippoorwill

    Whippoorwill New Member

    Day 10
    Okay, now it starts for good this time.

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